Unwanted
Written and edited by Kaitlin Crouthamel
Chapter 1
My heart throbs for I am one who is rejected, one who is unwanted. A pleasant surprise or a devious denial. For sure you say you love me, but that of which you speak is a lie.
Today
I was looking through pictures of the olden days when my brother and
I were babies. Smiles were plastered on ecstatically overjoyed
parents’ faces holding their first child -- a baby boy. Alas, I
shuffle through more boxes and find mine. No smiles, just grins, no
laughter, just sighs. My throbbing heart kills inside. I put the
photo boxes away and find my eye spying on a book that had fallen
while I was looking through the photos. I open the little white
booklet with Photos written in baby-sky blue. Mom and Dad were
smiling, from a happy sight of the baby boy. I figured out the boy to
be my brother. I glanced around the room, scanning the shelves three
times. No more baby booklets. No not one for me, just some pictures
placed in a box in a white envelope. While looking through the boxes,
I came upon pictures of my dog from my childhood. He was big and
strong, courageous and protective. Tears fill up my hazel eyes and
streamed down my rosy cheeks.
Thy colors in thee rainbow are dull to sight. The past unheard, forgotten, abandoned. Memories of smells, sight and tastes gone; hearing is all that's left standing. My memories won’t forget the years growing up with yelling, screaming and slamming of doors. Trying to hide and wither away, under the bed or behind the clothes in my closet, trying to escape the sounds. Sounds that would make children cry, dogs howl and mirrors shatter. Running away is one thing to do until they find you, things would just get worse. They’ll tear you down like old, moldy wallpaper peeling from the wall. The screams and terror in your eyes are enough for someone to go suicide. As I lay gazing up upon the stars I ponder, what would it be like to live with a thing called love, warmth and beauty. A fire burns bright in some houses but here, here in this household there is no such thing. To me that is just a fairytale waiting to happen. A fairytale most people are lucky enough to have. Man, do I wish upon that bright, shiny, shooting star to get out of here. To be able to live, live whole not part, to my fullest ability. To be able to runaway, relive my childhood and to live my dreams. I want a house -- little and cozy -- with a tall, dark and handsome husband and three children to cherish everyday. To not be picked at like a dish of appetizers. If only I didn’t have to wish. I’d rather die than live like this. Is this “living” when this is no life at all?
I’m afraid of the truth and of faith, lying to myself just to get by everyday saying “It'll get better, or it'll be over.” Hiding all the time and being punished for everything is something no one would want or could put up with for so many years, but sadly enough it’s what I go through everyday.
There is no point in looking on the good side because there I can’t seem to find one. Only dread by defeat flooding through my whole body. You may think why live if living is killing you inside anyway? Well, it’s easy to hold on -- I mean I’d rather have a life and story than no life and no story. Yes, it does get difficult and I’m sure it will get even more troubling, but if we give up so quickly then what was the point of being born? People die for us everyday. Jesus died for us so we wouldn’t have pain or drama but, some people are just misfortunate.
I flick my lights out in my old, beaten-up room with posters from magazines plastered all over the walls. Need rest I had a long beating and tomorrow it will only get worse.
They’re pushing me down and not getting back up but still holding in there for more. Heart pounding through my chest, a burning sensation on my skin, imprints of the whip, hand and the board plastered upon my skin and body. My skinny, brittle and weak body lies on the floor of the kitchen. Blood slowly trickles down my face, I’ve had enough! This was the worst of all I have ever had. The most I could have imagined being taken this far. I need to leave or die. I ache so much that I haven’t moved for the last 12 hours. The weekend is over, no rest nor peace, just dried tears and blood upon my rosy red face. School will start in three hours. I better get ready before “they” wake up. I need to tear a note and write that I went to school. This won’t really help but, they won’t think I ran away...yet. Another day is just another day of survival.
Chapter 2
I hid from the truth, the truth, of my true feelings for if I were to share them, I would be pushed down into the dirt, rejected and hurt once again.
You may think you know me but you don't because if I don't know who I am then how would you know who I am? People lie and hate every second of the day, we all need to learn that because a lot of people don't want to show their true colors; afraid of rejection and hurt. So instead they hide, hide behind a well known friend to become..a mask. Masks seem to help make people look past the pain in the victims’ eyes. Shame slowly pours itself into their body, not sure who to talk to or who to trust they turn to their masks, and therefore another mask is placed upon the existing one, making no one aware of their issues. Masks can play evil tricks. We all would know because we all have secrets that no one knows. I would know from my life that this is all true, and yes I'll admit it because I'm not afraid of what people will say or think about me. I'm always alone no one wants to care or tend to me so I couldn't give a frank about them either.
School was another typical day of Hades. Girls only talk about boys or drama; teachers teach but get tired of everyone talking over so they sit down; then there is me. I sit there feeling safe yet scared. What if people did care? What if one person or teacher knew everything but didn't say anything? What if one person could save me from my own “family”? If only right, if only. I get off the bus, it’s pouring out, so I put my hood up. All the other kids' parents drove them home from the bus stop, but I just walk about a mile alone to my house. I'm used to it – I don't care -- it's not like my hands and feet are numb, and it's not like my whole body is quivering in the cold damp air. I think I'd rather be outside in this terrible weather than at “home”, I mean anywhere would be better than “home”.
