Queen of the Freaks
By Angela Anderson
Smashwords Edition
Copyright © 2011 by Angela Anderson
Smashwords Edition License Notes
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Chapter One
My nineteenth birthday was going great until the gnome showed up.
Imagine my surprise when I got into my taxi after a wicked party with all of my friends, only to find a dwarf (no, I’m not being mean here, he really was a dwarf), complete with pointy hat and long white beard looking back at me from the rear view mirror.
“Hi, Tianna.” Except it sounded like Tee-ah-na. A British dwarf, who would’ve guessed?
“I’m sorry, I think you have the wrong person.” I rolled my eyes and wished he would put the pedal to the metal, so to speak. The numerous strawberry daiquiris were going straight through me.
“I believe that in this world you are addressed as Melanie?”
Okay, now he was getting creepy.
“Look buddy, I’m not sure how you know my name or how you think you know me but could you please just get this thing moving now?”
As requested, the taxi lurched forward. So did my stomach. Ugh. I noticed the driver was sitting on not one, but three thick, yellow phone books.
“My lady, you will require my assistance in adjusting to your new life now that you are nineteen years of age.”
Wait, how did this guy know I was nineteen? I eyed the door and calculated the estimated time it would take for another cab to pick me up.
“You have much to learn and I’m afraid I’m the only one who is aware of your secret. Your body will be going through many changes in the next short while—”
“Hold on now buddy, enough talk of my body. Just get me home or I’ll report you to the police and get a restraining order or something.”
He turned around and I got a full view of his small, bearded face. It wasn’t pretty.
“As you desire my lady (mah lady), but I shall leave you with my contact information.”
I took his business card and glanced at the writing.
“Bob? Your name is Bob? You’re a British dwarf named Bob?”
“Gnome, my lady. Dwarves are an entirely different race, as you will soon learn.”
That was when I passed out.
I don’t remember getting home, but I woke up in my apartment the next morning with a brutal headache. I was convinced the whole event had been a dream until I found the business card on my kitchen table. I promptly threw it in the garbage. That was three days ago.
A lot of unusual stuff has happened since that night. At first, I thought I was just having really bad PMS. I mean, usually I crave chocolate or salty french fries, but craving raw meat? That was just weird. Let me explain.
I was at work, applying a fresh coat of lipgloss while admiring my new eyeshadow color in the mirror in the hallway, when I caught a whiff of something delicious coming from the kitchen. I should mention I am a waitress at a seafood and steakhouse restaurant here in Bar Harbor (might as well earn money for looking good and being popular). Anyways, I followed the scent into the kitchen and hovered over the fresh cut steaks. Not the cooked steaks, or even the marinating ones. Nope, the raw ones.
As soon as I saw the pool of juice and blood under the meat, I started to drool.
And then I licked it.
Yep, I bent over the counter and licked the uncooked steak. That was when the first red flag went off.
Then there was the paranoia. I could’ve sworn I was being followed everywhere I went. And I don’t just mean that guys were watching me as I walked past them. That I was used to.
This was a creepy, deep in your stomach, gut feeling that made me look over my shoulder every ten seconds.
But the thing that really made me question my sanity was my appearance this morning when I woke up. Being a brunette all my life (and proud of it, thank you!), you can imagine my shock when I looked in the mirror and discovered that my long, luscious locks were blonde. Not just “I got a little bit of sun” blonde highlights, but BLONDE. Just slap a dress on me and call me Barbie!
Which was why I was now digging through a dumpster in my pajamas, looking for a business card that a British dwarf—sorry, gnome—gave me. Talk about a bad Monday morning!
I caught a glimpse of myself in the hallway mirror when I swung my apartment door open. The blonde hair disgusted me even more than the twenty minutes I spent in the dumpster.
Business card in hand, and with a used baby wipe on the bottom of my shoe (gross!), I made my way over to my cell phone. I briefly wiped my hands on my pajama bottoms, making a mental note to burn them instead of washing them, and then dialed the number on the card.
I waited. No dial tone, no ringing. I glanced at the display, then shook the phone.
“You called mah lady?”
I spun around so fast my phone went flying across the room.
“Jesus! What the hell?” A hint of a smirk appeared on Bob’s face before he composed himself and bowed down in front of me. “Why, exactly, are you bowing? I am not the fucking queen. Oh, and you owe me a new cell phone. And how on earth did you get in here? And why is my hair blonde??”
Bob raised a single eyebrow. “Charming. Actually, mah lady, you are the queen. I got inside your residence with simple retrieval magic. I’m not sure why this world is so attached to these cell phones, but I will be sure to locate a new one for you immediately.”
“You’re on crack Bob. Anyone ever tell you that?”
“No, mah lady.”
I could tell I was going to need every ounce of patience with this little dude.
“So, Bob, back to this queen business. If you think I’m the queen then you’re not as British as you think you are. In case you haven’t noticed, this is not a palace, I do not wear stuffy pastel-colored suits, and if you look outside you will not find any men in furry hats guarding me.”
“Would your majesty like men in furry hats guarding you? It can be arranged.”
“Would I like men in furry hats?” I paused for a second, distracted by the temptation of men in uniform…no, don’t go there Mel.
I was seriously doubting my decision to contact this bearded weirdo.
“Okay Bobby, my patience is wearing out. Tell me what the hell is going on or your midget-sized ass is going to be tossed out my window.”
“I suppose it is time to inform you about your situation.” He dramatically cleared his throat before continuing. “You, mah lady, are our queen. Your mother was our queen until her untimely death, and now that you are of the age of maturity, you will return to our world and take your rightful place on the throne.”
“Uh HUH.”
