This Song Reminds Me of You
Misty Reigenborn
Copyright 2012
By Misty Reigenborn
Smashwords Edition
A Better Man
He looked at her as she stood in the doorway of their bedroom. She wouldn’t look at him because she knew that he was going to try to talk her into staying.
As she turned to leave he touched her back. “Del, please. We need to talk about this.”
Delphina didn’t turn. “Kiefer we’ve had this discussion before.”
He sighed. “So I guess this time you’re really leaving huh?”
Delphina wanted to groan. It seemed pretty obvious that she was leaving. Her bags were packed and she was ready to transfer everything to her car. “I think that’s kind of a dumb question Kie.”
“Give me five minutes babe. Please. Is three years not worth five more minutes of your life?”
She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I have an apartment and a job waiting for me. I start work the day after tomorrow. I have to go.”
“How long have you been planning this?”
“What difference does it make? I can’t do this anymore.”
“I love you Delphina. I can be a better man for you. I promise.”
“I think that promise is a little too late. I’m going to go now.”
“Baby please. You’re breaking my heart here.”
“I have to go.”
“Can I call you?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Goodbye Kiefer.”
Delphina pulled out the handle on her rolling suitcase and slung her duffel bag over her shoulder. She took two steps out of the door. She heard the flick of his lighter as he lit a cigarette.
“Del, wait. At least let me help you take your stuff out. You’ll let me do that much won’t you?”
Delphina sighed. “I can do it Kiefer. I think that we need to make a clean break this time. It’s for the best.”
“Del I’m so sorry.”
Delphina said nothing. She rolled her suitcase out the door and walked down the hall and through the living room. He got to the door ahead of her and opened it for her. She finally looked up at him. His brown eyes looked wet. She stifled an urge to bite her lip and instead rolled her suitcase out the door. She had never seen Kiefer cry, not even when his grandmother had died, and they had been close. But she couldn’t let it get to her now she thought, or she would let him talk her into staying like he had all of the other times she had decided to leave him.
He followed her to her car. She popped the trunk and shoved her suitcase and bag inside. The slam of the trunk seemed very loud to her. It sounded almost final. She was suddenly terrified. She had never lived by herself before. When she’d left home she’d went straight to college and lived in the dorms. Then she’d lived with her sister for a while. Then she’d met Kiefer. They’d moved in together two weeks after they met.
He put his arms around her from behind. She tried to ignore the fact that her head was at the perfect level for him to rest his chin on. She tried to ignore the way he smelled and the feel of his arms around her. She tried to ignore the fact that he was the first man that she had really loved. She made herself think about the lying and cheating instead, and the nights that he hadn’t bothered to come home at all.
She pulled away from him and looked up at him with ice in her blue eyes. “Stop it. I am leaving and there is nothing you can say or do to make me change my mind.”
‘I’ll get down on my knees and beg you in the dirty parking lot of our crappy apartment building. I’ll pay all of the bills for a whole year and you can do whatever you want with your money. We’ll get married. You can have a baby and stay home and take care of it. I’ll get a better job, hell I’ll get two better jobs if I have to. I will do anything Del, I swear. Just please don’t do this to me. I feel like somebody stabbed a knife through my heart.”
Delphina looked up at Kiefer. He was six two with dark hair and dark eyes. He had muscles and tattoos. Her sister called him the personification of a bad boy. He smoked too much and sometimes he drank way too much. He’d cheated on her for the first time two days after they’d moved in together. He’d get drunk and come out of nowhere and tell her some story about a woman that he’d been with since they’d been together. Sometimes, she thought she hated him much more than she loved him.
“I’m breaking your heart? Do you know how many damned times you’ve broken mine? There is no comparison Kiefer. You’ve made me feel worthless for way too long.”
“Baby I never meant to make you feel like that. You’re smart and you’re so beautiful. I know that you deserve a better man, but I promise you that I can be that man. I can’t make all of the bad stuff that I did in the past go away, but I can give you a better tomorrow. Please Del. Just give me one last chance.”
Delphina pushed the button to unlock her car. “No. I’ve given you more chances than you deserved already. Goodbye Kiefer. Have a nice life.”
She got behind the wheel of her car. Before she could shut the door, he stuck his foot in the way. She gave him her dirtiest look. “Move your foot. Now. This is not up for discussion.”
Kiefer sighed, but he did move his foot. She slammed the door and started the car. She put her seatbelt on and chanced one last glance at him. He made the motion for her to roll the window down. She sighed as she pushed the button.
“What?”