Chapter 3
The darkness plastered around me like a steal cage. No light, no rainbows, no sound of birds chirping or sight and smells of the flowers blooming. If I were to escape I'd be over whelmed, it would take me long to adjust, living 16 years in complete darkness. The only thing I'm allowed to have is nature. The sky and trees show me beauty and speak to me. The stars are twinkling, the moonlight bright and extravagant against my face as I peer out of the window. I look upon them searching for answers but get none. The trees bloom in spring, brighten in summer, die in fall and hibernate in winter. All this time though they speak to me -- they tell me it'll be alright. You may think that I'm crazy but it's true, nature is true beauty and it will speak to you. Earth is here for me as well. She never left and won’t as long as I'm around. She lets me cry, laugh and run on her not minding at all. She doesn't get mad; she just shines her true beauty. She doesn't hurt me if I do wrong; she tells me it'll be alright little one. I'd say she's my mother because she is; she makes me breathe her fresh air and makes me enjoy every object of nature on her. She's one I know who'll always be there for me. I love her, mother earth.
Today I woke hearing glass breaking on the tiled kitchen floor. I don't want to go down there and clean it up, I'm too tired but I know I must or I will be punished. So, I roll out of bed and slither down the stairs.
“Hey! Clean up this mess you scum.” My mother yelled at me as I walked down. I grabbed the broom as well as the dust pan from the closet.
“Hurry up!” She yelled again.
I quickly bent down and started to sweep up the broken mess.
“Hey you, why in god's name did you break this vase?” My father shouted as he stormed into the kitchen.
“I just woke up. I heard a crash and came down. Mo-” before I could finish I was cut off like every conversation every day. No matter what it was it was always my fault.
“Stop blaming things on your stingy mother.” He smacked the dust pan with all the glass out of my weak grip.
“Now, first for breaking the vase you get to clean it up again but because you lied and blamed it on my wife you have to walk on it – barefoot.”
I looked at my father like a deranged animal. I slowly slipped my left slipper off – then the right. I looked down at the pieces of broken glass; sharp edges and sides facing every direction. I inch my left foot towards the glass and slowly put my foot down. A long piece gashes into my foot. I wanted to urge my left foot back but force it down harder. I bit my tongue with my teeth to keep any sounds from projecting out of my mouth. I quickly urge my right down to ease the pain from my left but it only causes more pain as an enormous piece of glass gashes through my right foot, opening a long cut. The blood proceeds to guzzle out of the bottom making me feel woozy. I made a tiny noise at the sharp pain and shoved my hand into my mouth. I knew better not to make noise while being punished.
“Stop!”
I froze, both feet digging into the shards of glass. I look up to see my brother standing in the doorway.
“I did not say stop girl.” My father smacks me across the face with such a force I slam to the ground into the glass. Pieces of glass pierce through my hands, arms, legs and face. I lay there in shock and soak in all the pain. I close my eyes -- space out -- hibernate.
Chapter 4
My eyes slowly flicker open as I lift my head from the glass. Silence is hovering over me; no voices to be heard, no footsteps or cries, just pure solitude. Not thinking I got upon my knees, glass digging into them. I quickly get up and shuffle out of the mess. I slowly brush off the glass while examining my cold, bloodless body. Blood stained my pajamas and slippers which were off to the side. I look around the kitchen, my eyes still adjusting to the light. I grab for the nearby chair to balance myself from the spinning room, as my body throbs. I fail to reach it in time and fall again but this time on the kitchen floor with no glass beneath me.
I glance at my wrist, 10:00 am. Oh shit! I'm so late for school. I finally get up and stumble over to the bathroom to see how badly my face got cut. I still can feel the pieces of glass piercing my skin. I go into a drawer and grab the extra strong and sticky duct tape. After about a half an hour I've gotten all the glass out by slapping on the duct tape on my already weakening skin cells and ripping it off. I grab a wet cloth next and dab my skin to clean myself up. I place my makeup on, fix my hair, get dressed grabbing my backpack and head for the door. I hear something drop from upstairs almost like a chair. I look outside Dallin's car is still here but Mom and Dads’ cars are gone.
“DALLIN?!?” I screamed in a panic. I dropped everything and sprinted upstairs, I grab for his door but it's locked. “DALLIN! DALLIN!” I slam into the door with all my energy and broke it open. There hung my brother.
Chapter 5
I jolted up from where I collapsed on the kitchen floor. My heart racing, beating outside of my chest. I got up slowly and cautiously and went upstairs while still catching my breath. With teared filled eyes I see Dallin sitting in his room, head down.
“Dallin?” I whispered so quietly that I don't even know if he heard me.
“Nina, I though you were dead I-I was gun'na ki-kill-”
“No, it's okay I'm here. I was so worried.”
It was just a dream and he is alive. I go over to Dallin and hug him with all my might.
“I'm weak yet strong. We can do this – together, I won't leave.” Dallin looked at me and said something that I couldn't comprehend right away.
“I'm leaving Nina.” I froze in mid breath, chest freezing, eyes unable to blink.
“You're coming with me Nina. We are getting out of here.”
“I-I, it'll only get worse if we leave and come back,”
“Common you know you want to. They will kill both of us if we don't. I was so worried about you this morning. Luckily you still had a heartbeat and were breathing.” Dallin said trying to convince me and explain himself.