“There is, unfortunately, a bit of a glitch in this plan. Your mother bore another child, your twin brother, who was taken by Dagda and raised in our world. He is…not a nice person. Our only hope for a happy future rides with you.”
“Uh HUH.”
“To everyone in our world, you are only a legend—a myth that our people want to believe in. Only I have been privileged with the truth, the knowledge that you exist and that you would come back to save us when you reached your age of maturity. Your parents entrusted you to me when your brother was stolen. I brought you to this world and left you on the doorstep of a very wealthy family who would provide a home and upbringing worthy of a queen.”
“Uh HUH.”
“Given that your brother is unaware of your existence, I suggest that we keep him in the dark until you have fully changed and come up with a brilliant plan to banish him, but I urge you to plan quickly mah lady, as our world is suffering under his reign.”
“Uh HUH.”
“Truly mah lady, I expected more of an elaborate response from you.”
“How’s this for an elaborate response, jackass,” I made my way over to the front door, opened it, and pointed outwards with my finger.
A sigh and another arched eyebrow were the only reactions from Bob as he made his way towards the door.
“Mah Lady.”
His bow was interrupted by with a swift kick from my foot. “Don’t forget to replace my cellphone Bobby. Pronto.”
Chapter Two
I made a decision. I decided that everything had logical explanations. Logically, Bob was a midget who belonged in a mental institution. Logically, I was low on iron and my body only wanted raw meat for nutritional value. Logically, the paranoia was just my active imagination, stimulated by watching re-runs of The Twilight Zone alone late at night. Logically, the blonde hair…well…maybe I dyed my hair in a momentary lapse of judgement and then suffered from twenty-four hour amnesia which made me forget that I dyed it. Yeah, that’s it.
So, feeling refreshingly confident with my new logical explanations, I held my head high and did what any red-blooded female in my shoes would do. I marched down to the nearest drugstore to buy a box of brown hair dye, and maybe some iron supplements.
As soon as I turned the corner and started to walk down the alleyway, the feeling of paranoia hit me again. My heart started racing involuntarily and it felt like my stomach pressed an internal panic button. Alleys in big cities like New York might be worrisome, but here in Bar Harbor, the worst thing you could encounter might be a stray cat searching dumpsters for leftover seafood.
My brain was telling my body not to worry, but my body wasn’t listening. My eyes darted everywhere and I instinctively walked with my back against the wall, sideways through the alley. I flung my long (and still blonde!) hair over my left shoulder about one second before the streak of flames hit the wall beside me. I could feel the heat on my eyebrows and lashes and I shrieked out in terror. I couldn’t see who was behind the yellow dumpster to my right but they must be using a blowtorch as their weapon. Whatever happened to good ol’ knives and guns?
I ran beside the green dumpster on my left just as another whoosh of flames hit the wall where I was just standing moments before. This time I focused on the source of the flames behind the yellow dumpster. It wasn’t a blowtorch. Or a person. It was a tiny…rat? No wait, it didn’t have fur, only scales. Maybe it was a baby crocodile? That shot fire? And had wings? I squinted my eyes a little more. Or maybe it was a…
“Dragon.”
I jumped back and hit my shoulder against the corner of the dumpster. The man on my left was beautiful. Seriously, he could be a model for Abercrombie and Fitch. But he was damn sneaky. I hadn’t heard him in the alley at all.
“Who the hell are you? Where did you come from?” I snapped at him.
He didn’t respond. Instead, he reached into the canvas messenger bag he was wearing and pulled out an orange cardboard box of baking soda. He winked at me before tossing the contents of the box at the mini-rat-crocodile-with-wings-thing. There was a poof, a cloud of white powder, a sound that resembled a hamster choking, and then the tiny flame-thrower disappeared. Literally.
“Well, that was interesting.” I mumbled as I stared at the pile of white dust on the ground next to the dumpster for a moment before remembering the hot guy standing beside me.
As soon as I turned towards him, he stuck out his hand. “I’m Finn.”
I tentatively shook his hand. “Melanie.” I rolled my eyes and muttered to myself. “Or maybe Tianna, I really don’t know anymore.”
“Wait, did you say Tianna? As in Queen Tianna?”
“Well that’s what an insane midget guy named Bobby Boy told me this morning when he popped up inside my apartment. Which was after my hair went all peroxide on it’s own. And before the…dragon…attack.” Speaking of insane, why was I spurting out random info about my freakish life to a stranger?? “So um, who are you exactly Finn?”
“Your Majesty, I just knew you weren’t a myth! Oh, I’m so excited!” Finn did what I could only describe as a happy dance, complete with clapping and hip wiggling.
“Ya, it’s thrilling. Listen, can you tell me how you know about all of this? You don’t look like a gnome to me.”
“Well I’m a Nos, Your Majesty, just like you.”
“Nos?”
“Nosferatu…a vampire.”
“Riiiiiiiiight. A dragon-killing vampire that walks around in broad daylight.”
“Actually I didn’t kill him Your Majesty, I only put his flames out for a bit. He disappeared back to our world once I made him defenseless.”
“So that’s what the baking soda was for? To put out his flames?”
“It’s a lot easier to be prepared with a box of BS than to find water whenever you need it.”
“A box of BS huh? This whole day sounds like a big box of BS to me. Okay Dracula, tell me how you are walking around in sunlight if you’re a vampire.”
“That’s just a myth. I mean, it’s easier to hide who we are if we sleep during the day and avoid people, but it’s not like the sun will burn us or anything. You should know that, you’re outside right now and you’re fine.”
“Why on earth would you think I’m a vampire??”
Finn gasped loudly, covering his mouth with his hand for extra drama. “Your Majesty, please tell me that Bob explained who your parents were?”
I remembered the swift kick I gave Bob on his way out earlier that morning and grimaced a little.
