The Dancers: An Artist Story
M.L. Cameron
Copyright 2011 By M.L. Cameron
Smashwords Edition
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Author’s Dedication:
I’ve got two of them this time. My best friend and forever sister, Tracey. She’s always there for me and she reads everything I write, whether I ask her to or not. And then there is someone who probably hasn’t read a single thing I’ve written, Eduardo. I remember falling asleep talking to him just to wake up and talk to him until I fall asleep again. Over the years he had become one of my closest friends, and while he might not ever actually read this book he should get to the first page. I love you both.
Author’s Note:
This book is about perfection. If you don’t get that… Well I don’t know how to make it any more obvious for you… So think about it, what’s perfection for you? Black? White? Straight? Gay? Male? Female? Dancers? Singers? Models? Guys with six packs? Whatever it is, it’s not that same as what someone else will answer. Perfection is infinite. Think about that for a minute…
Anastasia
How do you explain what perfect is? How do you truly understand what perfect is? Can you describe or understand perfect? No one can, we can describe what perfect is to us, we can understand what we think perfect is but the word itself… no.
Perfect, he’s perfect, she’s perfect. Well I am not perfect, I want to be, I strive to be but I can never really get there. I’m flawless and graceful but not perfect. Never perfect.
A dancer’s mistakes are not noticed by an audience. There are mistakes that not even the instructor would notice. But mistakes are always noticed by the dancer, no matter how small.
I had been dancing for thirteen years. Since I was three years old. I could not remember a time at all when dancing hadn’t been the center of my whole life. Thirteen years… And I had made the biggest mistake in my entire career.
“Anastasia! You have to be on the stage in two minutes,” my instructor said and I smoothed a stray hair from my pale face.
He grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the dressing room. “You didn’t use the make-up,” he accused and I rolled my eyes. “The way you look is just as important as the way you dance. Next time I’m hiring someone to do it for you.”
The stage dimmed. Little did either of us know… there wouldn’t be a next time.
I got onto the stage with my partner, took a small breath and listened for the first beat of music. With the first lift I fell… There was something sticky on the side of my head… The sound of yelling people… The darkness and distress of pain… The smell of hospitals… The taste of blood and fear.
♪♪♪
“Daddy?” I whispered and heard his near silent footsteps. “Daddy?”
“What honey?” he asked and I felt his hand on my hair. “What’s wrong?”
I shook my head and turned around to press my face into his chest. “I know honey. It’ll get better, it’ll get easier I promise.”
“How can you say that daddy? It will never get better. It’s not getting any better. It’s been six months and the doctor already said after six months that it could be diagnosed as permanent blindness or whatever. Mr. Parkingson already told me that if it’s permanent I could never dance again. It’s hard to relearn everything in a new way. I’m done. I can’t dance now. I can’t do anything now.”
He sighed and kissed my hair. I refused to let tears fall down my cheeks. I refused to show weakness. “You have a student tutor coming to help you out with your school work. You have that Anastasia. You have your smarts. You are very smart. It’s going to get better. You can learn how to dance blind, you can learn how to do anything blindly. You’ll be fine.”
“If I can’t dance I can’t do anything.”
“You can learn,” he said softly. I heard the soft meow of my cat in the other room.
“Yeah, it takes five years. And in five years I’ll have to start working up again. That’ll take ten years. And then I’m screwed because I’ll be too old and it’ll be too late to do anything.”
He took a deep breath and his arms tightened around me. “Get some sleep Anastasia,” he said and guided me to my bed. I laid across the extremely soft, smooth, silk bedspread and rested my head on my feathered pillow. “Good night honey.” He kissed my forehead and I shut my blind eyes…
… “There have been some complications. When she hit the ground the impact was too much on the left side of her head. Long story short… she’s blind,” I heard the doctor say in my mind…
I woke to my cat kneading my stomach. She was just a kitten. My dad had given her to me when I got home from the doctor. I felt my way to her head and stroked down her back. “Good morning,” I whispered and she purred beneath my fingertips, a good morning of her own.
“Anastasia? Are you awake?” I heard my dad asking.
“Yes,” I murmured, still petting the kitten.
The door slid open and I turned my head to my left, where I knew my father would be standing. “Your tutor will be here in an hour. So you want anything?”
“No, I think I’ll just go to the studio and wait. Thank you daddy,” I whispered and he came to my side.
“Do you need any help?”
“No, I think I’m going to be all right.”
I stood at the point bar and held on to the smooth wood. My Pointe shoes were wrapped around my ankles and I could feel my leg making the straight line to the floor. Maybe I didn’t need to see to dance. I took a deep breath and traced my way to the farthest wall of the room. It would be easy to just dance. I hit play on the stereo and music filled my small studio. If I fell… I had no idea what would happen.
The routine was among the first I had learned in my college level classes. I extended my arm and took a deep breath. There was isolation of my torso and my body fell into the natural step. The only problem was, I couldn’t see anything. I didn’t know what I looked like, or where I was inching to. And then there was the jump. I was going to do it and try to land without a boy to catch me.
No one to catch me, I took a deep breath and my steps slowed slightly. Just take it slow, I reminded myself. “Jump,” I heard someone whisper as I prepared to stop.
When someone said jump, you jumped. They said leap, you leaped. Turn, turn. Arm up, arm up. So I jumped and only then did I realize what I had done. Someone caught me and turned me in a circle. There was a small pause as I dropped into someone’s arms. I could feel them walking and I waited, it wasn’t like I could do anything. The music stopped and I shut my eyes.
“Who are you?” I asked softly.