“Or kill us if they catch up or find out Dallin. Can I just get a lift to school right now? We can talk about this later.”
“Fine.”
As we drive up to school I get out of his car to check-in while he parked. The security guard watches me with big, beady eyes and large framed glasses. It's creeping me out, then he decides to approach me.
“Can I-ugh- help you ma'am?”
I nearly jumped out for my skin -- I must have been zoned out.
“N-no. I just need to check-in.”
“Okay. Here ya go, and here is your pass. Have a good day now.”
“Yes Sir, you too” I said shaky.
I walked away and went to my English class: my favorite class. Where I can express my feelings and Mrs. Fin will listen. She not only watches me, but comprehends my writing too. She's different from other teachers: she understands me. Sometimes I go and talk to her but I don't say much. I just like being with her; she is so caring and makes me feel different; special kind of. As I walk into class her cheery face went black and dull. She continued the lesson but kept her eyes on me, not pealing them off for one second. Was something wrong with me? Did I forget a scar or something to cover up? After class I had lunch so, Mrs. Fin invited me to have lunch with her. I graciously accepted and told her I would be right back. By the time I got back, she wasn't the only person in the room anymore; the principal, counselor, herself and a police officer were also there. I froze at the doorway and just stared.
“Come on in dear. We would just like to talk to you about something.” Mrs. Fin said in a luring voice that had some sound of concern.
“If it is my grades dropping I'm so sorry, I will try harder!”
“Nina, will you please just have a seat. You're not in trouble we would just like to ask you a couple of questions.” Principal Furmen said sternly.
“Um okay, what can I answer for you guys?” My heart was beating louder while my face got hotter.
“Well Nina, your teachers and fellow students have noticed how -- well this is hard to say but -- how you have been trying to cover up things. Like marks with makeup and stuff? Are people hurting you at home? Are you hurting yourself?” Principal Furmen exclaimed.
“I don't know what you are talking about Principal Furmen.” I said kind of shaky.
“We want to help you and we are just concer-”
“I said I'm fine, I have to go.” I snapped back cutting off Principal Furmen and ran out of the room.
Chapter 6
I walked
into the cafeteria like normal. I got my lunch: apple, milk, and a
bagel. I drifted over to my table and sat down; I looked before me
and saw him. His light-blue eyes twinkled when our eyes
met.
“Skylar.” He announced as I glanced at him to get a
better look.
“Nina.” I whispered graciously.
“Nice to
meet you. I’m new around here.” Skylar stated.
“I know.”
I snapped back.
“Oh? ” Skylar snapped right back.
“Yea,
no one sits here but me.”
Skylar went to get up grabbing his
lunch tray.
“You can join me though.” I said, trying not to
sound desperate. He sat back down into the hard, plastic chair with a
thump.
“So where are you from?” I questioned while opening my
milk carton.
“I’m from Fillmore, Nebraska. It’s quite
different in Maine.”
“Yeah...” I drifted off in thought.
“Nina?”
“Oh sorry, I must have zoned out. I didn’t
get much sleep.”
“Why?” He glanced at me with the most
curious facial expression -- the kind my brother gave me when I
wasn’t telling him something.
“Um -- no reason.”
“I
see.” He glanced at me in another strange way as if he was trying
to read through me to figure it out. I liked this boy. He was kind of
like Mrs. Fin but different -- more interested in whom I really was.
I had a gut feeling that he knew something too.
“Why are you
looking at me like that?” I questioned in an annoyed tone.
“I
know your trying to cover something up -- I’m just trying to figure
out what.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking
about.”
“Exactly, I do-” Before I let him finish I shot up
from my seat: grabbing my tray and turned. Skylar quickly grabbed my
arm in a way that was impossible for me to pull away -- I jerked
backwards. The preps that sat near me all stopped talking, then the
jocks and so on till the whole cafeteria became silent -- watching
us. I sat back down. I wasn’t used to all the beady eyes staring at
me.
“What do you want?” I snapped.
“Tell me. I’m not
here to hurt you I got secrets too -- we all do.” Skylar whispered
in a luring voice.
“It’s just -- let’s go out for a walk --
I’ll tell you then.”
“Alright.” We both got up and threw
our trash out. I went to grab my books but they weren’t there. I
glanced over at Skylar who was holding them.
“I’ll take these for you.” I looked up at him, he was fairly tall. I smiled, blushing a little. “Okay.”
As we walked outside a gust of wind hit us. I shivered at the cold air as it drew down my back, taking a deep breath in. Skylar glanced over and placed down the books. “Here.” He took off his black Volcom hoodie-which smelled of a spicy yet sweet cologne and handed it to me.
“Thanks.”
I spoke in a whisper.
“So tell me what you are trying to hide
from the world Nina.”
“Mmm, I don’t know. Should I trust
you?” I said with a flirtatious reply.
“I
don’t know.” He said in a bantering way back.
“Alright well
here it goes. There is Dallin, my “parents” and I. I get blamed
for anything and everything under the sun and get punished for it
but, it's nothing really -- I’m -- used to it.”
“Doesn’t sound like it but, I can relate.” Skylar hissed under his breath.
“What?”
“Nothing. I'm sorry to hear that but, I’m glad you trust me.”
A week passed and things really started to pick up. Things seem better now that Skylar was around. We talked every day at lunch and on our walks. I feel as if Dallin is finally getting happier too. Things finally seem to be panning out and it’s starting to be a wish come true -- the fairytale I always dreamed of.