“No, we didn’t quite get a chance to discuss my family tree.”
A gust of wind blew through the alley and I caught a glimpse of my long blonde hair, making me remember the reason for going through the alley in the first place. A part of me wanted to pursue this vampire family tree topic, but I pushed that thought aside and focused on the most important thing—getting my brunette hair back! A girl has priorities, you know.
“Well Drac, it was nice meeting you. Best of luck in the dragon-busting biz, but I’ve got to get going now.”
“Wait,” His hand pulled my arm firmly. “Your Majesty, I cannot let you roam these streets alone again. What if the dragon comes back?”
“Hrm. Good point.” God, he’s cute. “I’ll make sure to buy a box of baking soda while I’m at the drugstore.”
I tried to move forward but his (rather strong) hand was still on my arm and he was giving a me a look that clearly said I was losing this battle and he would be following me regardless of what excuses I gave him. I sighed. “All right Drac, you can escort me to the drugstore, but you’re buying your own dragon busting powder.”
We came out of the store a few minutes later with a box of Soft Mahogany Brown and a case of Arm and Hammer. Finn kept talking about how the world was saved and stuff, but I just ignored him. He was cute, but he wasn’t that cute and frankly I was stressed. My logical explanations of all the weird shit weren’t really holding up, and that was worrisome to say the least. I was never one of those people who believed in gnomes or dragons or vampires…hell, I didn’t even believe in Santa Claus when I was a kid. So how come Bob and Finn’s explanations were starting to make more sense than my own practical logic? My brain was starting to hurt.
Thankfully, no dragons tried to attack again and we made it to my apartment door sans charring.
“Well, we made it safe and sound vamp boy. Thanks for your escort service.” I tilted my head sideways. Somehow that last line didn’t sound right.
He stood on my doorstep and watched me unlock the door and then step inside my apartment. “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”
I rolled my eyes. “Ohhhhhhh right, the vampire needs to be invited into the home before he can step across the threshold, right?”
“No. But it is rude if you don’t invite me in.”
The I’m-smarter-than-you smirk on his face is what made me lose my temper. I grabbed the box out of the shopping bag and waved it in his face. “Well, maybe I’ll just take my rude self inside and dye my rude hair and choose not to invite you in. How does that sound, fang boy?”
“Wow, you really are something special aren’t you? Well, no matter, I’ll just make myself at home then?” He stepped inside and started to make his way to the living room with the baking soda in his arms.
“Argh! Do whatever you want, I don’t care anymore! All I want is for my life to be normal and my hair to be brown again. Is that too much to ask??” Throwing my hands up in exasperation, I stomped to the bathroom and slammed the door shut.
Thirty-five minutes later I had glorious, shiny brown locks once again. After admiring my reflection in the mirror, I opened the bathroom door and stepped out with a big smile on my face.
“Ha! See? I win! Buh-bye Barbie, hello Vixen!” I stroked my long, smooth hair and posed for Finn. He looked amused, which was not the reaction I was hoping for. Any other guy would’ve been dropping their jaw and trying to get my cell number to text me later. Which I may or may not reply to, depending on my mood.
But Finn was just standing near the kitchen table with that silly smirk on his face again. This guy was totally killing my good mood.
“What? You only like blondes or something? Do vampires not feel attracted to hot girls after they start drinking the red juice?” I tried another pose. No reaction.
“I’m sure that some vampires feel very attracted to hot girls Your Majesty, but I am not one of them. Please don’t be offended, you are a very beautiful young woman, but I play for the other team.”
Oh.
I scanned him again from top to bottom. Hair immaculately styled, well shaven, perfect complexion (not to mention a jawline and cheekbones designed to melt hearts), trendy clothes, man-bag with Prada sunglasses attached to the side, brown leather flip flops and feet that looked like they recently had a pedicure. Yep, the signs were all there. My gay-dar must’ve been on the fritz.
“A gay vampire who walks around in sunlight, can enter human homes at any time and carries a box of baking soda around in case there is a need to extinguish a dragon the size of my fist? Fuck. Soooooo, does that mean that you only drink blood from guys then?”
That got him giggling. Yes, giggling like a school girl. Honestly.
“Your Majesty, drinking blood is food. It’s breakfast, lunch and dinner all wrapped up in a couple of veins.”
“Ew. Spare me the gory details Drac.”
“It would be like ordering salmon at a restaurant but asking the waiter to only bring you a hot, young male salmon. It’s just food. I don’t date food.”
Mmmm…salmon. Better yet, raw salmon, freshly cut with juices and—
“Oh my God! I want sushi!”
“Hello?? ADHD much? Did you forget to take your Adderall today? Are you even capable of focusing on a subject for more than five seconds??”
“Sorry dude, I know you thought your gay vampire dating restaurant story was important, but this is a craving! This is like super PMS.” I ran over to him and grabbed him by his Dolce and Gabbana shirt.
“I. Need. Sushi. Now.”
*POOF*
“What the hell was that?” I let go of model-boy and spun around to see the top of a red pointy hat. “Oh, great.”
“Hey Bob, what’s up?” Finn didn’t seem surprised to see a gnome pop up out of nowhere.
“What are you doing here Bob?” I could feel a headache coming on. Actually it was more of a toothache. Odd.
Bob bowed towards me and then handed me a box. “Your Majesty. Here is your new cell phone.”
I looked at the box. There was a hand-written note that said “Beta Gen X” on it.
“What kind of phone is this exactly?”
“MacIntosh Apple’s latest generation of the…what do they call it? MyPhone?”
I rolled my eyes. Was this guy for real? “An iPhone perhaps? God, Bob, do you live under a rock? IPhones have been around for years now.”
“Not this one, Your Majesty. I believe mortals have only seen up to generation four, you have generation ten. Of course, when Apple develops a generation eleven I’ll be sure to get you one as a replacement.”
