Sometimes Love Isn’t Enough
By India Jade Smith
Copyright 2012 India Jade Smith
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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination, or used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales, is entirely coincidental.
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Sometimes Love Isn’t Enough
Chapter 1
Kimberly
As soon as I heard the front door close, I quickly rushed to put my husband’s food on the table. He had told me this morning that he’d wanted fried chicken, green beans, and mashed potatoes so I made him exactly that. When he reached the kitchen, he wrapped an arm around my waist and kissed me. I accepted his kiss willingly; at this point I was ecstatic for any form of affection from him.
“Hey, baby,” Dwayne said after our lips parted.
“Hi,” I said with a small yet warm smile. “I have your plate right here.” I added making a nervous gesture at his plate on the wooden table.
“Mmm, thank you,” He said, taking a seat. I handed him a fork, but he sat it down to dig right into his chicken. I watched him sample everything. I wanted to be sure that he liked it. After he tasted everything on his plate, he looked up at me and smiled. “This is good, girl, you did your thing on this right here.”
“Thank you,” I smiled. “Do you want something to drink?”
“Some Pepsi, if you don’t mind.” He said, returning to his food.
“Okay, baby.” I went to the fridge and took out the two-liter bottle of Pepsi and poured him a glass with some ice. I went back to the table and placed the glass in front of him. “Here you go, baby.”
“Thanks,” Dwayne said, but he didn’t look up from his plate.
After I was satisfied that he had everything he needed I went back to the living room to finish up the cleaning I was doing. I began wiping the dust from the television with a dry rag and some Pledge spray.
He’s in a good mood today, which is fantastic for me. I wasn’t in the mood for another random fight. His work must have gone well. He has been under so much stress lately. Every day he would come home and barely look at me unless he wanted me to do something for him. He’s been popping attitudes and yelling at me for every little thing and for absolutely nothing. Now he’s kissing me and being all polite. I hope this lasts. I can’t stand another argument. The other night he snapped on me because I came into the living room while he was watching TV and asked him what was bothering him. That night he had actually raised his hand at me. He didn’t hit me, but he raised his hand. When he realized what he almost did, he simply walked away and we haven’t mentioned it since them. He actually had hit me many times before, when we had first gotten married. I remember how he used to say that it would never happen again and I believed him. Even though it always had happened again. And again and again and again. It used to be that he would slap me across the face just because he felt like it. The way things are now is how it had first gotten started.
He was always angry. Then he was always yelling. Then he was hitting me. I forced myself to stop thinking about it as I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes. That was the past and he was never going to that again. He promised me he wouldn’t and he had kept his promise. I sighed to myself. I just wanted him to be as loving and as attentive as he used to be.
I was now vacuuming the floor when Dwayne came up and hugged me from behind. He kissed me on the neck, and then inhaled my perfume.
“You smell so good,” He said as he kissed my neck some more. I tingled a little. I really missed him; I really missed this.
“Dwayne,” I said, trying to get my cleaning done. I didn’t want to deny him what I knew he wanted, but if I didn’t finish cleaning now, I’m not gonna do it at all.
“Hmm,” He murmured again my skin. He squeezed me tighter against him so that my behind pressed against his growing erection. I squirmed a little. Since we’d been fighting, we haven’t been getting “active” so this actually did have an effect on me.
“Baby, I’m working,” I told him as firmly as my body would allow. I was trembling a bit; his kisses felt so good.
“Wouldn’t you rather work with me?” Dwayne asked gently. I know he was smiling at his little line, but I wasn’t hearing that.
“Baby, come on,” I started but I couldn’t even get the words out before he spun me around and kissed me so sweetly I sighed when he pulled away.
I knew I was gonna give in so I might as well just let it happen now. I wrapped my arms around his neck and accepted more of his kisses. He took my hand and started to lead me to the bedroom. I dropped the rag and the Pledge spray on the floor where I stood as he eagerly led me upstairs.
He pulled me onto the bed with him and then got on top of me. He was so big compared to my tiny body. I was barely 5’2” and he was a giant 6’3”. He was over a foot taller than me and at least a hundred pounds heavier. He pushed my skirt up and pulled my panties down. He loosened his belt and pushed his pants down just enough to pull out his dick. He sat up on his knees and began to slowly stroke himself. I knew exactly what he wanted.
I positioned myself between his legs and made him lie back. I licked his tip and he shifted a little. Then I wrapped my mouth around the head of his member and slowly took in his length. He groaned a little as I took all of him inside my mouth. As much as I didn't want to admit it, he wasn't that big so I wasn't really deep throating anything. It was easy to take him in without gagging. I bobbed my head up and down on him slowly at first and then faster. I stroked his base with my hand. It didn't take long for him to cum. I meant to move, but he came into my mouth before I had the chance to. I spit what was in my mouth onto the floor and looked up at his satisfied face. He wiped himself off with the Kleenex on the nightstand and then laid me down on the bed.
"Why don't you do me?" I suggested. He never did. I'll do it for him, but he won't ever do it for me.