A locket to lock the happiness in, a flower blooming for love to grow and a ladder to climb one step at a time to my goal, only he has the key to start it all.
The sun’s shining it's brilliance down on me today. I've never been happy like this. It’s a feeling that is so hard to explain. My stomach has butterflies as I look on the guy of my dreams -- Skylar. His voice soothes me like a baby listening to a lullaby. His eyes make me wonder off dreaming like when I gaze into the night sky. In my cage of darkness there is a light. It’s tiny and hard to see; it's letting me adjust to it just right. Skylar is the air I breathe on a dreary night, the flower I pick that is just right.
When I got home things didn't seem right. Something seemed to be MIA or missing in action.
“They aren't here Nina.” Dallin spoke in a cold tone.
“Where did they go?”
Dallin handed me a note, it read:
Kids,
By the time you get home we will be gone. We are going on a cruise for a week. The house better be spotless.
~Mom and Dad.
I looked up from the paper as Dallin hugged me -- I smiled ear to ear. A week off of torture and pain -- a week to rejuvenate. I went to bed that night with a smile placed on my face. I couldn't wait for school tomorrow so that I could tell Skylar the great news.
Chapter 7
All the girls including some guys want Skylar. They ignore the fact that he is with me and act as if I don't exist – like usual. Skylar is a rising popular guy but instead, he shadows himself from the others and stays by my side.
Today as I walked into lunch with a smile on my face I saw him. Sitting at the table hunched over, I sat down to see what was wrong while my smile faded away. His eyes are filled with tears – tears of pain. He didn't speak. I want to help but all I can do is wait for him to comeback. I know how he feels -- or do I? I can only imagine what could have happened for this kind of reaction. To think things were going just right -- that was just a figment of my imagination. So for the rest of the day we sat quietly and walked quietly too, as if we were sneaking around. I can't take this anymore!
“What's wrong?”
“What.” He said in a sharp tone.
“What is wrong?” I repeated.
“Don't worry about it. I just have to take care of some things.” Skylar spoke in a peculiar way.
This side of him I have never seen and I didn't want to either but, to understand him inside and out I had to face it – even if I didn’t know what was to come. I grab his hand to comfort him. Our finger tips touched and a spark shot through my fingers. He quickly jerked his hand away. I looked up at him with a solemn look.
“What is wrong? Come on Sky I'm here. Always and forever and you know it.”
“No!” He snapped back with such a force that I backed away.
My heart cracked a little more that minute. I don't understand what he is trying to say to me. My bottom lip starts to quiver; I bite my tongue trying not to cry. Alas with no success I broke down; tears slowly trickling down my face and I could no longer control it. He stopped walking and peered into my eyes -- I looked down.
“Nina, don't cry. I'm sorry, I just have a lot of stress and I'm trying to figure things out.” He exclaimed as he traces his fingers along my jaw bringing my head up. He then wraps his arms around me tightly and kisses the top of my head. Skylar looks deep into my eyes, while I look back into his light glassy blue ones, seeing my own reflection. He places his hand gently against my jaw again and smiles. He leans down and kisses me -- my mind swirls in different ways as I forget everything. I am so happy I want to cry but at the same time I can’t take my lips off his. He slowly releases me even though I want more. At that very moment I have made up my mind -- I'm in love.
Chapter 8
The sky has fallen today. It no longer lets me look at it for it is dreary and depressive. He left me without a sincere warning. I didn't know it was going to be this soon but -- you still deserted me. You told me that you would be here since it started. You left me; you had to; you couldn't have waited? You decided to leave me before they got back for it was easier that way? You deserted me just like they do. You broke your promise and I can't forgive you.
I wake up like normal with this being the last day that mom and dad aren't here. I went to school and talked with Skylar. Today he is coming over to meet my parents and ask Dallin some history questions. I slide the key into the lock of the front door and turn it. Dallin should be home but his car is missing, maybe he just went out for food or something. After I got the door open I escort Skylar around. I show him the upstairs, down and last of the rooms to show was the kitchen. Placed neatly, folded on the kitchen table is a note. I glance over at Skylar and he shrugs. It stated this:
Nina,
I love you so much to start off, but I have to break it to you -- I left. I needed to get out of the house before mom and dad came home. I just need another week or two without them. I didn't want to leave you, I honestly didn't but I don't know. I talked to you about this and all you said was how we were going to get in trouble if we got caught. Well, that may be your decision but for me -- I make my own. I will worry about you greatly and hope you can get through it. I know you’re a tough and strong girl. Mom and dad should be in a good mood after the vacation -- hopefully. I'll try to stop in for a little here and there to check on you. Bye.
~ Dallin
I look at Skylar who is reading the note over my shoulder. He knew that at that moment I would need him and at that moment he grabs me and says:
“Nina, I am here unlike your brother and I promise with all my heart that I will never leave you.”
My face starts to burn with fury and I couldn't control what was to happen next.
“NO, NO, NO, NO! You won't, he stayed with me for 16 years and bailed out on his own god dam sister. How am I suppose to know that you, just a teenage boy will stay by my side no matter what?”