“A generation ten? When did they invent it, like last night? Wait a minute. Bob, did you steal this?”
Finn cleared his throat and began to straighten out his shirt from where I grabbed him. Bob stared down at the floor.
“Not steal, Your Majesty. I just borrowed it.”
“Do the super-smart geeks at Apple know that you borrowed it?”
“Not exactly, Your Majesty.”
“Great. Just add “stolen iPhone” to my “today sucks because” list.” My jaw was throbbing and I could feel my heartbeat pounding through my teeth. I grabbed my black Chanel purse off the counter and hunted around for a bottle of Advil. “Well, since you’re here Bob, maybe you could steal—I mean, borrow—some sushi? I have a craving in the worst way, and WHERE THE HELL IS MY ADVIL?”
Chapter Three
A temper tantrum, two Advils, and a plate of fresh sushi later, the pain in my jaw and head went away completely and I was sitting in my living room feeling much calmer than I had all day. In fact, I was even starting to think that Bobby’s theories were better than my own. I know, crazy right?
“So Bob, about this morning, I think I kicked you out of here too quickly. There are some holes in my family history that I think you need to fill in for me.” I glanced quickly at Finn and continued. “What is this talk of me being a vampire?”
Bob stood up and started pacing the length of my living room.
“Your Majesty, I already told you that your mother was our Queen. Your father, obviously, was our King. He was a vampire, which makes you half-vampire.”
“Hold on a sec. I knew I was adopted, but you’re saying that these people—er, creatures?—were my real parents and that my adopted parents had no clue? Do my living parents know any of this?”
“No, Your Majesty. They received you as a baby on their doorstep after I placed you there. They know nothing of our world or how your life will change. I did, however, work a little magic to make sure they were removed from your city of residence while you went through your changes.”
“So THAT’S why they decided to move to France all of a sudden? I thought it was odd that they just decided to buy a wine orchard and move to France two months ago.”
Bob just grinned, obviously proud of himself.
“So, I’m half-human and half-vampire? I suppose that’s not too bad. I’ll just order my steaks blue and still have a normal life.” I was feeling somewhat optimistic about this. I should eat sushi more often.
“Well, I’m afraid your idea of a normal life will not be occurring quite as you desire it to. You are still coming into your powers and will need to return to our world as our queen, just as I stated in our previous conversation.”
“I’ll have vampire powers? From what I’ve seen from Drac over there, the only power I need comes in a little orange box that I can buy at a grocery store.” I chuckled to myself and stuck my tongue out at Finn. He returned the gesture.
“Actually, it’s not only vampire powers that you’ll be inheriting. Your mother was a fairy.”
I started giggling. Giggling turned into laughter. Laughter turned into a fit of uncontrollable hysterics that left me wiping my eyes.
“So,” Snicker snicker. “My dad was a vampire,” Snort. “And my mom was a fairy?” Giggle giggle.
Finn had taken out a nail file and started to trim his nails while waiting for my fit of laughter to finish. Bob did not look impressed with either of us.
“Your Majesty, I assure you that I never lie. Everything I tell you is the truth and requires the utmost seriousness. The more prepared you are for your powers, the sooner we can move forwards and defeat your brother. This is no laughing matter.”
“Okay Bob. Don’t get your tighty whiteys in a knot. So, what kind of fairy powers should I be looking for? Will I be shrinking? Growing wings? Should I look up Tinkerbell’s phone number and ask her for advice?”
Bob’s scowl made him look bigger than he was.
“Alright, alright. Give me the scoop Bobby. I promise I’ll listen like a good little girl. What powers should I be expecting to arrive via fairy godmother?”
Bob pursed his lips together, sighed, paced some more, and then cleared his throat.
“Well to be honest Your Majesty, no one can really be certain of what powers you will receive since you and your brother were the first vampire-fairy race created in our world. But, I’ll give you the possibilities so at least you can recognize the signs when they show themselves.” He cleared his throat before continuing. “Vampires have speed, agility, and strength on their list of powers. They can also influence the people around them by looking into their eyes. Some can read minds, some can’t. All vampires require blood to survive and of course, they are immortal with a few exceptions. Wooden stakes through the heart, starvation, fire and beheading can kill a vampire. Garlic, crosses and sunlight cannot. Human food can be consumed in order to blend into your world but it really doesn’t have any affect on their body and isn’t required. Some vampires, like your father and Mr. Finn, are born vampires from two vampire parents. Others are created by existing vampires. The process for turning a human into a vampire is tricky to say the least and although the technique was popular in earlier centuries, modern-day vampires seem to be less inspired to change humans. I blame the internet.”
I had to chuckle at that one. Finn raised a single eyebrow. Bob continued.
“Fairies are deemed irresistible in both looks and character. They often help others but also like to play pranks and are mischievous. They are humorous, or at least they think they are.” Bob shot me a look. “Fairies can, in fact, fly with the wings that are attached to them. Each fairy has a different set of wings—they are similar to fingerprints in the human world. Fairy size varies, some species are small and have pixie ancestry, some are larger with pureblood history and others are hybrids. Your mother was a pureblood. She was also the most beautiful fairy I have ever laid eyes on, and I’ve been around for more than three centuries. It was no surprise that your father fell in love with her. We were only surprised that she chose him, out of all of the possible options for a mate. No offense, Your Majesty.”
“None taken. Wow, that is a lot of information to process Bob. I only have one question, and it’s a fairly serious one.” Bob stopped pacing and I found his big brown eyes staring up at me. “Will I turn into a pumpkin at midnight?”