“I’m Luke.”
“Oh.”
“And you’re Anastasia? Correct?”
I nodded. “Yes. Are you my tutor?”
“I suppose I am. Though tutor isn’t exactly what your father described. And he certainly did describe a lot.”
“Oh.”
He chuckled and turned with me still in his arms. He didn’t feel like the typical dancers I dealt with. They were all thin and lean. He seemed thin, but not a dancing type of thin. There was muscle, especially since he was still holding me up. “Is my father home?”
“No, he left the second I walked in. He told me to go to the third room in the left hallway. Then to make sure you ate something. And to try and get you to eat a brownie. So which way is the kitchen?”
I sighed, of course my father wanted me to eat a brownie. They were my favorite sweet and before the fall I only allowed myself two a month. Now I could probably eat as much as I wanted, it wouldn’t matter. “Back through the foyer and through the middle hall, all the way back. You could put me down if you need to.”
“I’m good. So let’s get some food in you. It’ll do you good.”
“Okay. I need to take my shoes off though.”
“You can do that in the kitchen.”
He walked in silence, the kitchen was cold. The tiles of the counter were really cold through the thin material of my tights and leotard. I was wearing a thin skirt but it didn’t really help. I fidgeted, I didn’t know where I was in the kitchen and that always made me nervous… The not knowing where I was. I brought my foot up to unlace the slipper but a firm hand stopped me. “I’ll help with that,” Luke said and I took a deep breath.
“The ribbons can’t get knotted.”
“I know.”
His fingers slipped beneath the lace pieces and tugged on the end of one ribbon. I felt them loosen around my calf and then slowly, they were removed from my leg. “In the studio…” I started as he reached my ankle with one of the slippers. “How did you know I was going to jump?”
“My sister dances. She’s about two years younger than me. It’s sort of a complicated story. Other foot?” he murmured, pulling the first slipper off.
“Oh.” I slid my other foot out to him and he started to remove the ribbon. “How long has she danced?”
“A few years. Not very long. But long enough that I know what to do, how to do it. What do you want to eat?” he asked me and I took a deep breath.
“I’m not really hungry.”
“Your father said that you have to eat. So what would you like?”
He pulled the other slipper off and tucked a strand of loose hair behind my ear. “Some of the fruit that’s in the fridge,” I breathed. His casual touch sent a shock through my body.
There was a moment of silence and I felt him back away. The fridge opened and I heard the suction of a lid on a container. “Do you want to eat in here or at the table?”
“At the table.”
“Okay.”
I gasped as he lifted me into his arms again. I rested one hand on his shoulder to steady myself and he chuckled. “I can walk,” I stated.
“I know, but this is nice.”
Luke
I sat across the table from her and watched as she moved the fruit around on the plate. “Moving it around isn’t eating it,” I said. She nodded and strands of light blonde hair fell in front of her eyes. Her eyes looked like pieces of sea glass. In between the white and the grey pupil the blue was hardly visible.
I wondered how she felt, not being able to see anything. She couldn’t see me. She had seen me before, we had gone to the same school when we were little. But that was hardly the same. She ate one of the strawberries and continued to move the rest of the fruit around. “How old are you?” she asked.
“I’m seventeen.”
“Oh.”
“Why?”
“Just curious.”
I nodded and waited for her to speak again. She didn’t talk much. She hardly did anything. I stood up, with intentions to go to the kitchen. “Where are you going?” she asked.
“To the kitchen. Would you like something to drink?”
She shook her head and ate another strawberry. I wondered how she kept picking up the strawberries. In the kitchen I uncovered the plate of brownies. I set one on a napkin and brought it out to her. “I’m not hungry,” she said for about the thirteenth time.
“How about the brownie?” I set it in front of her and moved the fruit away.
“I can’t eat brownies.”
“Unless you plan on continuing your dance, you can.”
My phone rang and I sighed, I didn’t want to talk to my sister. She would be loud and obnoxious. “You should probably answer that,” Anastasia said.
“Just because I should doesn’t mean that I want to. I’ll be right back,” I said, going back to the foyer and opening my phone. “What do you want Scar?”
“Nice. Why didn’t you tell me you were going to Anastasia’s today?” she asked. “You know how badly I want to meet her, please!?” she begged.
I held the phone away from my ear as she complained and pleaded. “She’s been through enough Scarlett, she really doesn’t need any more trauma. And yes Scar, I did just call you trauma.”
“Please! Will you ask her?”
“No, not today, or the day after that, or the day after that. Never. She doesn’t need you asking a million questions.”
She groaned. “Just go to your lesson, I’ll see you later… when I get home. Okay?”
“Fine.”
I hung up and went back to the dining room. Anastasia was still sitting at the table, moving the fruit in the bowl. I smiled a little. “I’m going to go change and then can we start the lesson?” she asked and I nodded.
Then I remembered, she could not see me nod… “Yeah, we can.”
She stood up and wandered to the hall. She walked out of the room and traced her way down the hallway. I didn’t ask if she wanted help, that would have sounded weird and if she wanted help she would ask. I took a deep breath and picked up the fruit bowl and untouched brownie. I walked them to the kitchen and noticed the slippers lying on the counter.
I picked them up and walked back to the studio. One of the doors that hadn’t been closed before was shut. Obviously it was her room. I would have put money on the fact that all her rooms were on the first floor so that she wouldn’t have to ever use the stairs.