Skylar looks at me straight in the eyes and pulls me close; leans in even closer and whispers in my ear: “Because I love you.” I froze at the thought while a shiver went down my spine. Skylar hugged me tight and let me cry into his chest. He knows that it hurts me so bad. Dallin and I were so close but he still left me for his own safety. I should have left when he told me to. Though if I did leave I wouldn't have Skylar, and right now he is all that I need.
Out of nowhere the front door's door knob turns and jingles as someone jams the key in. I freeze, my heart stops beating, my blood runs cold as the door opens -- there stands my parents.
“What in god's name is going on in here Nina?”
“I-I..” I trailed off as I had no words to speak.
“Mo-mom.” I shudder.
“Nina what is this boy doing here and where is Dallin?” She baffles.
“He left..” I start to cry again while Skylar holds me tighter. He knew that then and there that there was going to be an issue. My mother storms over to me, gripping my wrist tightly and pulls me out of Skylar's loosening grip. She slams me against the wall and shouts: “WHERE IS HE??”
“I -I don't know.” Tears start to stream down my face while Skylar stands there in shock. She slaps my face so hard that I collapse right to the floor.
“You are a useless girl you know that. Since when don't you know where your brother is?” She sternly says as she tries to interrogate me.
“Just wait till your father hears about this.” By this time Skylar came back to Earth – better known as reality.
“Nina ar..are you okay?”
“Oh you boy, you’re going to get it next.” My mom says trying to scare him; I know she doesn’t though. Skylar pushes her out of the way and picks me up. He then carries me quickly out to his car and places me in the front seat. My father, outside is unpacking. Once he hears the car door slam shut from Skylar he turns around.
“HEY! Who are you? Where are you taking that so called daughter of mine?” Skylar sprints to the other side of the car as my father races down after him. Skylar puts the car in gear and zooms down the street. For one second I am scared that they are chasing after us. Then I remember -- they never cared.
“Where are we going?”
“I really don't know yet, but I do know that we are going away – far away.” he says in a determined voice.
“Well..what about your place?”
“Ha. That is not the best place to go babe. I have to talk to my father first and make sure he, ugh -- isn't drunk. That’s when problems start to rise and I don't want to put you in more danger. I'm sorry I didn't react faster, I just couldn't believe that your mom would do that.”
“Yeah…um, should I be afraid of your father? That comment about danger and alcohol doesn't really settle with me well.”
“Well when my mother died from cancer my dad picked up drinking and when he drinks he is abusive. However when he isn't drunk he is one of the nicest people you will know -- that I can remember. I mean like, he always seems to be drunk but I know deep down that he isn't a bad guy. He just can't cope with my mother’s death yet and I understand that. They were madly in love Nina. My dad would tell me stories of how they met and how their feelings were so strong towards one another and then my mother would do exact the same. That is how I know that I love you, want to protect you and spend the rest of my life with you. My feelings are the same as the stories I heard from my mother and father of how their feelings were for each other.”
“Skylar..” I have no words that can come out – I am speechless.
“That is so sad and horrible yet the other part is so cute. I'm so glad that you moved here; but why did you exactly?”
“Well people in our town started rumors and he couldn’t deal with living in the house as well as sleeping in the bed where my mom did before she passed. He needed to try to do what would be best for Milo and I -- what would make us all happier as a torn apart family.”
“But instead he picked up drinking, thinking that it would help him through all the pain but actually changed him into a monster? Has he ever hit Milo?”
“Yeah -- but I know deep down he isn't a monster and no he has not hit Milo. I won't allow him to if he tried. I would do anything to protect my baby brother.”
“Good. I just have one more question Sky.”
“Yes, what is it Nina?”
“Well... what your mother's name?”
“Her name was Sylvia.”
“S-y-l-v-i-a. That’s quite a beautiful name. I'm very sorry to here about your loss and what you have to deal with. I hope I can help.”
“Aww, thank you and you do. I'm sure my father will ease on the alcohol while you’re around. Oh and I still have to tell him about you. What is today?”
“Friday?”
“Alright, it’s about four pm -- I'm pretty sure he hasn't started drinking yet.”
Chapter 9
We pull up to an old yet beautiful farm house. The stone walls keeping the house sturdy and strong with a roof to keep everything inside dry. It has a big red door in the front with a little light on the side. The long driveway made my anticipation build up even more. There’s barn to the side were Skylar seems to be driving to. He parks the car and says: “Hold on.” Sky gets out of the car – scrambling to the other side were I was sitting and opens the door. I get out slowly trying to not trip over myself and look like a dunce.
“That hit was pretty hard; it made you collapse on the floor. Are you feeling dizzy of anything?” Skylar says in a worried tone.
“I'm fine, I think I just need to sit down for a little.”
“Okay. Well this barn is Milo and I's crib. Ha-ah. He should be in there so I'll introduce you to him and then go talk to my father. Does that sound okay?”
“Yeah, thank you so much.” I whisper.
Skylar puts his arm around my waist and guides me to his “crib”. Skylar knocks in a pattern and Milo's head pops out. “Who goes there?” Milo tries saying in a low, deep, manly voice. “You let me in you little stinker! I have a princess.” Sky announces while playing along. “Yes your Highness.” Milo unlatches the door completely to let Skylar and I in. “He bud.” Skylar says as he scruffs Milo's dark brown hair. “Heyyy!” Milo whines – although it’s adorable. “Milo, this is Nina. I have to go talk to dad about her staying here. Can you watch after her?” “Yes sir.” Milo replies with a respectful yet playful voice.