“I just want you to know that I love you. I’ll always love you. You were the only really good woman I ever had and I fucked it up like I always fuck everything up.”
“You don’t mess everything up Kiefer. You’ll do fine.” She gave him a tired smile that she didn’t feel. “You’re hot. You’ll find another woman in no time.”
Kiefer shook his head. “I don’t want another woman.”
Delphina figured that he’d have a woman in his bed by the end of the night and probably have another moved in by the end of the week.
“Goodbye Kiefer.”
She put the car into gear.
“Wait. Just one last thing.”
She sighed. “What Kiefer? Make it quick please.”
“Don’t you love me anymore?”
“It’s not that Kiefer. I just can’t put myself through the heartache of being with you. It’s tearing me up inside. Now I really have to go. I’m already late getting on the road.”
Kiefer let out a huge sigh. “You don’t have to go. I’ll go.”
“No. I already have everything worked out. Goodbye.” Before he could say another word, she put the car back into gear and pulled out of the parking lot.
The drive was not fun. Her destination was six hours away. Kiefer wouldn’t stop calling her. Or at least she assumed it was Kiefer. Her phone rang so many times that she’d turned it off and shoved it into the glove box.
When she pulled up to her new apartment building, she let out a groan. She figured that it would be a dump with the price but the place looked like it would blow over in a strong wind. She got out of her car and stretched. Her back hurt, and she briefly let herself think of how good it had felt when Kiefer had given her a massage. He had always been able to work all of the kinks completely out of her muscles. She sighed. She knew that she needed to stop thinking about him. Where thoughts of him had once brought her immense joy, they now brought her nothing but pain.
She opened the door marked “manager”. An elderly woman was sitting behind the desk. She looked up, and stuck the pencil she had been doing what looked like a crossword puzzle with into her frizzy white bun.
“How can I help you?”
“I’m Delphina Brooks. We spoke on the phone. You still have the apartment available don’t you?”
The woman nodded and her glasses slid down her nose. “Yes ma’am. Sure do. Rent’s $450, $225 deposit. We cover $50 towards the electricity. You go over that it’s added on to your next month’s rent. No drugs, no loud parties, no prostitution, no dogs. You have a cat the deposit is $300 and it had better know how to use a litter box.”
Delphina wanted to groan. She had a feeling that her new apartment might be even worse than she’d thought it would be by looking at the outside.
“My shift starts at six o’clock in the morning. I certainly won’t be having any wild parties when I have to work the next morning. And I don’t know anyone here.”
The woman pulled a key off of a hook. “Pretty girl like you is never short of male attention for long. You’re more than welcome to have visitors. They stay more than a few days, they’re considered to live here and the rent goes up by $50 a month.”
Delphina shook her head. “That won’t be a problem.”
The woman gave her a look and then came around the desk. “Yep. My daughter, she’s even prettier than you are. Some people might not think so, but I’m her Mama so I gotta think so. When you got a pretty face and more than half a brain between your ears, you gotta make damned sure you’ve got a heart of steel. Men will use you and abuse you and then leave you by the side of the road. You just hope that you don’t have a baby growin’ inside of you then. ‘Cause a man that will treat you like shit and walk away like it was nothin’, well, it ain’t gonna be no skin off of his back not to pay you child support now is it?”
“Um, I guess not.” Delphina got the feeling that the woman’s daughter had children that didn’t see their fathers and she didn’t receive child support for.
“Second floor, all the way to the right.”
“Okay.”
Delphina opened the door. The manager shut it and then locked it. The woman walked in a stuttering gait that felt painfully slow to Del. She felt like she could have run around the parking lot five times by the time they made it up the stairs.
The woman unlocked the door and pushed it open. She flipped a light switch. Delphina took one step inside and wanted to walk right back out. She hadn’t grown up in luxurious surroundings, and the apartment she’d lived in with Kiefer certainly hadn’t been high class, but this apartment looked to her like it should have been on the cover of bad housekeeping.
The living room carpet was a rusty brown color. There were stains that looked like bleach. She wondered what had stained the carpet that someone had wanted to bleach out. The walls were painted an off white color and it didn’t look like much care had been taken when the job was done. The air smelled like someone had smoked two packs of cigarettes a day for three years straight and had never bothered to open a window. She walked into the kitchen and saw a fridge that looked like it belonged in the 1980’s. The microwave on the counter looked like it belonged in roughly the same decade as the fridge. The kitchen table was small, with a beat up chair with cracked upholstery. When she walked into the bathroom, she saw that the shower curtain was paper thin and the tub was filthy. The toilet seat was sitting crookedly.