"Come on, baby, you know I don't like doing that." He said as he positioned his tip at the opening of my womanhood. "That's what this is for." Then he pushed inside of me. I grabbed his shoulders as he started thrusting into me. I began to moan and to "beg him not to stop". I always fake it with him or should I say for him. I wouldn't want to bruise his ego so I allow him to believe he was wearing me out. He could never tell the difference because this is exactly what he wants me to do. It makes him sick when I’m not moaning and screaming like an adult film star.
I didn’t always fake it with him, but lately I had been. I lifted my hips, trying to draw him as deep into me as his five-inch dick would allow. I wanted to grab as much pleasure from this as I could. I never really enjoyed sex with him, but I did it anyway. I did it because my mother taught me to keep my man pleased. I still missed this intimacy; being close to him. I pictured fantasies in my mind, imagining myself trapped in a dark room that just happened to have a king-sized bed in it with some sexy stranger who wanted me to enjoy these last moments just in case we didn't make it out. My moans grew louder as the fantasy went on. I always fantasize. Morris Chestnut was usually the star of my fantasies.
Dwayne began to pound really fast inside of me as if he wanted to push out of the back of me. I squeezed his shoulders trying to keep myself from screaming out in pain rather than fake pleasure. I found myself begging him to come in my mind. Finally he began to slow down and I felt him stiffen on top of me as he came. I looked over at the digital alarm clock on the nightstand as he collapsed on the bed beside me. His record time: about four and a half minutes.
“That was so good, baby.” He said, out of breath. “I know you loved it. You were louder than usual.”
“Mmm-hmm,” I murmured. He usually did this after we finished and I was sure to stroke his ego. “You were amazing.” I added.
I had trained myself to keep my voice steady, but truthfully I was feeling sore. I lay practically still on the bed as I allowed my body to relax. It felt like he literally tried to break me in half.
Moments later, Dwayne got up out of the bed and kissed my forehead before he went into the bathroom. He looked so cocky as if he were amazing. I love him, but he ain't all that. I was surprised to hear the door lock. I had to look up and listen. I heard him take off his belt and then I heard a lot of things begging moved around. I kept hearing things fall on the floor. He was looked for something and he obviously couldn't find it.
"Uh, Kim," Dwayne called to me from the bathroom.
"Yes," I called back, not moving from my spot on the bed.
"Did you move my shaving kit?" He asked me. I had in fact moved his shaving kit because he had it under the sink with the cleaning products so it made it looked cluttered under there. What I wanted to know was why he needed a shaving kit at six o' clock at night.
"Yeah, it's in the cabinet with all your other stuff." I told him, still listening. I heard him open the cabinet and then moments later, close it. "Why do you need to shave at night? Are you going somewhere?"
"Naw," He said. "I just need to look fresh for my woman."
"Hmm," I said, but that still sounded suspicious. Something isn't right with this. He never worried about how he looked any other time, yet he does now. I got out of bed and went to the door. I gently pressed my ear to it as I pulled my skirt down properly. I heard the sound of skin smack or something. Maybe he hit himself on the arm? Then I heard a groan. He couldn't possibly be masturbating, not right after sex. That really hurt my feelings. I guess I'm not the only one faking it.
"Babe," I said, knocking on the door. "I need to use the bathroom."
"Alright," Dwayne said after some time and he sniffled a bit. Seconds later I heard the cabinet reclose and the door unlock. Dwayne stepped out of the bathroom without facing me. He made a ridiculously huge effort not to show me his face. He deliberately kept his head down as he made his way out of the bathroom and then out of the room.
The moment the bedroom door closed, I went straight into the bathroom and retrieved his shaving kit. I opened it and riffled through it. It was nothing but razors, shaving cream, combs, an electric razor, and those little Band-Aid things. Maybe he really did shave, of course I wouldn't know because he wouldn't show me his face.
I guess I'll just leave it alone for now. I still have somewhere to be. I slipped out of my clothes to get ready for a shower. Wearing only my bra, I began collecting my bath things. After I had everything I needed, I took off my bra and stepped into the shower.
In about an hour, I was bathed and dressed in a pink blouse, black jeans, and pink calf-high boots. I didn't want to look too dressy, but I wanted to wear pink so I could wear my new boots. They were warm for the snow and also cute. I grabbed my purse and headed downstairs. I glanced around for Dwayne to find him watching television.
"Dwayne," I called to him from the living room doorway. He glanced up at me, looking slightly drowsy, but then he looked away.
"Yeah," He said, he still wasn't meeting my eyes.
"I'm taking your car." I told him. I wasn't being smart, but my car is currently unavailable so he knows we have to share his car for a few days.
"What's wrong with your car?" He asked, sounding almost angry.
"You already know my car is in the shop. Why are you saying this now?" Now I was angry. I didn't want to play games.
"Oh, sorry." Dwayne apologized. He rubbed his nose and sniffled. He looked like he was getting a cold. Now I was thinking about how I was just kissing him; I bet not get sick too. “You know, matter of fact, why don’t you stay home?” He continued and I rolled my eyes at him.
“Because you know my girls and I only get together once a week and sometimes it’s barely that. You knew for over a week now that I was going out tonight so what’s the problem?”
“The problem is that you are running out here to hang with your little friends rather than staying home in the house with your husband where you belong.” He said and I sighed deeply. Here we go with this again.
“Dwayne, I’m here all day. All I do is cook and clean and run errands and take care of you. I want to go out and get some time in with my girls rather sitting in the house doing nothing.”