“Nina, you going to be okay?”
“Yes. Go talk to your father.” I say as I laugh.
Skylar walks out of the room and out of the barn, down to the house.
“So Milo, how old are you?”
“I'm six in a half. How old are you?” He proudly says then asking curiously.
“I'm sixteen. Ha-ha.”
“Cool! I wan'na be that old!” Milo says so enthusiastic I couldn't help but laugh.
“Skylar had dated girls before but they have never came over. You must be really special.” He grins in a peculiar way at me. After talking to Milo for a while I found out a lot of pointless and interesting facts. Milo loves trucks and he even showed me his whole collection which he specifically said no one has seen before besides the family. He also showed me Skylar's room in the barn. It is so dreamy in there and there is all these drawings on his walls; painted ones, sketched ones, some in color, some dull and some in black and white.
“Milo, did Skylar draw and paint all these?”
“Yeah. He is really good. Wait a minute!” Milo freezes in mid-sentence trying to get all his thoughts together. “You are the Nina?”
“Um, well I believe I'm the only Nina Skylar knows so yes?” I’m not quite sure were Milo is taking this but it’s giving me an excited thrill.
“OH MY GOSHH!! I have to show you something. Follow me!” Milo shouts as he races away.
So here I am running around trying to catch up with Milo. Once I finally do he leads me to this other room and screeches to a halted. From Milo being so small and adorable and my lack of fast reflexes I bump into him.
“Oh, sorry Milo are you alright?”
“Yes. Now this room no one is allowed in but Skylar. Don't tell him but sometimes I take a peek. I thought you looked familiar and it’s because you’re in his studio! He never, I mean never has drawn any girl besides mom too. So you’re very special.” Milo jumps excitingly now that he has figured all this out.
“What do you mean?” Milo opens the sheet that is hanging from the top of the door frame and leads me in. I look around Sky's studio and Milo was right; I am in all the pictures. There are colored ones and black and white; ones of just me or ones with both of us. Milo and I distracted from this breath taking art did not realize that Skylar and his dad have walked in.
“MILO?!NINA?!” Skylar shouts through the barn.
Milo looks at me in terror. I knew that we weren’t supposed to be in here and Milo knew as well. I fell both our hearts sink as we hear their footsteps get closer and closer, faster and faster. The footsteps jolt to a stop, as we hear the curtain to the studio open.
“Milo I told you no one is allowed in here.”
“But she's the Nina. Right? Am I right? Tell me I’m right!” Milo drags on.
“Yes Milo now can you please excuse Nina, dad and I?”
“Yes sir.” Milo walks happily and satisfied out of the studio and down the hall till he got into his room.
“Skylar, I'm sorry. Milo was so excited to show me. I saw pictures in your room and in here and they are so amazing.” I’m so amazed by all this I didn't even remember that I’m supposed meet his father.
“Skylar, this is wonderful art work. I never knew you were so talented. I wish I paid more attention.” A stern low voice trails from behind him.
“It's okay dad. So let’s go into the TV room and you can meet Nina.” As I follow Skylar he grabs my hand which penetrates my whole body with shivers – all the way down my spine.
“Dad this is Nina, Nina my father.” Skylar seems to be a little nervous and shaky so I thought that I would help out.
“Hello Mr. Felix. How are you doing?” I ask kindly.
“I'm doing alright -- better knowing that my son is happy. It is very nice to meet you Nina. Skylar told me what has happened, I hope you don't mind. I would love to have you as a part of the family. Stay as long as you want Nina, and if you ever need anything don't be afraid to ask.”
“Why thank you so much. I do have one issue though. I seem to be lacking clothes. I'm too frightened to go home to get my clothes right now and I am not sure when my parents will home or not.” I say in a quite whisper.
“Well, do they always answer the phone Nina?”
“Mmm yes, they do actually.” I affirm in a curious way.
“Well I'll call, like prank call you could say and when they do not answer then we can head over and if their cars aren't there then, we will go in. Do you have a key?”
“That is a brilliant idea Mr. Felix and no but I know where the spare is. I hid it so if my “brother” or I snuck out -- if it ever got too bad at home.”
“Good. Well it was nice meeting you Nina. I need to go back to the house I'm going to make dinner. Is there anything you do not eat?” He asks in a caring, kind way.
“Um, the only thing I don't eat is seafood but Skylar told me you guys don't either and I'm not allergic to anything else, so anything is good. Again thank you so much. Oh and here is my house number. If I were you I would call with a cell phone because then they can't track the call as easily.”
“Skylar you picked such a beautiful and crafty girl. I'll call when dinner is ready.” With that Mr. Fleix or Skylar's dad walks out. He seems so nice and welcoming. I love Milo; he is adorable and he has such an enormous vocabulary. Dinner passes fast; it was interesting yet a lot of fun! It’s like I’m actually a part of a family for once in my life.
Chapter 10
Death dwells on all of us. It dwells on me, Skylar, Milo and Mr. Flex yet in different ways. I think about it more -- well this thing called life. I escaped from my family and I'm still not completely happy. I am hiding my pain with a mask once again. Yeah, Skylar makes my soul soar but I can't stop thinking about the last couple days. Things seem different yet life -- still goes on. I may not know what happiness really feels like but I know that Skylar is hiding something from me. His strange behaviors are starting to make me think about what could be going on – or ending.