The dance studio was empty and cold. A duffel bag sat in the corner of the room. I opened it and set the ballet slippers inside. I paused as I saw my reflection. I wondered how Anastasia felt, not being able to see her own reflection. She wouldn’t ever be able to see again… I wondered if she ever felt the pain in her head like some people did after a severe injury.
I blinked and continued to stare at my reflection. I took a deep breath and went back to the dining room. Anastasia had changed into jeans and a t-shirt. Her long blonde hair was pulled up into a ballerina bun and her bangs fell in her face. She sat completely still, waiting.
My backpack sat in the foyer so I turned to get it. I sat beside her and pulled out a textbook and binder. “So how is this going to work?” she asked.
“Well, your father says you refuse to learn how to read brail…” I started. “You know it could really help, make your life a lot easier.”
“Until my father loses every dime he has, which I don’t predict happening in the next hundred years, I will stick to my private tutors. Now could we please just start the lesson?”
I raised my eyebrows and shook my head. I wondered which was the real her, the screw-you girl or the proper, completely polite girl. “All right, I’ll read the passage and then write down your answers to the questions.”
She nodded.
We worked for a couple of hours. We got through a couple days worth of English, more than what had to be done. My phone rang again. I knew Scarlett’s lesson was far from over so I checked… and then wondered how she was calling me. “Maybe you should answer that,” Anastasia observed in the middle of a passage.
“Yeah. I still don’t want to.”
The phone rang again. I sighed and stood up. “I’ll be right back.”
She yawned and nodded. I went back to the foyer and stared up the staircase as I waited for my sister to answer her phone. “What do you want Scar? Aren’t you in a lesson?”
“Well, yeah,” she whispered. “I’m in the bathroom. Just tell me one thing.”
“What!?”
“Can I please meet her!?!?”
“No, now go back before you’re caught. Okay? I have to get back to the lesson.”
I shook my head and shoved my phone in my pocket. I walked back to the dining room where Anastasia was lying on the table, asleep. I smiled a little and walked over to lift her into my arms. She was light, natural for a dancer.
I held her close and her head rested on my shoulder. No doubt I was physically attracted to her… but hundreds of guys were. She shifted slightly and sighed, falling back asleep. I carried her back to her room with ease. She probably knew I wasn’t a dancer, probably because I wasn’t fairy thin. I wasn’t anywhere near thin, but I wasn’t fat. Most people called it muscle.
She sighed a little and I smiled. Her room was big, but there wasn’t much furniture. The walls were the color of warm butterscotch. It was a warm kind of a room. The carpet matched the molten honey color of the doors and walls and furniture. Even though Anastasia couldn’t see it, I wondered if she could feel the warmth.
I laid her down on her bed, the sheets were crimson, the cover was golden with the red detailing. Her eyelashes fluttered slightly and I waited. She relaxed against her pillows and I pulled the blanket to cover her. I turned my head when I heard the sound of a cat. A small kitten was poking it’s head through one of the doors.
It was a pale golden color. I smiled and it padded slowly through the room. It jumped onto the bed and curled up immediately next to Anastasia’s feet. I turned and shut the light off. The room was still warm and golden.
In the foyer I started packing up the books and papers. We had gotten a lot done. More than I had thought we would get done anyways. I heard the front door open and turned to see who it was. Anastasia’s father came into the room, he looked tired. “Luke, how was it? How is she? Where is she?”
“It was all right. She was fine. And right now she’s asleep.”
He nodded and ran a hand through his slightly graying hair. “Asleep?”
“Yeah, I brought her to her room a couple minutes ago so you could probably wake her up if you wanted to.”
“No, it’s good that she’s sleeping. Thanks Luke. The doctor said it could be a couple of months before she accepts what’s really happened.”
“To be honest Mr. Faith, I think that she has accepted it. But I don’t know her that well.”
I shoved the last binder into my backpack and took my keys from the side pocket. “All right, thank you Luke.” He reached into his suit pocket and handed me an envelope. “I know you said that you don’t need it but it doesn’t feel right to be asking you to do this for nothing.”
“I get volunteer hours for it and as long as I get my letter of recommendation I won’t need any money. Thank you though.”
I set the envelope back down on the table and left the house. I sat in my car and took a deep breath. On the road I watched the black asphalt pass under me, it wasn’t very busy. I remembered the first time I had ever met Mr. Faith…
The hospital was quiet, not many people sat in the lobby. I stood up when I spotted my mom rounding the corner, walking fast. “Mom! Can we leave yet?”
“I’m sorry honey. It’s going to be another twenty minutes, max!” she insisted. I would have believed her if she hadn’t been saying it for the past two hours.
“Well, is there anything I can do to make this go faster?”
She sighed. “Could you show Mr. Faith to his daughter’s room? She’s in room seven seventy six. He’s the one in the corner wearing the suit.” She pointed and I nodded.
I walked over to the guy and he stood up, I was just barely eye level with him. “Mr. Faith? If you would follow me I’ll show you to your daughter’s room.”
He followed close behind me and I took a deep breath. We walked around a couple of halls and I opened the door to the room. That’s when I saw the ballerina. “Anastasia is your daughter?” I asked in awe.
“Yes. Why, were you friends with her?” He seemed desperate for me to say yes.
“No… I mean, we’ve gone to school together since… kindergarten. But she wouldn’t know who I am. My sister watches her dance.”
“Past tense, she doesn’t dance anymore.”
“Well, I understand. I wouldn’t either if I were her. Could you tell her though, that there’s at least one person around who wants to see her continue with her dance?” He nodded. “I’m sorry, I’m probably wasting your time.”
“It’s quite all right. What’s your name?”
“Luke Surmise.”