Bob’s tiny, bearded face turned redder than his pointed hat and he started pacing again. Finn chuckled, but hid his mouth with his hand. I laughed until my cheeks hurt and then I noticed Bob’s face was still glowing and I was scared he was going to have a stroke or something. I didn’t want to be responsible for a gnome’s death.
“Sorry Bob, I had to. I’m just trying to ease the tension. You’re very uptight you know.”
“I’m fearful for my future Your Majesty. For all of our futures.” His seriousness sobered up my humorous mood. I felt myself softening up towards the little dude in my living room. I looked over at Finn, who looked just as somber. Maybe this was all real. Maybe there really was a magical world that was waiting for me to be a kick-ass superhero and save the day. And seriously, who doesn’t want to be a superhero?
“You really are afraid aren’t you Bob?”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
“And you think I can help?”
“You are the only one who can.”
“Huh.” I rubbed my eyes. I was really tired and my brain was fuzzy. I sighed, taking a moment to process everything before I spoke again. “I don’t know why I am even believing any of this. I keep expecting to wake up from this whacked out dream, but until that happens I suppose I’ll play along.”
I sighed again, this time for dramatic effect. “Okay Mr. Bob, I will help you, but I have some conditions. One, you are to refer to me as Melanie or Mel.” I paused for a moment as I thought about the name Tianna. It was actually quite pretty and more unique than Melanie. “Scratch that, I’ve changed my mind. You may call me Tianna or Melanie, although I can’t promise I’ll answer to any name you call me. Do not call me Your Majesty. That royal highness crap gets really annoying. Two, you are to inform me of any information that you think I might need regarding to my so-called powers and all that stuff. I don’t like surprises. Three, you let me have as normal of a life as I can have. That means no POOF-ing into the room while I’m at work or hanging out with friends or shopping. I need personal space. Four, I am allowed to come up with as many more rules as I want, as soon as I think of any. Do we have a deal?”
“Your Majesty—”
“Ah, ah, ah!” I shook my finger at him.
“Er, Miss Tianna,” Bob continued. “I think you might want to reconsider rule number three. I may need to appear to you at inconvenient times for your own protection. I beg you to reconsider.”
“No way Jose. I work on my terms or I don’t work at all.” He started pacing again, this time taking off his red pointy hat and fidgeting with it before placing it back onto his white hair.
“Very well, Miss Tianna. I think you are making an error but if these are your terms then I have no choice but to accept, for the fate of our world rests in your hands.”
“Geez, no pressure.”
“He’s right you know.” Finn had a compact mirror out and was attempting to fix his already-perfect hair (wait, vampires have reflections?).
“Well, look who woke up and joined the party!” I said. “Thought you might have an opinion or two tucked away in your man-purse.”
He snapped the mirror shut and gave me an “oh please” look.
“You need protection Tianna, as you found out today. The more you come into your powers, the more they can be sensed by creatures in our world. Hence, more visits from them. If you think it would be bad to have Bob show up at the mall, think about having a troll or a unicorn show up uninvited.”
“Well I’m not too keen on the troll, but I’ve wanted to have my very own unicorn since I was just a little girl.”
“Har de har. Look, Tianna, I can understand not wanting a gnome following you around, but how about a pretty vamp? I can blend into your world easily and still look out for you.”
I weighed all the pros and cons in my head. He was quite good looking and convenient to have around, and I would never have to worry about him falling in love with me. Also, he seemed to know a hell of a lot more than I did about the magical freaky stuff, so my chances of survival were significantly higher with him around. But on the flip side, if everyone saw us together all the time, how would I ever get a real date? Oh, who was I kidding? I was at the top of the most-wanted list.
“Okay pretty boy, you’ve got yourself a job. Are you happy now Bobby?” His grin answered that question. “Speaking of jobs, I’ve got to get my ass over to the restaurant.” I checked the digital clock on my oven. Yep, I was going to be late. “Let me just tie my hair back and then we can go.”
I made my way to the bathroom and grabbed an elastic band off the counter.
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!”
Finn and Bob were by my side instantly.
“What’s the matter Tianna?” Finn was looking everywhere, searching for whatever danger had caused my shriek.
“My. Hair. Is. Blonde. Again. When did this happen? HOW did this happen? Why does this keep happening to me?” I wasn’t sure if I was going to cry or punch something.
“Yeah, it turned blonde again while you were inhaling the sushi. You looked so happy while you were eating, we didn’t want to spoil your rare good mood by telling you the bad news.”
“You guys suck. Why am I blonde again Bob? Why doesn’t it stay brown?”
Bob looked perplexed, which didn’t give me a ton of comfort.
“If I had to guess, I would say it’s because of the fairy blood in you. All fairies are natural blondes. It is interesting that you were born a brunette and are changing into the physical characteristics of your fairy ancestry. I wonder if that means your fairy blood is stronger than the vampire blood in you. I will have to ponder that some more.”
“Okay Bobby, you do that, and while you’re pondering my hair color you can also pick me up some more sushi for tonight. I’d ask you to get another box of hair dye for me but I have this funny feeling it would be a waste of time and money.”
Bob’s silence confirmed my funny feeling.
“Great. I’m a blonde for life now.” I looked at myself in the mirror again and made a face. Then sighed. Then tied my hair back into a ponytail. “Come on pretty boy, let’s go make some cash.”
Chapter Four
Finn and I jumped into my black Jeep and drove down to the restaurant. I had the soft top down and the wind felt refreshing against my warm skin. The restaurant wasn’t far away from my apartment, but I enjoyed cruising down the streets of Bar Harbor and scoping out the tourists. There were always lots of hot guys having drinks on the patios downtown. I usually managed to score a few whistles and today was no different, which was pretty encouraging given that I had a guy in my passenger seat.