“Since when did spending time with me become nothing?”
“Dwayne, don’t start. You already knew I was leaving. Why are you trying to control what I do?”
“I’m not controlling you, but I’m your husband. I want you here with me. Shit, can’t I get some fucking alone time with my wife?”
“I never said you couldn’t, but I need alone time with my girls just as much as I need alone time with you. You already convinced me not to go last week and now you don’t want me to go this week.” Actually he had forced me not to go. He begged and he pleaded and he yelled until he got what he wanted.
“See, that’s what makes me think that you aren’t with your little girlfriends all the damn time. It seems to me like you out with some nigga.”
“Dwayne, don’t start. You know I would never do that to you so why do you always accuse me of it. You are the only man I love no matter what so why do you continue to say I cheat on you. I never even leave this house and when I do, you call me every half hour to make sure I am where I say I am. Dwayne, get a grip.” I told him.
He did this all the time. When the mood struck him, he became jealous and possessive. He would accuse me of seeing someone else and say that I’m with other men and whatnot whenever I leave the house. He hates the fact that I go out with my friends and he hates the fact that I’m so close to my mother and sister. Christmas was coming up and it was a terrible struggle just to get him to agree to let my sister stay with us. I don’t understand it, one minute he’s fine and loving and then the next minute he’s argumentative and angry with me.
“”Yeah, whatever,” He said.
"Why can't I use your car all of a sudden?" I asked him in
a smart tone. Why is he acting so weird?
"I'm tired of you
using my car. We both have cars for a reason. It's not my fault you
fucked your shit up in an accident. Learn how to fucking drive and
you won't be in this situation."
I pursed my lips out showing my anger in my face and my posture as I crossed my arms over my chest. "You know what, Dwayne? Keep your car; I'll catch the bus or something. I ain't got time for your crap. You can take your car and shove it." I told him and yanked my purse up on my shoulder and turned on my heel. I don't know why he was acting like such an idiot, but he needs to stop it now.
I was at the door when Dwayne ran up and grabbed my arm to stop me. "What now?" I demanded, not wanting to hear the half-butt apology I knew was coming. He placed his hands on my hips as if to hold me in place. I could walk away if I wanted to, but being the soft-heart that I was, I stayed to at least listen to him.
"I'm sorry." He said, pulling me close to him and wrapping his arms around my waist. He kissed me just below the ear.
"You should be," I told him. I crossed my arms, but I didn't step out of his embrace.
"Baby, can I apologize or would you rather do it for me?" Dwayne asked with a grin, but I didn't find anything funny.
"I bet I can do it better." I told him.
"Come on, I'm sorry. I'm just stressed, okay? Of course you can take my car.” He said, kissing my cheek.
“I don’t want it if you don’t really want to give it to me. And I don’t appreciate you talking to me like that. Keep your stupid car.” I told him. I know I was being childish, but I’m letting him know how it feels when your partner has an attitude.
“Kimberly, please. Nothing would make me happier than for you to drive my car to go hang out with your girlfriends.
“Shut up,” I said, leaning back into his chest. “Where’s your keys?”
He reached into his pocket and retrieved his keys. He took his Jetta key off his key chain and pressed it into my hand. “Drive safe,” He smiled. I didn’t find that funny either.
“Thanks,” I said monotonously. I kissed his cheek before I walked out though. I only did it because I didn’t want to appear to be petty. Though I noticed he still had the same hair on his face that he’d had when we were in the bedroom. Now that makes me want to know what he was doing in the bathroom with the shaving kit.
Moments later I was sitting behind the wheel of my husband’s Jetta. I looked up into the rearview mirror to check my make-up and of course I had those black mascara marks on my eye shadow. I hated that so I had to wipe all of my eye shadow off. In the process, I messed my eyeliner up. I reached into my purse and pulled out my make-up things. After putting his key up on the dashboard, I reapplied my make-up. Once I finished, like an idiot, I knocked the key onto the floor when I reached for it.
After putting my things back in my purse, I reached down for the key. As I fished around for the key, my hand instead brushed against plastic. I grabbed the plastic object to find that it was a plastic sandwich baggie. I shook the bag and watched the stuff inside shift. It was some sort of powder and I didn’t even what to verbalize what I thought it was. I hope to God that I’m wrong.
I stuffed the bag into my purse and debated whether I should go confront Dwayne or not. I reached back down and finally found the key. I played with it in my fingers as I waited. I didn’t want to confront him to find out that it was sugar or something, but of course I knew what sugar looked like and it ain’t this. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I knew exactly what this was. I mean it would explain why he was acting the way he was. But then again I would know if he were using drugs. But would I really know something like that. I sighed. He could always be selling then. No, Dwayne owns his own company and can afford what he wants; he wouldn’t need to be selling drugs. But then again, why would he want to throw his life away by using them if he has so much money and my love anyway. Though, he does come home all hours of the night. I just don’t know. I sighed and decided to leave the situation alone for now. I feel as though this in particular would be best if I wait a while and decide how I want to confront this rather than running in blind not even knowing all the facts.
I found myself running a couple of stop signs on my way to the J Spot. It was this little theme club. It was really cute. My two best friends, Charisse and Regina, and I always met up here weekly to talk and hang out. This week was themed as jazz so there was going to be live music. You can sit, drink, and watch or get up and dance. It was nice.