He nodded and went to sit beside his sleeping daughter…
I opened the front door of my house and waited… silence greeted me but I knew better than to trust it. I had two older sisters who didn’t live in the house anymore but loved to stop by and torture me. And then Scarlett was very loud. My parents would still be at the hospital, working. Scarlett would still be in her practice…
I was alone, there was peace and quiet, at least for a little while. I went up the stairs and then back to the attic. Living in the attic was a choice. When my sister’s were younger we each had our own room and when Scarlett was born none of them wanted to take the attic so I did. When they moved out, I decided not to move back downstairs.
I set my backpack on the floor next to my desk and smiled at the poster of Scarlett. She was in the middle of a turn, her face completely serious. She loved that she had been chosen to be on the poster for one of her company recitals. That poster and several pictures of her in differing costumes covered the wall around my desk.
The room was big, the walls purple. Once Scarlett had tried to make my entire room pink, pink walls, pink rug, pink bed, pink everything… That lasted a whole five minutes. I laid on my black covered bed and stared at the ceiling…
Sleep was disturbed by my sister sitting on my stomach and bouncing. “Get off me brat,” I said sleepily and shoved at her. She didn’t move. “Come on Scar, off.”
“Are you finally awake?”
“Yeah, now move.” She stood up and I looked at her with question. She was still in her black leotard and blue tutu, the current costume for her recital. I hadn’t seen her come home in her costume for years. She was always afraid of it tearing or getting stained.
“I wanted to get home so I didn’t change.” I sat up and rubbed at my eyes. “Now… Tell me everything!” She sat on my lap and wound her arms around my neck. “Please, please, please, please, please!!” she begged loudly.
“What do you want to know?”
And the questions started pouring out. “What was she like? What did you do? Did she dance? Is she really as gorgeous in person as she is on stage? Does it look like she’s dancing when she’s walking? What was her father like? Does she act like a spoiled rich girl? Is she really that pale? Or is it just tons of makeup? What kind of clothes was she wearing? Did you ask if I could meet her yet? Oh please, please, please, answers!” she insisted. I shook my head and clasped my hands around her waist. Sometimes I wondered how she could get so worked up over one person.
“She’s just like a normal teenager, not spoiled. Like us sort of, even though she lives in a mansion. We did school work and she fell asleep. She didn’t dance. But she is very graceful. She just wore jeans and a t-shirt. She is really that pale and without a doubt gorgeous. Her dad is just like mom, there for a second gone in the next. And no, I might ask her later, when she’s more comfortable.”
She was silent for a minute, as if thinking everything over. “So she’s really that pale?”
“Yeah.”
“And gorgeous?”
“Yes.”
“I would give anything to be as beautiful as she is…” she sighed, daydreaming.
I smiled. “Yeah, you need it brat.” She hit my arm. “So how was the rehearsal today?”
She stiffened and I knew something had happened. “It was all right. We got all the lifts, which is a first. I don’t like the guy who’s supposed to flip me and do my lift… He’s dropped me four times already.” And I didn’t like the sound of that either. “And I can’t get two of my turns.”
“Do you want to practice?” I asked and she shrugged. That was Scarlett’s code for, please, I don’t want to ask and make you feel obligated but I need it and I know you’ll help. “How about you go get the music and I’ll change.”
She nodded and disappeared down the stairs. I sighed and stretched.
Anastasia
I opened my eyes and realized I was asleep. When had I fallen asleep? I asked myself and felt my kitten padding on the bed beside me. When had Luke left? I must have fallen asleep at the table. Which meant he brought me to bed… Of course. I smiled to myself at the thought of Luke.
I heard my door open. “You’re awake?” my dad asked and I nodded, sitting up. “How did you sleep?”
“All right.” I waited for him to say something about my dancing. Luke would have told him when he asked what we had done.
“That’s good. How was your lesson?”
My father wasn’t one to beat around the bush, he liked to get right to the point. “It was good, lots of reading.”
“That’s what Luke said. All right, there’s dinner if you want it.” I remembered what Luke had said about me needing to eat… Maybe I would eat something. “I’ve got a late shift tonight but you have your cell phone next to you on your night stand. Just call if you need something. All right?” I nodded.
He started to walk away. “Daddy?” I said and he stopped. “I love you.”
“I love you too honey.”
A few minutes later I heard the front door close. If he wasn’t home then the entire kitchen and maid staff was. I took a deep breath and stood up. Nothing about the dancing… No questions or comments… Maybe Luke hadn’t told him. Why wouldn’t he though? I traced my way along my wall to the closet and changed into pajama’s.
Luke
Trust me Scarlett I don’t think it’s anything you’re doing wrong. I think it’s your partner’s fault.” She shrugged and took a deep breath.
“But why can’t he do it?” she asked, sitting beside me on the studio floor. “This recital could mean a tour for me. I can’t miss these lifts.”
“I don’t know what else to do. Let’s run through it again.”
We stood up and she walked to the far side of the room. I hit play on the stereo and waited. She fell into step and jumped on the cue. I lifted her with ease and dropped her back to the floor. “Why can’t he do that?” she asked, stressed and annoyed.
“What do you want to do about it?” I asked her.
“I don’t know what I can do. We can’t switch lift partners, everyone else has gotten them perfectly. Could you come to rehearsal tomorrow and watch? Maybe it’ll help?” I didn’t really like going to the studio while they were rehearsing. “Please Luke? You know I need this.”
“Maybe, I don’t know if I’m supposed to be tutoring tomorrow or not. But I have to go to my first class and then go check on Anastasia and maybe I’ll come by towards the end. Okay?”