We went in the back door of the restaurant, which was the employee entrance, and I immediately got bombarded with comments about my hair. Even though my blood was boiling on the inside from my hair problem, I knew that I had to act like it was all well planned. The key to pulling off any new trend is confidence, my mother always taught me. Well, my human mother.
“Oh yes, blonde hair is SO in right now. Anyone who’s anyone knows that. Besides, blondes really do have more fun!” I made sure to swish my hips a little more than usual when I walked just to emphasize my point.
I introduced Finn as my visiting cousin and the staff took to him right away. The girls thought he was super cute and the guys didn’t feel threatened by him so everyone seemed to get along just fine. I was starting to think this arrangement might work out very nicely.
In the first hour of my shift I felt relaxed and ended up earning more tips as a blonde (go figure!). In the last hour of my shift, however, I started to feel irritable. Very irritable. My headache was back and my temper was starting to flare up. The simplest requests by customers would get me riled up to the point where I almost couldn’t hold in my anger anymore. My boss approached me after he overheard me telling off the mayor’s son.
“Melanie! What are you doing?” He asked as he hauled me into the back with a very firm grip on my elbow.
“He wanted another helping of butter for his lobster, but I’ve already brought him an extra butter. How much butter does the fucker need?”
“That is the mayor’s son, and one of our best customers. I don’t care if he wants a bucket of butter for his lobster, it is your job to get it for him. I don’t pay you to mouth off at my customers. Consider this your one and only warning.”
It took every ounce of strength in me to not cause bodily harm to my boss. I wanted to punch him, scratch him, poke him in the eyes. At the very least I wanted to scream and yell at him. I was literally biting my tongue as I turned around and started to walk back into the restaurant, but I felt his hand grip my elbow again. I let out what I can only describe as a growl. I had never made a sound like that before.
“Actually Melanie, I think you should go home. You’ve done too much damage and I don’t want you anywhere near the mayor’s family for the rest of the day. Stacey can take over your tables for the rest of your shift. Get some sleep and come back on your next shift with a better attitude.”
“Get your hand off of me.” My teeth were gritted and I was breathing heavily as I glared at him.
“Ok Mel, let’s go home now.” Finn had me by my shoulders and was looking into my eyes. “I think it would be best if we left work quietly and went home.”
I felt a little lightheaded and buzzed like I’d had a few drinks, but I thought Finn was right. I nodded and started walking quietly out to the Jeep.
Finn took the keys from me and drove me home. As we got closer to my apartment, my headache started to return, with a vengeance! It was another headache that hurt in the jaw. My temper was starting to return as well.
We got to the door and as soon as we walked in Finn yelled out, “Bob! We need sushi!”
POOF! There was Bob and sushi. I ran over to it and started to eat without saying a word. Finn and Bob were silent, and once I was finished eating the entire plate, I noticed my headache was gone and I was feeling much better. I groaned as I thought about what had happened at work.
“Ok, what the fuck? I never lose my cool that badly.”
“Actually, I think I know what the problem is.” Finn smirked and leaned against the kitchen counter. “It’s your vampire needs. You need blood and when you don’t get it, you get really bitchy. I mean really, really bitchy.”
“Watch it vamp boy.”
He smiled at me and continued.
“That’s why you’ve been craving sushi so much lately. Raw fish. You have probably been feeling some pain in your mouth too. Your fangs want to come out and play.”
“My fangs?” I panicked and ran my tongue along my top teeth. Phew, no fangs. Yet.
“So what am I supposed to do with this little problem. Keep a Tupperware container with sushi in it for when I’m feeling crabby?”
“When aren’t you feeling crabby?”
“What was that?”
“Nothing princess. Look, how about if I go grab some blood for you to try. You can see if it helps curb the craving for a day. Usually we vamps only have to feed once a day.”
“Um, ew. You’re gonna go grab some bum off the street and bring him back here so I can suck his blood through two holes in his neck? I don’t think so.”
Finn rolled his eyes. “Maybe if we lived in the sixteen hundreds. You know, you’re going to have to get with the times and let go of all of your stereotypical ideas if you’re going to be joining us.”
With that, he left the room so quickly he was a blur in my vision.
“You could at least close the front door!” I called out, but he was long gone. Loser. I got up and closed the door and was making my way back to the living room to have a chat with Bob when the door flew open again and Finn was in front of me, blocking my path.
“Fuck, dude!”
He ignored my comment and handed me a bag of red liquid. And a straw.
“Just think of it like a bag of fruit juice.” He poked the straw through the bag and held it out to me. I wiggled my nose a bit, I could smell the coppery scent of the blood through the tiny hole. My brain was telling me that the blood was disgusting. My mouth was aching again and I ran my tongue along my teeth, but there was still no sign of pointy teeth. I took the bag from Finn.
“Gross, it’s warm!”
“I nuked it before I brought it to you” Finn winked.
I grimaced and took a deep breath as I leaned in towards the straw. I closed my eyes so I couldn’t see the red. The straw went in my mouth, then the “fruit juice”. I gulped it down. Waited. Then shuddered and stuck out my tongue. “That’s disgusting. If you tell me I have to drink that shit every day for the rest of my life, I’m going to jump off a bridge.”
Bob was standing beside Finn and they both look confused. Finn scratched his head and looked down at the gnome.
“I don’t get it Bob. Why doesn’t she like it?”
“I’m not sure. She clearly needs blood since she’s licking raw meat and craving raw fish, but,” he froze, then stuck up his index finger, “Ah ha! Wait here.” POOF! Bob disappeared.
“That’s so annoying.” I mumbled under my breath. Which still tasted like warm, thick, coppery shit by the way.
POOF! Bob was back and he was holding another bag of blood.
“Oh no. I’m not drinking any more. I’ll stick with sushi.”