The manager cleared her throat. “I know it’s not the greatest but it’s a roof and the rent is manageable even if you make minimum wage. You put your furniture and some personal touches in here, it won’t be so bad.”
Delphina hid a sigh. “I actually don’t have any furniture.” She turned back towards the bedroom.
The carpet in there was a yellow color that reminded her of the color her nephew’s poo had been when he was a newborn. There was a dresser, but the drawers were mismatched and it looked like it was on its last legs.
“There’s a thrift store up the road a bit. They’re gonna be closed now though.”
“Oh. I’ll take it I guess.”
The manager laughed. “Don’t sound so enthused girl. Whatever is goin’ on if your life right now, just remember that it’s not that bad. You woke up this morning didn’t you?”
“I did.”
They left the apartment and walked back down the stairs. Once they were back in the office, Delphina handed the woman her driver’s license. While she made a copy on a copy machine that it looked like it belonged in an even more bygone decade than the furniture in her apartment, Delphina filled out a simple one page application form.
Once her license was back in hand, she dug her wallet out of her purse and counted out the money to move into the apartment. She felt a little like screaming when the woman had to count it three times. Finally, when she was satisfied that it was the right amount, the manager handed her a single sheet of paper that listed the property rules and the key to the apartment.
“Thank you.”
“You have any problems with your apartment, let me know. The maintenance guy is slow but he does a good job. Grocery’s stores up four blocks on the left. Discount store up another two blocks from there.”
“Thank you.”
“Yep. Take care Delphina. That’s a real pretty name.”
“Thanks. I’ll let you know if I have any problems.”
Delphina left the office and went to her car. She lugged her bags up the stairs and took another look around. There was a part of her that wanted to run back to Kiefer already. But she knew that she needed to stand on her own two feet and that she couldn’t let him break her heart again.
She opened the window as far as it would go, which wasn’t far. She sat down on the chair and made a list for the store. Air freshener and scented candles were high on her list. It had driven her crazy when Kiefer had smoked inside.
Her trip to the store took forever, and it was full dark by the time she got back to the apartment. She had picked up an air mattress. She hoped that it would only have to serve her for one night because she had a feeling it wasn’t going to be very comfortable.
Once she had lit a scented oil candle and set up her bed, she felt a little better. She made herself a light dinner and then plugged in her laptop and booted it up, signing onto her mobile broadband internet connection. She discovered that her email was flooded with messages from Kiefer. She sent everything from him straight to the trash and then was left with some spam and a message from her sister. She opened the letter and found that Kiefer had called and begged Leanna to talk her into giving him another chance.
Delphina sighed. Lee had never liked Kiefer. She had told her little sister that he was bad news the second she had laid eyes on him. But the rest of the letter sounded too much like an “I told you so”, so she sent it to the trash too.
She slept fitfully that night. It wasn’t that she hadn’t had nights apart from Kiefer in the past three years. She couldn’t count the nights he hadn’t come home, when he’d been out drinking with friends all night or had been with another woman. She just felt out of sorts and it was about more than her break up. She wondered if she was getting sick.
The next morning, she went to the thrift store. She was lucky enough to find a bed and a couch that were both in good condition and reasonably priced. She bought curtains and pictures for the walls. Once the furniture was delivered and the pictures had been hung, she admitted that the apartment felt a little less dreary.
Her first day at her new job, she was overwhelmed. It was training, but she already felt like she was in over her head. She was scared that she was going to fail. She cried a little as she drove home. Kiefer had stopped calling her, and even his emails were coming less frequently. She had a feeling it wouldn’t take him too long to move on. She honestly didn’t know whether the thought made her sad or comforted her anymore.
Six weeks later, she finished training. She felt better than she had before, but still wasn’t sure that she’d be able to handle the job. It was technical support at a call center, and while it certainly wasn’t brain surgery, and it paid much better than her last job had, she still wasn’t sure that she would make it. She hadn’t made any friends in her training class, though three guys had hit on her on an almost daily basis.
Her first scheduled day on the actual call center floor, she woke up in the morning and immediately rushed to the bathroom to throw up. She wondered if it was nerves or if she had caught a bug. As she flushed the toilet the realization that she had missed her period hit her. She banged her hand on the toilet seat.
“No damn it. Not now. If there is a God you cannot do this to me.”
She’d been dumb enough to have sex with Kiefer on the night before she’d left him. And he had been out of condoms. She wasn’t on birth control because she could never remember to take the pills and they hadn’t been able to afford any other form of birth control for her without insurance.