When I walked into the J Spot, I was angry. I must have had way too much time to myself on the way here or something because I was really mad. Dwayne must be out of his dang mind.
I spotted Charisse and Regina at our usual table in the right center of the club. It was close enough to the stage that we could see, close enough to the bar so we could drink, and close enough to the dance floor if we wanted to dance. I walked over to them and hugged them both before I sat down.
“What took you so long?” Charisse asked me as she sipped her Long Island Ice Tea. “It’s usually this one who isn’t on time.” She chucked her thumb at Regina and smiled.
“Whatever,” She said. “My man drove me today so best believe I’m right on time.”
“Hoe,” Charisse and I said in unison and we both pointed at each other and laughed. Regina was the only unmarried person in our little group so we had to pick on her just a little bit. Though, Regina was unmarried by choice. She “can’t see herself waking up to only one man everyday”. Those are exact words. She wasn’t nasty, but she had a new man every month so we call it as we see it.
She gave us both the finger and them focused on me. “What’s wrong with you?” She asked me as she studied my face.
“Nothing, girl, I’m good.” I really didn’t want to air my business even though I knew my girls wouldn’t spread it.
“Uh-uh, I can tell you got something on your mind.” Charisse chimed in.
“You might as well tell us. We gon find out anyway.” Regina pressed. This is how we are. We don’t kept secrets from each other so we had to gang up on each other whenever someone tried. I like this concept better when it’s Regina we’re ganging up on and not me. We never gang up on Charisse because she was the oldest of our group and it just seemed like we never get a reason to.
“Alright,” I told them. “Y’all can stop staring at me now.” I took a small breath and cleared my throat. “I just found something…disturbing.”
“Like hair in strange places disturbing or gay porn in Dwayne’s dresser disturbing?” Regina asked. She was so blatant it was amazing.
“Neither,” I told them with a confusing look for Regina. As way of an explanation, I reached into my purse, pulled the baggie out, and threw it to the center of the table. “That kind of disturbing.”
Charisse quickly snatched the bag up and examined it. As soon as she realized what it was she threw it back to the table.
“Damn, girl, put that shit away before someone sees it.” Charisse exclaimed, drawing more attention to the table than if someone was looking at the bag.
Regina gingerly picked up the bag by its comer and placed it gently in my hand. “I don’t want my fingerprints on it when they take you in for questioning.” She explained with a small laugh.
“Are you using that?” Charisse asked me with wide eyes. “I mean, girl, I know things are rough, but there are better solutions. We’re here for you if you ever need anything. If you need a place to stay, because Dwayne drove you to this…you can stay with Regina. I love you no matter what and I’ll help you.”
“No, I’m not using cocaine.” I said after she finished her speech. “I said I found it just thirty seconds ago or did you forget that quick?”
“Well you better put it back where you got it from. Dealers do not cope well with people who steal from them and they don’t care if you are a man, woman, or child. People get killed over that.” Regina perked up. She had once dated a drug dealer from Hazelwood. He was a pretty nice guy, except one day he put a gun to her head, accusing her of stealing money from him. That turned out to be the deal breaker. All the illegal stuff he did didn’t ring any bells in her head.
“I found it in Dwayne’s car.” I told them. They both looked at me with a pitying yet confused expression. “I was looking for something I dropped and found it hidden under the seat.” I explained as I put the bag away in my purse. As I did this I noticed a man looking at me. I wondered if he seen the bag, but he wasn’t looking at me as if he were a cop of something but instead like he was about to come swerve on me or something. I ignored it. If he wasn’t a cop, I ain’t got that to do.
“So what now?” Regina asked me.
“I don’t know.” I said I all truthfulness.
“Confront his ass!” Charisse exclaimed. “He’s either using it or selling it, so either way it’ll turn out bad for you. You need to handle this now before something goes down.”
“No, don’t,” Regina said in a gentle voice as if she were truly experienced in this matter. “If he’s involved with drugs he may get violent. If he’s selling it and he’s used to the fast money, he’ll dispose of you if he has to so he can do what he wants to do. Though if he using it and he’s addicted, well am addict will do whatever they have to so they can support their habit. He’s either gonna play stupid if you confront him or he’s gonna confront you for taking it. These situations don’t usually go well. You need to handle this delicately and carefully. The last thing you wanna do is run up in this blind and end up hurt more than you would think.”
They both had completely different views on the matter, but something tells me to go with Regina’s choice only because it makes a lot more sense than randomly confronting Dwayne on something that may or may not be his.
“I guess I’ll just do nothing for now.” I sighed. “Can we get back to our night please? I know I just killed the mood up in here, but, dang, I came here to have fun not sit around depressed looking.” I gave a weak laugh as insurance that I was fine and they didn’t have to worry about me even though I knew they would. “I’m gonna get something to drink.” I stood up from our table to make my way to the bar. Now I wished I could get something stronger but I drove here so that was out of the question I would hate to get into another accident but this time in Dwayne’s car.