She nodded, for once not begging to meet Anastasia.
♪♪♪
I turned the papers in to the school guidance counselor and she smiled. “You two got a lot done,” she commented and I nodded. “You know Luke, she really does need this.”
“I know. And I’m willing to help.”
I left the school and began the drive to Anastasia’s house. Maybe we would actually do some work and I wouldn’t have to go to the rehearsal. My phone rang and I reached for it. “Hello?”
“It’s Nick Faith. Luke, are you doing anything?”
“Not really. I was on my way to check on Anastasia, like you asked me to.”
“Okay, that’s good… could you take her somewhere. Anywhere. She’s been sitting in the house for a week now.”
“I would but the only place I have to go after this is to my sister’s dance rehearsal.”
“It doesn’t matter, she can’t see it anyways.”
I sighed. “All right. What time do you want her home?”
“I don’t care, as long as she does something.”
♪♪♪
Anastasia was sitting at the dining room table when I walked in. A chef was standing beside her, asking what she could possibly want to eat. “Please Anastasia. I’ll make anything. You’re father says you need to eat.”
I stepped into the room and the chef looked up. “Who’s here?” Anastasia asked quietly.
“I am.”
“Oh. But you were here yesterday…”
“Yes I was. But your father asked me to come check on you. And you really should eat something.”
The chef nodded. “Her father says she must eat, he said that it was doctors orders but everything I make, she will not eat. I don’t know what to do.” The chef wasn’t upset, he seemed worried. Maybe for his job.
“I’ll talk to her,” I said. The chef nodded and walked back to the kitchen. “Not hungry?” I asked and Anastasia shrugged. “Or do you just not want to eat?”
“Aren’t you supposed to be my tutor? Not my guardian?”
“Uh, the job description required both. What do you want to eat?” I asked and she shrugged again. “What about one brownie?”
She didn’t move. She was considering it. “Maybe… One.”
“Good and then I’ll tell you where your father wants me to take you.” I walked into the kitchen and the chef was pacing nervously. “She said she’d eat a brownie. But only one, so get the biggest brownie you can find. And then put strawberries on it.”
The chef nodded and pulled a cover off a plate of brownies and began to compare. I waited until he handed me a plate. I took it with the fork he held out and went back to Anastasia. “Here you are,” I said and put the plate in front of her.
I sat down and she slowly started to eat her brownie and strawberries. “Where does my father want you to take me?”
“Well, he said that I don’t have to tell you because you can’t see it anyway. But I’m going to tell you because I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
“Okay…”
“My sister is at a rehearsal and she needs me to help her partner get a lift. Your father asked me to take you out of the house but once I leave here that’s where I have to go. So… Would you like to come? After I’ll take you anywhere you want to go, I just don’t want you to feel upset. And your father might kill me if I don’t bring you with me.”
She didn’t answer for a long time. I wasn’t sure what she was thinking but I knew she was considering at least. She ate another strawberry and shuddered. I wondered idly if she was cold… “All right,” she whispered, “as long as it’s not long.”
“Just enough time to talk a guy into catching my baby sister.”
She nodded and took another small bite. “I’m done.”
“Two more bites and then you’re done.” Two more bites and at least half of what she had been given would be gone. I smiled and she paused for a second.
“Luke?” she murmured and I waited…
She didn’t say anything else. “Yes?”
“What do you look like?” She cleared her throat and shifted in her seat, taking another quick bite of her brownie.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean… Never mind. I’m going to go change. Then we can leave.”
She stood up and left the room. I shook my head and then realized what she meant. She literally wanted to know what I looked like. I smiled to myself and nodded. I would tell her, but in small doses. And nothing but the truth. Telling her a lie would be completely pointless.
I stood up and went to the foyer to wait. When Anastasia came back she was wearing shorts and a tank top. She was shorter than I was, but most girls were. I opened the front door and she took a deep breath. “Ready?” She nodded and I took her hand, she couldn’t see and my guess was she wouldn’t use a walking stick.
Guiding her with just one hand was hard so I tucked one arm around her waist and led her to the car. I opened the door and helped her get in. I sat behind the wheel and started the car. “What do you think about being blind?” I asked and started to drive away from the house.
“What do I think? I don’t understand the question.”
“When you know there’s a mirror, but you can’t see yourself, what do you think?”
“Sometimes I’m afraid… other times I’m upset. Supposedly there’s a surgery that could make me see again but it’s risky.”
“It’s all up to you in the end.”
I took a deep breath and turned onto the road to the studio. “Maybe.”
The studio was huge, only half of it was actually in use. I parked in an open spot next to Scarlett’s Porsche. I got out and walked to the other side of the car. “Before we go in,” I started, helping Anastasia out of the car, “If you want to leave, at any time, just say the word and we’re out.”
“What’s the word?”
“I don’t know. What would you like it to be?” I asked leading her slowly to the front door.
“Hmm… Pancakes, I don’t really like pancakes.”
I smiled, at least she still had a sense of humor. “Pancakes it is.”
I opened the door with one hand and led with the other. “All right, come on then.”
We walked past the reception desk and past a couple of studio rooms. My sister would be working in studio D. I opened the door with a giant D on it and sat Anastasia down on a chair next to the door. “It should only be a little while.”
She nodded and stared blankly ahead. I looked around the room at the dancers. I spotted Scarlett who was sitting on the floor, nearly in tears. The instructor looked over at me and I walked to them. “Luke! What are you doing here?” the teacher asked and I shrugged.