A week or two went by and everything has been going great until Skylar's mothers passing came up on the calendar. It was a day I was never going to forget. I wake up like normal, or so I thought; Skylar right next to me but -- he wasn't. I go to Milo's room, not there either. I went to the house, no one was home. Alright this is ticking me off! I decide to walk to school -- 4 miles, you’ve got to be kidding. I know this is a painful day for them but they could have at least left a note. After my huge walk to school I finally make it to the main entrance. I walk down the halls and go to my locker. I can't seem to find Skylar at all -- got him. I halt to a stop as I watch him lean against his locker; which just happens to be next to Mindi's. She's one of the prettiest girls in school and seems to not be minding either – of course. What the heck is going on? Is there a vibe between them? I look at them some more, observing their body language. It seems to be flirtatious and caring; the way he looks at me. My eyes start to fill up with tears. I want to turn away, I really do but I can’t keep my eyes off of them. Skylar watches her as she stands up, smiles and gives her a hug. The unfriendly hug -- the hug that meant more; tight and saucy but spacey knowing I’m in the way of them. Skylar puts his arm around her and walks by me -- not even taking a second look. I sit down in the hall and cry. No one has ever seen me cry before because I held it together but this was just too much. They all knew of me as the girl who would sit by herself and talk to no one.
I left school that day early. I was going back home. I walk 4 miles to Sky's house to get my clothes that Mr. Felix and I successfully got from my house. As I walk up the driveway I was have this very uneasy vibe. I go over to the barn and did the secret knock, Milo however didn't answer. I knew that he was staying home today and he should have been up. I call his name a couple times and still no answer; so I decide to try the house. Skylar told me not to go in there with out him but I have had enough and I’m worried about Milo. I go to knock on the door when I hear a scream -- a scream of a child – the scream of Milo. I barge into the house and see Mr. Fleix on the ground holding Milo in a headlock.
“MILO! OH MY GOSHH!!!” I break the terror in Milo’s scream and startle Mr. Fleix so much, he lets go. Instead he starts to come my way. Skylar always told me how dangerous he was when he is drunk and he is as fast as a dam jackrabbit. I try to get away and check on Milo who lies limp on the floor. Tears stream down my face as Mr. Fleix grabs me by the neck and lifts me into the air, starting to choke me. I struggle to get free but with no success. Getting low on oxygen he finally lets go letting me hit the cold hardwood floor with a thump. He then picks me back up and slaps me.
“NINAA.” He says in a voice that is very uncomfortable to me -- like my father does -- I start to quiver. I try to punch and kick but I can't move – it starts to fade. There I lye room spinning, Milo limp on the floor behind me and Mr. Fleix tromping around the house. My eyes bat down heavily as my body shut down.
This isn't supposed to be like this, but the world is going to keep on spinning without us. It won't be the same but it’s okay; just please don’t leave like the rest of em’, you can't make me believe that what we had was meant to be. This acting as if you’re going to desert me like an abandoned child like my parents hurts and you know deep down, its killing me; so stop and just help me.
Suddenly I hear a bang and the door slams open. I try to raise my eye lids but they are too heavy from nights of not sleeping and that pain throbbing through my body. I hear a voice fade through my mind; it's Skylar's. Oh for I yearn to see him again, have him hold me and say “I love you.” I feel the Earth shake beneath me and then silence. I feel footsteps scurrying over to where Milo is.
“Yes, sir I need an ambulance there has been an accident with my father. He is drunk an-.” The man on the other line must have cut him off.
“He is six in a half and my girlfriend is 16.”
My heart soars, even though I can’t move. I don't care about that other girl; we could talk about that later. I just want him to hold-. Before I finish my thought I feel a warm hand touch my throbbing body, it was Skylar.
“Nina, I'm so sorry. My one friend Bruce told me that you left after you saw me with Mindi. This is all my fault. I was trying to help her with this guy that kept creeping on her and I should have told you. Mindi and I used to be friends in Nebraska. When I found out that I was moving to her school I was so happy. Then I saw you, she told me where you sat and that is how it all began. I' m so sorry babe please come back to me.” He had to stop talking for his voice was getting lost in all his thoughts. I feel a tear land on my cheek with a splat. He leans down and kisses me on the lips -- like sleeping beauty. It feels like an eternity until he departs from my lips, but I didn't want him to stop. I try to flicker my eyes open but I can't. He grabs my hand and grips it tightly, giving it a kiss. I was determined to squeeze his hand so he knew that I wasn't dead. I try with all my might and finally -- a little squeeze. I did it, I did it!! I feel his light-blue eyes lay on my lifeless body.
“Nina?” I try to say something but I can’t get anything out but a faint whisper.
“I-I-” Saying no more as my mind starts to drift of. No, no. You can do this tell him, tell him how you feel. My mind races as I feel him lean in closer.
“Nina, what is it?” Skylar is content yet still has a worry in his voice.
“I love you.” I say in such a hushed tone that I wasn't sure if he had heard me.
I feel the floor rumble again under me over towards where Milo must be.
“MILO?!” I hear Skylar's voice yell ecstatically and can't help but fight for a smile.
“NINA?!” He projects even more ecstatically. My eyes start to flicker open. I see his eyes teary and red while Milo is bundled up in his arm. I close my eyes and everything disappears along with all my senses.