“Can I get a bottle of vitamin water please?” I asked Chuck, the bartender. Chuck was a pretty much quiet guy. He was a white boy, but he was really cute. He always treated me and my girls nicely and hooked us up with free drinks every now and then on his tab. He had big muscles which he showed off by wearing sleeveless shirts. He had tattoos all down both his arms; all of them were skulls on fire, crosses, angels, or bible scriptures. There were tattoos on his chest too and I could see the top of them peeking from under his V-neck shirt. He was a religious man, but at the same time he was nothing to play with. I once witnessed him beat the mess out of a guy for talking bad to a woman at the bar and then not apologizing when he told him to. When I asked him why he did it, he just said he doesn’t like dudes that treat women badly. All in all, I like Chuck.
“What flavor, babe?” chuck asked me as he went to the big store quality refrigerator thing.
“It doesn’t matter.” I said and he slid me a red one. I put seven dollars on the counter for him. It was more than enough for the water and a nice tip for my boy.
As I walked back to the table, the man from before met my eyes and smiled at me. He had a really nice smile; I could even say it was sexy. He was light-skinned with a close cut and sexy hazel eyes. He was really fine and he sure was looking at me like he wanted to flirt. If he wasn’t sitting with another female who was obviously was his date, I would go talk to him. And of course if I wasn’t married, I would go talk to him.
I went back and sat down at the table where Charisse and Regina already moved on with the conversation.
“She was too crazy. She came over to me and started flirting with me even though I was sitting with another man so obviously she knew I was straight.” Regina was saying as I sat down. Leave it to Regina to not only have men falling over her, but women too.
“What did you say? Matter of fact what did your date say?” Charisse asked her.
“Well, I politely told her I was strict for dick while Mike just kept his cool to see what I would do. The girl had balls. I mean if I were a lesbian, I wouldn’t just walk up on a straight woman and see if I could pull her.”
“That’s funny, I miss being single.” Charisse sighed. “Damn, that’s funny as life.”
“Naw, but if she was a fine man who walked up on me like that while I was on a date, I’m sorry I would have left Mike for him. I mean the girl was bad and she had all the qualities I would want in a man, except she was lacking a penis and excelling too much in boobs.” Regina laughed and I shook my head.
I really wasn’t involved with the conversation because I was too busy focused on the guy who kept looking at me. I swear he looked familiar, but I could easily been thinking of the fluttery feeling I was getting in my stomach from this. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten this much attention from a man who wasn’t focused on my butt or my breast.
When I finally mustered up enough willpower to pry my eyes away from his and enjoy my time with my friends, the guy got bold and walked over to our table.
“How you ladies doing?” He asked as he stood between Regina’s and Charisse’s chairs. He may have been referring to all of us, but he was focused on me when he asked.
I put my left hand up to show him my obnoxiously big ring. Dwayne just had to prove that he could give me anything when he proposed. “I’m married,” I told him immediately. I may think he’s fine, but I love my husband way more.
“That’s okay, I just wanna be friends.” He said with a grin that was equally as sexy as his first smile.
The three of us ladies laughed at that; he was bold. “My husband doesn’t like those kinds of friends.” I continued, trying to recover my composure. I didn’t want him to think I wasn’t serious about what I was saying.
He boldly sat down in the empty chair between Regina and Charisse. He asked me with a challenge in his eyes, “What kind of friends is that?”
Charisse and Regina, who were both being quieter than they’ve ever been in their whole lives, looked at me to see how I would respond. “Friends with benefits,” I said, blushing. He was so fine; I wouldn’t mind being his friend for just one night.
“What benefits do these types of friends get?’ he pushed. I could tell he was enjoying making me blush.
“Why are you asking me these questions?” I asked him, finally giving up on the conversation. “You do know I am not gon talk to you right?”
“I would just love to hear you explain the concept of friends with benefits.” He continued as if this were a normal conversation.
“Why me, I mean it’s just so-“
“They’re friends who enjoy each other’s company by fucking with no actual relationship other than physical.” Regina interrupted me. “Now, my friend here is married, but I’m not so if you wanna be my friend, give me your number and we can set something up.”
“Regina!” I exclaimed. I never knew she could be so bold. I was embarrassed now and I’m just so glad that I’m a dark girl so you can barely tell when I’m blushing. Well, at least now I don’t have to say it.
Regina and Charisse laughed and gave each other the feminine version of dapping up where they clasp their fingers together. This entire conversation is making me uncomfortable and it just seems like everyone is enjoying seeing me embarrassed. Especially since I notice his date is casting evil glares on our entire table.
“Alright,” He said and smiled. He had perfect white teeth. I love that freaking smile; why is it so dang sexy. “You don’t remember me, huh?”
I gave him a hard look before recognition hit me. “You started that youth center on fifth.” I looked at Charisse. “Doesn’t Bobby go there?”
“Yeah, he does. I knew you looked familiar but I never knew you’d be the night club type beings that you are an example to children all over our city.” Charisse said, and I could tell that she was reevaluating her decision of sending Bobby to that program.
“Actually, I’m here on a meeting.” He said and I gave him a skeptical look. That woman doesn’t look like a business partner.
“Is she married?” I asked him, when a thought occurred to me.
“Yeah,” he said simply.
“Is that why you’re over here? Do you like messing with married women?” I asked him and Regina looked at me.
“Actually she’s the mother of one of the children at my program.”
“Oh, well anyway…” I said, not even caring that I was wrong about him, maybe.