“Scar mentioned she wasn’t being caught, so I figured I’d drop by. See what was going on.”
“I’m not exactly sure why he isn’t catching her. Maybe you could watch.”
“All right.”
“All right, all right!” the instructor, Maria, called and the class quieted then came to a stop. They separated to the sides of the room and waited. “Okay, try the lift,” she instructed and they separated to the two different sides. “One and two and three go five, six, seven, eight.”
They came together, Scarlett had no hesitation, even though she figured she would be dropped. He grabbed her waist and I followed every movement. Halfway up he lost the grip and they both tumbled to the ground. Scarlett cried out and I fell to her side. “Are you all right?” I asked and she grimaced. “What hurts?”
“Everything right now. I haven’t had such an inadequate partner in years. The recital is in three weeks.”
“All right, do it one more time and we’ll take it step by step.”
She nodded and I helped her to her feet. Her partner shook his head and went to the other side of the room. “All right, step one,” Maria said and the each took their first step. “Two.” It went like that to the lift.
He stumbled just picking her up. “Had he ever done a proper lift before?”
Maria looked ashamed. “He’s never done a lift in a recital?” She shook her head slowly. “Why in the hell is he dancing with my sister!?” I exclaimed and she took a deep breath.
“I know that she needs a good partner but she’s the lightest in the class and the light girls are always easy to lift.”
“No! She could get hurt.”
“There’s no one else to partner with her. I’m sorry Luke but there’s no other option unless we pull them entirely.”
I shook my head and started to pace. “There has to be something. Damn it. Do the lift again. With the music.” I turned and watched. I made them go it three times before Scarlet fell and gasped in pain.
“Luke, I can’t do it again. I can’t,” she cried and Maria took a deep breath. “Please don’t make me do it again.”
“All right…” I let out a breath. I hated seeing her in pain but I hated the fact that she was put with an amateur even more. Maria pulled the three of us aside and set the rest of the dancers to their rehearsal.
“I won’t have her falling on stage.”
“There is nothing else to be done.”
I ran my hands through my hair and took a sharp breath in.
Scarlett laid her hand on my arm and rolled her opposite shoulder. “You need to back off,” her partner said and I turned to glare at him. Scar took her hand back.
“Excuse me?”
“I can get the damn lift. She hesitates every time and it’s that half beat the screws all of it up.”
I shook my head. “You don’t have any experience with lifts which is the problem. You need to be comfortable with your partner to do a lift and you aren’t. I will not have her on stage with you.”
“What if you did the lift?” Scarlett asked and I looked down at her. “I know, dad will be mad but I need this performance. Please Luke?”
“Maria?” I said and looked to the instructor.
“I don’t see why not. You know the routines well enough. With a couple of weeks of practice you could have it down.”
“What!? I need this too!” Scarlett’s partner said and I glared again.
“She could get hurt.”
“There’s a bigger chance of her falling out on the street than falling in a lift and getting hurt.”
I shut my eyes and tried to remain calm. “One out of every two dancers is injured in a lift. I will not have you lift her again.”
“I need this recital.”
“And I need my sister unharmed.”
“Luke,” I heard softly and I turned to Scarlett. “Luke...” I heard it again and turned to see Anastasia with her eyes closed, her hands gripping the sides of the chair. Tears streaked down her cheeks.
Scarlett’s jaw dropped and I moved quickly through the dancers to Anastasia’s side. I touched her hand and knelt beside her. “Can we go now?” she whispered and I lifted her into my arms. Her hands clasped around my neck and her face buried into my shoulder.
“It’s all right,” I murmured and carried her from the room. I walked out of the building and sat on one of the benches outside. “Are you all right?” I asked, smoothing her hair from her face.
“I’m fine… I just… couldn’t breathe… You can put me down now.” She didn’t release her hold around my neck though. I pulled her a little closer.
“This is nice. Are you feeling better?” She nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really…” she muttered.
“Okay… we could talk about what I look like.” She needed to be talked down, away from the thoughts of dance and the fall. “My eyes are brown, or at least that’s what it says in my baby book. Scarlett says that my eyes are hazel, sometimes brown, sometimes green.”
I wondered idly how long it would take Scarlett to come out and see us. “They sound pretty…”
“Now do you want to talk about what happened?”
She took a deep breath. “I don’t know what happened. I could hear her fall and every time it was like I could feel my fall again. And then she cried out and I knew that’s what I must have sounded like when James dropped me. But you were there… Every time. No one was there for me like that.”
“When did you first start freaking out?”
“The first time she fell,” she admitted slowly.
“Why didn’t you ask me to take you out?”
“Because I thought I could handle it…”
“You know, you don’t always have to handle everything.”
For a second, my eyes met hers and I felt like she could see me. The doors burst open and the illusion shattered. “So, I’ve been back there trying to figure out what just happened, but… What happened? Oh my gosh, you’re Anastasia Faith.”
Anastasia stood up and I stood beside her, resting an arm around her waist, for support, and balance if she needed it. “Yes I am,” Anastasia whispered.
“You… You’re… She’s… She’s here?”
I nodded. “Ana, this is my sister Scarlett.”
“I can’t believe I’m meeting you. Luke told me he wouldn’t let me meet you for weeks, possibly months. Oh my gosh. What am I doing talking. I should be asking questions. I’ll change, rehearsal is over and… then… would you mind if I asked you some things?” Anastasia held her breath and shook her head. “Thank you, so much.”
Scarlett ran back into the studio and Anastasia fell onto the bench. “You don’t have to answer anything you’re uncomfortable with,” I said to her quietly. She nodded.