“This is not the same blood Your Maj—Tianna. I believe the fairy blood from your mother has influenced your blood preference. Fairies are close to the animal species in the forest. They communicate with them. You have been craving blood from cows and fish, not human blood. So, I think what your body really wants is animal blood. Try it.” He poked the straw through the bag and held it out to me.
I could smell the blood again, but this time it had a sweeter scent. Almost like smoked meat on a barbecue. It was intoxicating. I grabbed the bag from Bob’s hand and breathed the scent in deeply. Then I heard “pop, pop” and my mouth felt fuller. I ran my tongue over my teeth and found two new points. My eyes widened in panic as I opened my mouth to show Bob and Finn.
Finn started to laugh. Bob had a look of startled confusion, which I was beginning to get used to.
“Mirror. Now.”
Finn dug through his man-purse and found his compact mirror. He was still busting a gut when he handed it to me. Bastard. I opened the mirror and checked out my fangs.
They weren’t overly noticeable, just pointy little additions to my teeth.
Finn was still chuckling as he squinted and peered at my teeth. “Where are the rest of them? They’re so tiny!”
“Hey! Don’t insult my fangs!” I snapped defensively. But I was curious. “How long are yours?”
He gave me a big grin and sniffed the bag of human blood he was still holding. I heard two little popping sounds and then—
“Holy shit, you look like a panther!” His fangs were so long they reached the gums of his bottom teeth. And pointy! I looked back at my little stubs and pouted. “How come mine don’t look like that? I don’t even look scary.”
We both looked at Bob for an explanation. He shrugged his shoulders.
“You’re not a full vampire, so you don’t need to have the full fang length. Technically, with the resources vampires have now, there is no real need for any vampire to have fangs anymore.”
“But his look so cool! How come I feel like I’m getting the shaft here?” I pouted again. Then I remembered the bag of sweet barbecue goodness I held in my hands. I stuck the straw in my mouth and drank the whole bag in one breath.
“Ahhhhhhhh. That was yummy!” Wait, blood was yummy? My brain once again reminded me that I was disgusting.
“So she doesn’t like human blood but loves animal blood? I’m glad I’m not part-fairy.” The annoying vampire beside me proceeded to drink the entire contents of his blood bag (double disgusting!).
“Hey dumbass, at least I don’t have to raid the local blood bank for supper, I can just go to the supermarket and get some bloody steaks.”
“So much for that theory that she’d get less bitchy with a helping of blood in her.”
I watched them laugh at my expense for a few seconds and then marched off towards my bedroom.
“Where are you going Tianna?” Finn called out.
“I’m going to bed. You guys are pissing me off.” I flicked my peroxide blonde hair over my shoulder and wiped a drop of blood off my chin. “Also, I need my beauty sleep.”
Oh boy, did I ever.
Chapter Five
The next morning I woke up to the sounds of pots and pans banging around in the kitchen. My alarm clock told me it was way too early to be getting up, but I decided to to see what kind of magical creature was making a new mess for me to clean up. At least I hoped it was a magical creature and not some homeless guy who broke into my apartment. Maybe it was a troll. I felt my anxiety levels increasing.
I stepped into my pink fuzzy bunny slippers and scurried into the kitchen.
“What the hell?”
It wasn’t a troll, just my vampire bodyguard.
“Morning Ti, just getting some breakfast ready for you. Most important meal of the day you know!”
I eyeballed the counter and saw omelettes, toast, hashbrowns, bacon, ham and sausage.
“How much food do you think I eat?” I watched as he started piling some meat onto a plate for me and I waved off the toast and hashbrowns. “No carbs, please.”
He rolled his eyes and poured me a glass of tomato juice.
“You’re looking dapper today Finn.” He was dressed in freshly ironed black pants, shiny dress shoes, black and white pinstriped shirt and silver Armani belt. His hair, of course, was perfect.
“Thanks! No one gets ahead in life by looking like a slob in sweat pants.” He gave me a once over. “Are those rabbits on your feet?”
“Shut it vampy.” I stuck a piece of bacon in my mouth and took a sip of my tomato juice. Which tasted like A1 Steak Sauce. Wait a minute. “Hey, this isn’t tomato juice!”
“Bravo! It’s freshly squeezed…,”
“Ack! I don’t wanna know!” I covered my ears so I couldn’t hear what animal my glass was filled with. It was all fine and good to drink a glass of liquid that tasted like barbecue but I so did not need to know the details.
“So what’s on the go for today other than waking me up at an ungodly hour? You do know it’s my day off right? You owe me like five hours of sleep.”
“Well I thought I’d make sure you were well fed and in a cheerful—well, tolerable mood—and then take you out for some retail therapy.”
“Shopping? Why didn’t you say so!” I gulped down some more bacon and chugged the rest of my barbecue juice and scurried off to my bedroom to get ready.
I brushed my hair, put on a cute green baby doll dress and flip flops and went back to the kitchen. The spotless kitchen. Seriously, not a remnant or dirty dish from the huge breakfast could be found anywhere. I calculated in my head. It couldn’t have possibly taken me longer than three minutes. Maybe five, max.
Finn was sitting on the couch reading a GQ magazine. He must’ve sensed my puzzlement cause he didn’t even glance up at me.
“Vampire speed. It’s great for household chores.” He stood up, slung his man-bag across his chest and gave me a big mischievous grin he held the front door open for me. I rolled my eyes and flung my hair at him in response.
The shops in Bar Harbor were more like boutiques. Downtown was picturesque, if a bit overpriced, but pleasant to walk through on a sunny summer day. I especially enjoyed the admiration from guys who were yet again having drinks on the nearby patios. One guy whistled loudly and I smiled at him.
“You never get tired of that do you?” Finn asked.