“Well anyway, we went to college together. You were the woman who beat me out of an internship and then turned it down.”
I had to think back for a minute. Even though college was only three years ago, it still took me a moment. “Yeah, and you were the asinine jerk who always felt the need to make everyone understand your point where we wanted to or not. You annoyed me every class and you acted like you were better than everyone. You couldn’t just grin and bear it like a normal person.”
He gave a small laugh and I shook my head. “So, I was an ass back then.”
“You were the biggest I’ve ever met.”
“Alright, what’s your point?”
“What’s your?” We were both silent as we glared at each other. It was like being in a college classroom all over again. “So you came over here to remind me of how much you got on my nerves in college?”
“Actually, when I recognized you I felt the need to buy you a drink to show you that I’m not an ass.”
I smiled. “That’s debatable.” I remember I used to say that every class, because in a sense, everything was in fact debatable. He used to hate that.
“Everything is debatable with you isn’t it?”
“Of course,” Our eyes met and stayed there. It was as if we were challenging each other. He eyes were such a gorgeous hazel. They were almost green. That is a benefit of being one of those high yellow brothers. He was darker than yellow, but not that far off. I held his gaze because I didn’t want him to win the little game we were playing. It wasn’t a staring contest, but we were seeing who could last longer. I lost. I had to drop my eyes because I could almost feel heat on my body from his gaze. I took a sip off my water as a cover.
“So, can I buy you a drink or what?” He asked me with a smile.
“I don’t need another yet, but you can get another round for my girls.” I said, disregarding the fact that he had won that little stare down match. “Well, if your date doesn’t mind. She looks a little pissed off.”
“My what- oh damn. Give me a sec.” Then he quickly rushed over to his own table and started talking to the woman.
“Would either of you offer to buy a drink for someone who blew your chances to go on a free trip to Egypt, probably getting a job in the process, but then never goes.” I asked Regina and Charisse. “He obviously didn’t come over here to apologize for our immatureness from years ago.”
“Please, he was looking for a little more than forgiveness. He probably wanted to get an internship to work on those panties.” Regina said laughing.
“Why is everything about sex with you?” I asked her, rolling my eyes.
“It’s my favorite subject.” She said, still smiling.
I rejected the urge of calling her a hoe or something and looked at Charisse. “Do you care to comment?”
Charisse shook her head. “I have nothing to say. You just better be careful about what you’re started here. Dwayne wouldn’t like this.”
“Be careful about what, Charisse?” I sighed. Here she goes with the mothering stuff again.
“I see that look you got. You’re obviously attracted to this man. I’m just saying don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” She looked at Regina and smiled. “And don’t do anything Regina would do.”
“Forget you, Charisse.” Regina said. She also looked at me. “But she is right. Don’t do anything I would do. You ain’t on my level. You could get hurt.”
I rolled my eyes. Am I really looking like I want this man? I still don’t even remember his name. Just as I was going to say something in my defense, my phone vibrated in my purse.
I pulled my phone out and looked at the screen. It was a text from Dwayne. I read it and of course he asked me where I was. It was barely an hour and he already thought I wasn’t doing something else.
“I’m still at the club” I sent him and then looked back up at Charisse and Regina. They both saw that I was texting so they both waited until I was finished.
“That was Dwayne.” I told them. “He wants to know where I am.”
“Didn’t you tell him you were gonna be with us tonight?” Regina asked me.
“Yeah, but you know how he is. He always wants to make sure he knows where I am in case something happened.” I explained to them. They both rolled their eyes. They knew that I was making an excuse for his possessive behavior. He wasn’t worried about whether something happened, but instead this was one of his many ways of controlling my every move.
“When r u comin home?” He texted me and I rolled my eyes at the phone.
“When I’m done here”
“And how long is that gonna take?”
“I don’t know”
“That makes me think u aren’t where u say u are”
“Dwayne you know I’m here at the club like I said I was gonna be. Whats ur problem?”
“Ur my problem”
“Fine Dwayne I’ll take 2 u when I get home”
He didn’t text me back after that so I knew he had a problem and I was gonna have to hear about it as soon as I got home. I sighed to myself. I didn’t want to go home and argue. Not tonight. I wanted a peaceful quiet night after I finish up with my girls.
“What’s wrong?” Charisse asked and I decided to give her the chopped and screwed version.
“Dwayne’s a little upset that I’m taking so long here.” I said, trying to dismiss the subject and leave it at that.
“It’s barely been an hour,” Charisse said. “What did he expect? For you to come, say and few words, and then leave?”
“I don’t know. He just misses me, that’s all.” I said and I received another twin eye roll from them.
“No, here’s trying to control you. You don’t ever think that maybe he doesn’t want you to have a life outside of him?” Regina said.
“That’s not true.” I defended my husband. “He loves me and he misses me. I can’t get upset with him just because he wants me to spend time with him.”
“But he should know that you want to spend with other people too, like your friends and your family.” Charisse added. I hated when they double teamed me like this.
“He does,” I said, once again I wanted to dismiss the subject. “Can we please get back to our night?” I asked, actually I practically begged. I hated when they talked about Dwayne like this. They just didn’t understand. Dwayne loves me and I love him too. There’s nothing wrong with a man missing his wife.