It was love at first sight that changed to hate at the sound of each others name. She sits alone at home crying and being afraid, for she has no one to lean on but an old rusty gate. He is with the princess while she is just an ugly peasant. She means nothing to him but she can’t stop herself from loving a prince or so I thought. Until that prince came up and told me that he loved me.
Chapter 11
I'm on a journey that I never stop learning from, new things thrown at me in so many different ways. Every living creature is unique in their own way we all have hidden talents, hidden secrets and hidden pasts.
I wake up to the sound of a beeping. The sound pierces through my ears every time. My sense of feeling starts to overcome my body again as I come back to Earth. I feel someone holding my hand. I smiling believing it is Skylar but as I creek my eyes open slowly to adjust to the bright light it’s not. There with his head on my bed asleep was -- my dad. I try to jerk away but my hand wouldn't move. Was I dreaming? I hear faint talking outside of my room but can't put my finger on who it is. Flashbacks of everything start to trigger and stream through my head like a movie, like it’s happening all over again – I start to scream. My dad shoots up, nurses ran in followed by Skylar.
“GET AWAY! GET AWAY!” I terrifyingly scream.
They all stare at me wide eyed as if I were the newest porcelain doll displayed at
Toys-R-Us. My dad went to restrict me more then I already was and I proceed to scream but twice as loud. I have awakened in a nightmare -- awakened in the wrong arms. I try to kick and flail my arms. I try to get out of the hospital bed but am unsuccessful. Skylar finally gets through the crowd that has formed around me.
“STOP! GET AWAY FROM HER!” Skylar yells in a tone of fury. My dad steps away with his arms up but I knew he was furious inside. Skylar hugs me tightly. “It's okay Nina, I'm here now and I'm not leaving, never again.” I calm down as he wipes my tears off of my bright, burning and puffy face.
One of the nurses went to go get a doctor but by the time he arrives I am calmed down. Skylar leans over and kisses me on the cheek. I could feel dad's temperature go up higher and higher, every second while Skylar was holding me tighter and tighter.
The doctor pulls my father out of the room for a little to “talk” to him. I knew deep down that he knew, he knew that the scars, the bruises and my broken heart were my dad's fault. I knew that he would save me, as well as Skylar. The doctor comes in and grabs Skylar's arm tightly.
“Excuse me sir but you're going to need to leave.” He informs.
“Why what's wrong?” Sky says in a panic.
“The police are on their way. Nina's father told me everything that happened.”
“He wasn't even there” Skylar's temperature starts to go up.
“Please calm down.” the doctor commands.
“Is this come kind of sick joke?” Right then the police arrive, my mind tries to sorts everything that just happened.
“NO! He can't go! Please don't make him leave. What's going on? NO!” I start tearing up again. Skylar grips to me tightly and I wasn't about to let him be taken away either. The police step into the room and try to ask Skylar to let go calmly. He of course aware of the whole situation refuses and holds on tighter. His grip pierces pain into my hand yet in a heartwarming way. I cry and scream while the police grab Skylar out and away from me. I go to get up but realize that I can't. They have strapped me to the fucking bed. No wonder I couldn't tear my hand away from my dad as well as my kicking and flailing of the arms weren't so successful. Skylar looks back with his light-blue teary eyes and mouths “I love you.” and my heart throbs to a stop. It can't be real I must be dreaming. No! I decided then and only then that I am going to run when I can.
Chapter 12
I've been touched by a light. An angel has come down and tried to save me but the demons took over pushing my angel away. Now I lie in despair wishing I could go back with the one who really cares. I yearn for your lips to come down and place themselves upon my soft delicate body and save me. Send your wings down and I'll fly up, up to the highest point with you.
A day passes. I refuse to eat, talk or move. I will not please these monsters that have taken him away from me and there is nothing they can do to change my mind.
I used to dance on the moon and dream one day that I'd meet the prince charming of my life. It's always a little girls dream to be loved and treated as the princess that they'd always pretend to be. He has finally come and found me but now I have to get him back.
I slowly move my wrists around in the restraints. No luck, they are way too tight. A nurse walks in to check on me; I decide to put my acting skills to the max.
“Excuse me. Can you loosen these just a little?” I ask in agony.
“I'm not allowed honey, sorry.” She protested against me.
“Oh please. I can't feel my hands and they feel cold and distant.” I whine and plead.
“Well. Okay, but don't tell anyone that I did.”She loosens them just a tiny bit but it is just enough for me to slip my thin, scarred wrists and hands in and out of the leather straps. She walks out of the room, stops and glances back.
“Be careful Nina, they are watching.” And walks away.
Who? Who was she talking about? Who was watching me and why? My stomach starts to twist beneath me; my eyes burn and my heart turns cold. I cringe at the thought of people examining and conferring my every move. I slowly slip my right hand out of the restrain -- then the left. I proceed to slide down to the bottom of the bed where the straps were restraining my feet. I freeze; my heart-rate has sky-rocketed; the beeps getting faster and faster. I shoot back up the bed slipping my wrists back into the straps when the doctor walks in. I close my eyes and pretend I am dreaming. I hear him grab his clipboard, jot something down, murmured and walk out. I wait a couple of minutes until I open my eyes. There stood the nurse, in dark purple scrubs. My heart almost halting to a stop.
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