“Nothing wrong with being attractive. Might as well flaunt it while I got it. I’ll probably need botox and lipo once I hit thirty.” Or would I? A idea occurred to me. “Hey, are fairies and vampires immortal?”
Finn glanced my way and had his mouth open to answer my question when I felt someone grab my arm. I tensed and turned around quickly, my heart racing.
“Hey sweet thing, why don’t you come to my party tonight?” It was the guy who whistled at me from the patio.
I shrugged out of his grip and flipped my hair.
“Well I already have plans, but I might be able to pop in for a few minutes. As long as it’s not going to be lame, I don’t want to waste my time.”
“It won’t be lame babe, trust me.” He handed me a piece of napkin with his digits on it and “Josh” scribbled under it. “It’s by Hull’s Cove. See you tonight.” He turned around to walk back to his friends who were giving him thumbs up and big smiles. I had to admit he had a nice ass.
“You’re not actually going to go to that party are you?” Finn asked as we continued down the street.
“Why not? Nothing else going on.”
“But you told him you already had plans.”
“Are you really that naive vamp boy? I don’t know how things work in your world but in this one you gotta play the games. Never let a guy know you have nothing going on in your life besides him. He gets cocky, takes you for granted, gets bored and drops you like that.” I snapped my fingers. “In fact, I might not show up, just to prove to him that he was last on my priority list.”
“But you don’t even know him, do you?”
“No, but that’s exactly the point. Nothing worse than a desperate girl who swoons and drools all over a guy who gives her a bit of attention. Geesh, no wonder you’re single.” Or at least I assumed he was. Anyone who volunteered to babysit a new vampire/fairy/human twenty-four seven must not have much of a social life at all.
Finn was pretty quiet and a little moody for the rest of the afternoon. He only bought one shirt while I treated myself to a new Louis Vuitton wallet and three light pink shades of lip gloss to match the new blonde hair.
We went back to my place and he made us supper, which consisted of almost-raw steaks and more of the “tomato juice”, and then I decided to shower and get ready for the party. Finn looked like he needed a pick-me-up, so I told him we would go to the party and I would make sure we had a good time. I even suggested that maybe he’d meet someone he liked there. That seemed to cheer him up a bit.
The party was rockin’! We could hear the tunes blasting out as we made our way towards the cove and when we arrived, people were handing us drinks before we could get our seatbelts off. I could tell Finn accepted a drink only so he could fit in, but I immediately downed my beer (hey, it was “lite”), and got ready to start partying it up! It didn’t take me long to find the guy from the patio. He came over to me right away and handed me another beer.
“Glad you were able to squeeze me into your action-packed schedule.”
“Who said I came here for you?”
“Ouch. Score one for blondie. Maybe I’ll just take that beer back then.” He grinned and stepped towards me. He was really hot, in a bad boy kind of way. He had a large scar over his left eyebrow, high cheekbones, and (okay I admit it) very kissable lips. His dark eyes were mysterious, and matched his dark, slightly messy hair. He wore only jeans and a white sleeveless shirt that showed off both his biceps and his tattoos. I couldn’t make out what the ink was in the light from the bonfire, but they looked like tribal symbols of some kind. He had one piercing that I could see and it was beneath his bottom lip.
He didn’t look like one you’d take home to mom, but he he sure looked like he knew how to give a girl a good time. He was older, mid-twenties maybe, but with age comes experience. I smiled as I thought of all the potential scenarios where experience would come in handy.
“What are you thinking about that caused that smile to shine through your dark mask?”
“None of your business,” He stepped closer. “And I don’t have a dark mask.”
He touched my temple with his finger, sliding it down my cheek and bouncing it off my bottom lip. It gave me goosebumps. It gave me…an aching back? No, it wasn’t aching, it was itchy. God, what a horrible time to get an itch. I stepped backwards so I was against the tree that was behind me and swayed back and forth, rubbing the itch.
“If you wanted to dance, all you had to do was ask.” He came towards me again and pressed up against me so that his body was swaying with mine. It felt good, but the itching wouldn’t stop. The more I wanted to have Mr. Hot-Guy grind his hips against mine, the more my back itched and ached until I finally couldn’t take it any more.
“I gotta go.” I pushed him away and ran over to where Finn was sitting on a piece of driftwood. He had been watching me, and walked towards me to see what was wrong.
“What’s up buttercup? He wasn’t your style?”
“Not funny Finn. My back…” I kept trying to scratch it but I couldn’t reach the right spot. “Can you see if there’s some creepy bug or something there? Do I have hives? God, I can’t take the itching!” He gave me a concerned look and then lifted my hair and took a peek under my collar.
“Oh!” He dropped my hair and took off his expensive, designer hoodie.
“Oh? That’s all you have to say? Oh?!” He wrapped the hoodie around my shoulders.
“I think we should go home now.”
“What the hell? No way, we just got here.” I took another swig of my beer for good measure. “What is wrong with my back?”
“Come on Tianna, let’s go.”
“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what is wrong with my back. And call me Melanie, someone might hear you.” I looked around just to make sure no one did hear him.
“If you’re afraid someone might overhear that, then trust me when I say you won’t want anyone to overhear what I have to say about your back.”
Shit. That couldn’t be good.
“Ok, let’s cut. You drive.” I tossed him the keys and hopped into the jeep, my beer buzz completely gone. As we peeled out, I glanced back at Mr. Hot Guy and realized I didn’t even get to tell him my name. He was staring right at me. Then he blew me a kiss and laughed.
My back was itching out of control again. I kept rubbing it against the seat of the Jeep but found no relief.
“Would you stop that?” Finn exclaimed as he looked over at me. I glared at him and was about to say something back at him but was overcome with nauseousness. The paranoia was back too. Someone or something was near us.
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