I was about to add something about Dwayne genuine love for me, but the man returned to our table with three drinks even though I said I didn’t need another one. He placed the appropriate drinks in front of us. I decided to push the situation out of my head and enjoy my night, before I had to deal with more problems or criticism.
“You don’t follow directions well; I said I didn’t want another one.” I told him with a slight smile to show him I wasn’t really serious.
“Maybe you need to teach me what you want me to do so I can do it how you like it.” He locked his eyes on mine when he said this, showing the sexual undertones of his statement.
“Okay,” Regina said and laughed slightly. “This is my cue…” She looked at me and then Charisse and shook her head.
“Regina, control yourself.” Charisse told her and shook her head. “You’re nasty.”
“He said it, not me.” Regina sipped her cosmopolitan as if to calm herself.
Ignoring Regina, I looked back at the man. “So, tell me what you really came over here for.”
“Well, I recognized you and I remembered how we always used to butt heads so I figured maybe now we can be mature enough to have a real conversation. I figured we could talk sometime, you know. Maybe I can call you or you can call me.” He said, spitting real game.
“I did tell you I’m married, right?” I said, starting on my second vitamin water.
“I didn’t say I wanted to date you or even just fuck you for one night. I want to talk. Explore your views on certain topics, you know?”
“Why do you keep saying ‘you know’? I don’t know anything about you.”
“Well, if we talk you can get to know me.” He said as he reached into the breast pocket inside his jacket. “Here’s my number. Call me anytime.”
“I don’t even know your name.”
“Trent, my name is Trent Marx. Now, I’m the one apologizing here, but I think you were just as rude to me back then as I was to you so I think you owe me at least one phone call.”
“I don’t owe you anything.” I said as he dropped the folded piece of paper with his number on it on the table in front of me. He is way too bold for me.
“Call me. All I wanna do is talk.” Trent said, giving me that sexy smile of his.
“I’m not gonna call you.” I told him pushing the number back to him.
“Then how about you stay here with me and we can talk.” He said, picking up the number and playing with it in his fingers.
“Actually we’re about to take off so…” I said, not wanting to be rude and say I’m not interested, but still getting my point across. “Besides my husband” I stressed the word to him. “Is waiting for me. I probably won’t call you either so you can keep that.” The whole time we talked, we kept our eyes locked on each other. It was like a game of chicken. The first one to break the eye contact is weaker.
“But there’s a chance that you probably will.” I said, gathering my purse to show him that I’m really about to leave.
“No, I’m sure I won’t.” I told him.
He took my hand gently and placed the paper on my palm. He kept his eyes locked on mine as he did this and then closed my hand. “Take it anyway.” Then he just walked back to the woman.
For some reason I watched him as he and the woman walked out of the club. As much as I hated to admit it, he was so freaking fine.
“You know eye-fucking can also be considered cheating.” Charisse said to me after I snapped out of the trance of watching him walk away.
“What?” I said, finally registering her insinuations after a few seconds.
“You two just watched each other like you just had sex with your eyes.”
“Oh please, stop exaggerating. I’ll admit, he looks good, but I am a married woman.”
“Please, married women cheat all the time. Hell you need to since Dwayne ain’t doing it right.” Regina said, cutting in.
“You know sex isn’t everything. But hell he needs to take a class or some notes or something.” I said with a laugh to lighten the mood.
“So you fake it? He doesn’t even play the tongue game?” Regina asked me as if my pleasure in bed were a national issue.
“The tongue game? You two just talk about sex like it’s baking cookies. I can’t just talk so openly like that.” I said, shaking my head.
“We are grown as women. Grown ass women talk about sex.” Charisse said laughing.
Regina laughed with her and said,” So he doesn’t go down on you at all?”
“No, he doesn’t and it’s annoying. I do it for him, but he won’t do it for me. Dang, y’all are so nebby.” I sighed. I am not comfortable with this.
“Well, you are better than I am. I needs the tongue game.” Regina laughed. “Michael makes me back into the headboard, rip up the sheets, and the beg him to wait for me while at the same time, begging him to stop.”
“Now, Robert, he is…” She gave a small moan. “I’ve never had to fake it with him.”
“Never?” Regina and I asked in unison.
“Damn, well Rob’s pipe game must be on.” Regina said and then shook her head of the thought. She probably didn’t like the mental image she got of her big brother and her best friend. “Even I had to fake it a few time with Michael.”
“Robert knows what he does to me. I get multiple orgasms when we make love.” She looked wistful and then her little smile faded. “Only now it hasn’t been so hot.”
“What’s wrong, hon?” I asked her. If she and Rob were having problems then the rest of us were doomed to loneliness.
“Well, we haven’t had sex in a few days, well actually a few weeks. And we argue so much. I mean anything can set us off. And I think he has a problem with Brian always coming to see Brianna even though he is her father. And he’s always working. I own a salon and I still don’t work that much. I know as a black woman I shouldn’t get upset that my man is working, but sometimes I feel like…like he’s…” Her sentence trailed off and she took a deep sip off her drink. I knew what she was thinking because sometimes I get similar thoughts about my own husband.
“Like he’s out doing something other than working?” I asked her.