“Luke?” she whispered. And I waited. “How are you okay with all of this? You barely know me… But it seems like you care…”
“I wouldn’t expect you to remember me. When Scar’s done asking her endless list of questions we can talk, about anything you want to talk about.”
She nodded and Scar came running from the studio, jeans and a t-shirt messily pulled on. Anastasia sighed, she seemed to lean against me a little more. I smiled and Scarlett looked from me to her, then back again. “You’re lucky she can’t see you.”
“What?”
“Nothing,” I said and glared at Scarlett.
She sat down next to Anastasia. “I can’t believe I’m finally meeting you… Wow. I… I don’t even know where to start. I have so many questions.”
“Why don’t you start with the first one you say,” Anastasia suggested.
“Why did you dance?”
“I danced because my mother danced. She was my inspiration until she died when I was six. She was in a car accident. Though you probably know that. If you know anything about me.”
Scarlett nodded. “I know… um… If you danced for her then why did you keep dancing after she died?”
“I promised her…” Anastasia whispered. “I promised her that I would keep dancing. Every day before we started and every day when we turned the studio light off she made me promise her that I would never give up the thing I loved the most…”
“Can I ask you something about the fall?”
Anastasia nodded. “I might not answer. But you can ask.”
“Were you afraid?”
“No. I wasn’t. I learned through many harmless falls that being afraid could hurt me more than complete trust.”
“Did you know your partner?”
“Yes. James and I had worked together many times. He didn’t mean to drop me, I didn’t mean to fall. But things happen…”
I took a deep breath. Scarlett needed to ask a different sort of question. “How do you feel when you dance?”
“I feel alone. Yet surrounded at the same time. I don’t know if that makes sense. But it does to me. I’m alone, it’s always a solo performance no matter who’s with you. But there is always someone watching, someone to see what you’re doing.”
“I… You don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to… I should be getting home anyways but… What won’t you dance anymore?”
“I don’t really know right now…”
Scarlett stood up. I knew she had a thousand more questions. “Thank you, for talking to me. You’ll be home later Luke?” I shrugged. “Well if you aren’t there’s a rehearsal tomorrow. You have to get fitted for a costume.”
“Don’t tell Dad though,” I said as she turned to her car.
“Okay… You know he’s going to find out… You really don’t have to do this Luke…”
“No. You need this.”
She nodded and got in her silver Porsche.
♪♪♪
What is it?” she asked and I laughed. “No, seriously, what are you trying to feed me?”
“Just try it. Come on.”
I smiled at her and held up the ice cream in front of her. “Maybe, if you got out a little I wouldn’t have to do this. Try it,” I insisted.
Her mouth opened and I put the spoon in her mouth. She shut her eyes and sighed. “What is that?”
“It’s this amazing thing called ice cream.”
She smiled “I know what ice cream is, that is not vanilla ice cream.”
“No, it isn’t.”
We were sitting in a park, on the part of the jungle gym where the slide started and the stairs ended, we were squished onto the platform, even though we could have just sat on the ground, or at one of the tables… One of my knees was bumped against Anastasia’s and the ice cream sat on my opposite thigh. She sat cross legged beside me.
“Then what is it?”
“It’s strawberry ice cream, with pieces of brownie, I think that there’s some chocolate fudge in there somewhere. You’ve never had any other ice cream?”
“No, when I was little I got one scoop every other day, and it was always vanilla. And then when I got older, I stopped eating it. Like the brownies, I wasn’t supposed to have them while doing dance. Can I ask you a question about your sister?”
“Sure.”
She pulled on the hem of her jeans for a second and then asked, “When did she start dancing?”
“When she was twelve. You were in the talent show and she thought that was what she wanted to do more than anything in the world.”
“How long have you danced with her?”
“Since she started.”
“Why doesn’t your dad want you to dance?”
“He thinks it isn’t appropriate for boys.”
She nodded and I held a spoon of ice cream in front of her. “How long have you known me?”
“Bite,” I said and she opened her mouth. “When we were in kindergarten the first day we had to stand up and say our names, then we had to say something interesting about ourselves. You stood up, said your name and then said, ‘I dance.’ The teacher asked what you meant and you said it again. That’s how long I’ve known you.”
She smiled a little and bit her lower lip. “I can’t believe I’ve never noticed you…”
“You did notice me. Up until third grade. Then we were in different classes and after that we just sort of stopped talking. You fell in with your crowd and I hung out with a few all right kind of people.”
“None of them have come to see me…” she whispered.
“Maybe, none of them were your real friends,” I suggested gently and she shrugged. “So have you had a good time?”
She smiled. “Yeah, for the first time in a while.”
“Good.” I smiled at her and took one of her hands. She couldn’t see me but she still blushed. “What do you want to talk about now?”
“What kind of girls do you like?” she asked and I traced my thumb over her palm.
Her blonde hair fell across her shoulders, down her back and over her chest. Her hand was soft in mine, soft and milk white. “That’s a heavy question. What kind of girls do I like? I’ve dated girls before.” I felt her hand stiffen a little, jealousy? What would she want me for? “Some of them were popular, I went out with one girl because Scarlett thought she was perfect for me. Most girls usually remind me of Scarlett, and it’s weird to be watching a movie feeling like your sister is sitting beside you. I usually like girls that don’t remind me of Scar.”
“Do I remind you of her?”
“In some ways.” Her face visibly fell. “Like the fact that you both have outstanding talent. But going home last night a lot of the things in her reminded me of you.”
