Sick Duck
Sembe Mengo
Copyright 2012 Sembe Mengo
Smashwords Edition
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Table of Contents
"I still don't know what to bring to the wedding."
"Alcohol. You can never go wrong with alcohol."
And he did. But the guests did not know how much wine was available, so they nursed their drinks as they usually did. They assumed that, like every wedding, there was just enough to loosen them up and get them to their happy places. The wine did its job, and it was a good party.
His mother, knowing that there was plenty of wine, did not slow down, and was the first to get drunk. And she noticed that the guests weren't drinking.
"Why are you being so boring? There's tons of wine, let's party!"
And they did. They couldn't believe they were drinking so much at a wedding. They normally waited to get wasted at the after-party. They drank themselves out of their happy places into their excited phases, and yet there was still more wine. It was the best party ever.
Of course, all the drunken people could talk about was how they couldn't finish the alcohol. And how could he afford so much? Who heard of a party where there was more wine than water? It was as if all the water turned into wine.
By morning nobody even knew there was a wedding. All they wanted was for the party to go on forever. Who could blame them? And he answered their prayers and brought more wine. They followed him everywhere and drank themselves out of their excited phases into ecstatic realms. It was a never-ending party that lasted years.
They told drunken stories about "this guy who is so awesome he must be the messiah." And they sought to outdo each other's stories.
"I saw him feed like 3,000 people with 2 fish."
"No, it was 3 loaves of bread."
"Yeah? I saw him make a blind man see."
"That's nothing. I saw him walk on water."
"He made a guy walk on water."
"He made the ocean stop."
"What happened to him? I blacked out and he was gone."
"They murdered him for partying too hard."
"They nailed his hands so he couldn't drink."
"And they stabbed him to drain the wine."
"But he woke up and said, 'You can't kill me.'"
"Then he drank some more and flew into the sky."
As you watch the news, when the news-reader (they don't have news-anchors anymore. Just people who read well) comes across a piece with a video he considers fascinating, he'll say "Take a look at this..." That gets you to his level of excitement as you stare at a video of a cat that keeps dozing off as it licks its balls.
I'm quite sure you're wondering how a cat can fall asleep when his balls are still itching. It's not because the smell from his own ass knocks him out. It's because cats are stupid.
I would bet my left nut that you're also wondering why a cat would let such an embarrassing video be circulated. That's simple too. It's because cats are attention-whores.
Do the news-readers have to say 'Take a look at this?' Are they forgetting that if you're watching the news, you're already taking a look? Why do they need to remind you to watch and listen? Another easy one. To become a news-reader (I stress, not a news-anchor), these people need a background of more than 2 eyes and 2 ears. They call this background an eye for news. And because they see and hear more than the rest of us, they feel the need to say, and do indeed find themselves saying, "Look and listen to this…" Plus they are starved for attention and can't stand the thought that you could be having an interesting conversation or you could just be dozing off during the broadcast.
Read this: I feel sorry for the cat because he'll never fall asleep, nor will he ever relieve the itch. I feel sorry for the news-reader because he'll never get enough attention from my 2 ears and 2 eyes. Poor attention whores.
It started when I had to quit taking pills, so I took up smoking cigarettes. And then weed to get me off the nicotine. That was getting me nowhere so I turned to alcohol which landed me in rehab where I got addicted to the 12-step program and their teaching of a higher-being who made me feel inferior for having an addictive personality. So I got addicted to telling the priest how much I kept screwing up my life and then he told me to give something up for lent. I asked if I could give up my faith. He stopped whipping me with the rosary when I started bleeding.
I gave up red meat for lent, but two days in I felt like I was on a slippery slope to vegetarianism, so I quit all plants instead. Before lent was up, I had a religious awakening. I realized that my problem with drugs could be traced to dependency issues. I depended too much on plants which gave me tobacco, weed, alcohol, even the pills. To truly quit, I had to stay away from the path that led to temptation, so I quit eating veggies forever.
When you go on an all-meat diet, you begin to have clear thoughts. You gain a perspective that makes you realize that animals feed on plants and this affects your sobriety. So I gave up meats too and all I take is water. Yes, now I'm addicted to fasting.
The only time I feel alive is when I eat nothing. Sometimes I feel guilty about my dangerous behavior and eat some food. After a few days, I start to suffer from fasting withdrawals and have to run out of restaurants, run away from people who look like they might be about to offer me food, so I can get nutrients out of my system. Sometimes I secretly fast by forcing myself to vomit after a meal but I don't get the same rush. It only feels like I took some mouthwash trying to replicate the effect of alcohol. Or took an aspirin because I was out of Vicodin.