She nodded. For once, Charisse looked vulnerable like she needed her girls help rather than us always coming to her. It was our time to comfort our big sister for once. “I don’t think he’d cheat on me but… I don’t know; it just seems that way sometimes. Other times I just think that he’s so tired of me that he might leave me. Times other than that I feel like I might leave him.” She huffed and finished her drink. “I just miss how we used to be.”
“Well, you still love him don’t you or you wouldn’t be caring so much?” Regina said and I wasn’t quite sure whether it was a statement or a question.
“Of course I love him. He’s everything to me.” Charisse said and she started on her second drink. I had a feeling that one wasn’t going to last very long.
“Well, you better remind him why he married you. Send the kids away and meet him at the door naked. Better yet, wear nothing but a thong and your best stiletto heels. Just put it on him, girl.” Regina said.
“Yeah, get him, girl.” I said, laughing while trying to lighten the situation. “Show him why you want him home more often.”
“I thought of that, but I could never get the time. One more than one occasion I had arranged for the kids to be at a friend’s house for the night and the Robert never showed up. Then when he did come home I was either sleep or too pissed off that he didn’t come home when I told him to. Just like now, I’ve been texting him for a half hour and he still didn’t text me back. He’s supposed to pick me up.” Charisse said as she showed us her cell phone that was in her lap while she was texting.
“Damn, he’s supposed to be my ride too.” Regina shook her head and pulled out her own cell phone. She started playing with it on the table, probably wondering whether she should call her brother or not or just let his wife get in touch with him.
“I’m gonna go call him.” Charisse said sounding aggravated. She drowned the last of her Long Island Iced Tea and then left the club, leaving me with Regina and the questions I knew she had.
So,” Regina said, not wasting any time as she leaned into me and nudged me with her shoulder. “What’s with Trent?”
“Nothing, you were here. I’m not even gonna call him.” I said replaying the while confrontation in my mind. Even though I said this, I still wondered to myself why I put the number in my purse anyway. Just in case heck freezes over or he becomes the last man on earth I guess.
“Please, Kim. I was here, remember? You eye-fucked him and had an orgasm.”
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. An orgasm? She was too much. “It’s not that real.”
“You want him and he wants you. You won’t admit it, but it’s true. You better not spend too much time alone with him or you’ll end up a cheating slut.” Regina smiled as if that would be a good thing.
“Regina, you are a slut, not me. I won’t be spending any time alone with him.” I said with a little grin. I don’t want Trent. He’s a butt hole. He was then and by the way he was openly flirting with me, he is now.
“We’ll see.” She said and paused. “You know, I’m not a slut. I just like sex. I-”
“Sluts like sex.” I interrupted her with a smirk and she cut her eyes at me.
“Anyway, I love sex. I have friends with benefits who agree that sex can be fun and we don’t need a relationship to enjoy that. My job is all about sex. I get paid to read, edit, and write about sex. Hey, sex is my life.” She laughed. “I know sexual attraction when I see it.”
“I understand that your life revolves around porn, but I am not a porn star. Trent and I aren’t characters in one of your scripts. He wants to talk, probably about psychology and sociology, and that’s all we’ll do.”
“I thought you weren’t going to call him.” Regina challenged me with a smug look on her face that made her look real ugly to me right now.
“Well, I probably won’t. I don’t know.”
“I know,” Regina smile. She thinks she’s so smart. I love Regina, but she is such a know-it-all. She may have her master’s degree in sociology or psychology or ones of those therapist studies, but she is not a mind reader no matter how much she thinks she is. She’s not right. She’s not right. I repeated this to myself a few times, just to make sure I believed it too.
“I don’t have to convince you of anything.” I said finally. “You won’t listen anyway.
“Because I’m already convinced that you want him.”
“Well, get unconvinced.” I said, rolling my eyes at her with dramatic annoyance.
Regina just smiled. I’m not like her; I can’t just cheat on my husband no matter how fine a man is. I can’t have just a platonic relationship based solely on sex. It just isn’t me. I like married sex. Planned, safe, acceptable in God’s eyes, married sex.
There were a few moments of an annoying silence where our conversation hung in the air, floating around us, waiting to be resumed, but, thank God, Charisse slammed herself down in the chair, obviously pissed off. She slammed her touch screen phone face down on the table. She’s gonna be madder later if she broke the screen.
“He’s not answering.” Charisse explained. “I’m so tired of this shit.” She stressed the word as if she were tired of simply saying it.
“Hold on, let me try.” Regina said and picked up her cell phone. She typed in the speed dial and waited. He answered and Charisse looked as if she wanted to strangle her husband through Regina’s cell phone.
“Hey bro,” Regina said, in a slightly irritated tone. There was a pause. “Are you picking us up? …me and your wife…. Come on Rob, how’d you forget? ….it’s midnight, why are you working? ....I’m gonna kill both you and Drew tomorrow….” She sighed deeply. “I guess we’ll just have to catch the bus home or call a jitney. I hope there’s one running this late at night.” She was trying to guilt him, but it seemed to no avail. “Whatever, fine, okay, bye.” Regina hung up the phone, looking almost as pissed as Charisse. “He’s working and he doesn’t know when he’ll finish up so she can’t pick us up.”
“You alright?” I asked Charisse. She looked like she’d dazed out of her own body and was trapped somewhere deep inside her mind.
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