She relaxed and sighed. “Would you believe me if I told you I have never gone out with anyone before?”
“Probably not to be honest.”
“No one ever does. This is as close to a date as I’ve ever been.” I knew she wasn’t lying when she tilted her head down and attempted to tug her hand from mine. She thought that once I learned that I would turn away.
I held her hand tight. “All right, we should get going. Do you want to go home, or come home with me and meet my family?”
“When do I have to be home?”
“Your dad said he didn’t care.”
“And your parents don’t mind?”
I was already standing up, pulling her to her feet. I held the dish of melting ice cream in my other hand. I led her off the jungle gym and as we passed the trash can I stopped. “One sec, I’ve got to throw this out.” I started to walk away but she tugged on my hand. “Or do you want it?”
She answered with a big smile. I hadn’t seen her smile like that in years. “All right, but you get to carry it.” I handed it to her and we headed to the car. A little boy ran down the sidewalk beside us and his grandmother came grinning behind him.
“Good afternoon,” she said and nodded at us.
“Good afternoon,” I responded.
“It’s nice to see that young couples still take walks in the park,” she said and grinned. “Have a nice evening.”
She walked to catch up with the little boy who was calling for her. We kept walking to the car. “Why didn’t you correct her?”
“Why didn’t you?” I countered.
When she didn’t answer I smiled. In the car she ate the ice cream and took a deep breath. “With your sister and that guy,” she started and I turned to hear what she had to say. “I think he’s a half a beat short. He needs to take a longer stride the first step so that he’s a little closer to her… I think maybe that’s what’s wrong.”
I started to stare at her and then remembered I was driving. “How can you tell?”
“I could hear his steps and hers, and they don’t sound the same.” She shrugged. “I don’t know, that’s what I think.”
“We’ll try it,” I said and nodded to myself. Maybe I wouldn’t have to get on stage and completely disappoint my father.
Scarlett
Scar!” I heard Luke call right after I heard the door open and close.
I ran down the steps yelling, “What happened? You’ve been gone forever!” I stopped at the bottom of the stairs when I saw Anastasia Faith standing silently beside my brother.
“Ana thinks she can help you get the lift,” he said and slid his arm protectively around her waist. He liked her, I knew that the second they walked into the studio. And she trusted him… They look so different, standing side by side. She was thin and he was built, her light hair and his dark hair, his bronze tan face and her pale skin.
“What do you mean?”
“She doesn’t think it’s the lift. It’s the timing.”
I nodded, if anything could help me with this lift I would take it. I had been transferring ice and heat on my hip from where I had slammed it onto the floor earlier that day. “So come on, let’s go try it.”
“All right, I’ll change real quick.”
I turned and ran back up the stairs. My idol was standing in front of me, in my house, and all I could think about was how I could impress her. She couldn’t see me, so that ruled all looks out, not that she cared anyway. I wondered if she had said anything about me, but there was no way I could be sure.
Luke
Anastasia walked beside me as we made our way to the studio. “She wants to impress you,” I said.
“Who?”
“Scarlett.”
“Why would she want to do that?”
“The only reason she danced was because of you. And then, the only reason she kept dancing was because of you. She looks up to you, not literally because I think she’s a couple inches taller, but as a role model.”
She shrugged. “You have to dance for yourself and want it enough… Want it to the point where nothing else matters. Otherwise, it’s pointless.”
I opened the door to our studio and she sighed. I wonder if she felt like she was in a studio. It was about the size of the one Scarlett rehearsed in. “All right, you just tell us what to do and we’ll do it.”
Scar came in the room, wearing a leotard, tights and a pair of shorts. “Okay, I’m ready. Just don’t drop me.”
“Do the lift,” Anastasia murmured and shut her eyes, not like she could see anything anyways. She seemed to be paying attention to us though. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure he’s a half step off.”
“What do you mean?” Scarlett asked.
“All right, stand where I’m standing and watch.”
I shook my head while they switched places. “Okay, now what?”
“Watch where his foot falls on the first step and then the follow through. Ready? Step one…”
And the follow through lift. She was lighter than Scar I realized. Maybe it was because she was shorter, maybe it was because she was not eating anything. Her hands rested on my wrists as I brought her back to the floor. “And then watch if he takes a couple inches off the first step.” I went back to my side and waited. “Just take a half step instead of a full one. Step one…”
I knew by the time she was a half step in front of me that I wouldn’t be able to do the lift. But she didn’t stop. I put my hands on her waist and her hands went to my shoulders. When I started to lift her my foot went back under her weight and I fell backwards.
“That’s what happens if he’s a half step off.”
“But I could barely see the difference. And you can’t see it at all.”
“Maybe, but I can hear the difference. When your steps are off the entire routine is off.” I opted not to stand up but to wrap my arms around Anastasia’s waist. She attempted to tug away for a second but I just tightened my hold.
“I’ve got to go call Holland and get him to come and see if that’s it. Thank you, so much.”
Scarlett ran out of the room. “Why don’t you dance anymore?” I asked and released one of my arms to smooth a strand of hair from her face.
She started to pull away. “No, why?”
“Just… Nothing. You wouldn’t get it.”
I decided again not to push her. “All right. Do you want me to take you home now?”
She didn’t answer. I took that as a no, I doubted she liked sitting at home. “All right, I would say we could watch a movie but…” I trailed off and she sighed. “We could do school work. When my mom gets home I bet she’ll make you eat something.”
“School work sounds all right.”
I stood up with her cradled against my chest. “I can walk,” she said and I laughed.
“Yeah, I know.”
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(Pages 1-34 show above.)