Delphina laid her head on the closed toilet seat and cried for a good fifteen minutes. Then she got up and took a shower and got ready for work. Her day did not go well. Every other customer she spoke with had a problem that was more complicated than her step by step screen prompts or wanted to speak with a supervisor.
She wanted to run her car into a tree by the time she left for the day. She stopped at a drug store and bought a pregnancy test. It took her two hours after she got home to find the courage to take it. When she saw the results, she cried for half an hour. It was positive.
She went to the bedroom and unplugged her phone from the charger. She took a deep breath and then let it out. She dialed Kiefer’s cell phone number.
He answered before the first ring was through. “Del. Did you change your mind? Oh baby, I have been so lost without you.”
Delphina bit her lip and brushed her hair back over her shoulder. “Kiefer I need to tell you something.”
“What is it babe? You can tell me anything. Please just tell me that you are coming home. I know that I haven’t always been there for you. Not during the bad times or even always the good. I know that I’ve been a real asshole and missed your birthday and that I lied and cheated and did a whole bunch of really messed up shit. But I promise you that I will be there for you from now on if you’ll just give me the chance.”
“This isn’t about us. Well, in a way it is but I didn’t call you to tell you that I want to come home. I’m doing fine here. My paychecks are almost twice as big as at my old job. The apartment’s not too bad.”
“Don’t you miss me even a little?”
Delphina sighed. “I didn’t say that.” She decided that she needed to just say it or he was going to have her talking in circles all night long. “I’m having a baby. I mean, we’re having a baby.”
“Huh? How can you be pregnant with my kid? I haven’t even seen you in six weeks let alone had sex with you.”
“Kiefer, don’t play stupid. We obviously made a baby on the last night we were together. If you don’t want to be a part of the child’s life, that’s up to you. I’m not going to keep you away but I’m not going to fight you for child support or anything like that.”
“Wait a minute Del. We made a baby and you still won’t think about giving me another chance? I think that the kid deserves to have two parents don’t you? I know I sure as hell didn’t appreciate growing up without a father.”
“You didn’t listen to a damned thing I said like usual. I said you can play Daddy.”
“Huh uh. I’m not just gonna play Daddy. I want to be a real Dad. I want you to marry me. I quit drinking. I’m trying to quit smoking but it’s really hard. I can come up there. I sorta already have a job offer there.”
“Kiefer.”
“What? I miss you. I love you Del. I’ll be the man that you deserve. I found a house for us to rent. It’s gotta be better than that shithole that you’re living in. I saw your car in the lot the day I went there for my job interview.”
“No Kiefer. You are not coming here.”
“Why the hell not? This job is a really good job. We can have a better life Del. You, me and the baby.”
Delphina sighed. “You can come here but we are not getting back together. I don’t care what you say. You can talk a good game but you never live up to your promises.”
“People change. When you walked out on me babe, I looked in the mirror and I saw this fuckup looking back at me. I’ve screwed up a lot of shit in my life Del, but never anything that was really worth a damn. Nothing that really mattered to me. You matter to me. I’m serious about wanting to marry you. I bought you a ring. I don’t know if it’s the right size though. Your sister wouldn’t tell me. She made her husband get on the phone. He told me to stop bugging her.”
“You shouldn’t have done that Kiefer. I hope you can take it back.”
“I don’t wanna take it back. I bought it for you. Please Del. I’m just a broken down empty shell of a man without you.”
“Kiefer, I can’t do this-especially when I’m pregnant. I can’t let myself depend on you again. You always end up letting me down.”
“I know baby, and I’m sorry. If I take the job, I start next week. Maybe you might change your mind by then.”
“Yeah right.”
“Del, I am serious. Why can’t we give it one last try? I know you miss me.”
“It doesn’t matter if I miss you. That’s not the point. I have to go. I have to work at six o’clock in the morning and I’ve been really tired lately.”
“It’s seven o’clock at night Del. Are you okay? Are you sure it’s not more than being pregnant? Have you been to the doctor yet? I get insurance with this job. It’s got really good coverage too.”
“I don’t care about your insurance Kie. I’m hanging up now.”
Delphina pushed end on her phone. She wanted to throw it against the wall when it rang almost immediately after she’d hung up. She closed her eyes briefly. You did what you needed to, she told herself. You told him.
She didn’t feel like she slept at all that night. Luckily, her next day at work was easier and it passed quickly. Kiefer had decided that it was okay to call her again. He called ten times and left nine messages before she went to sleep that night.
The next Monday Kiefer was waiting for her when she got home from work. She groaned. She tried to pretend that she hadn’t seen him, but he was at her side seconds after she got out of her car.
“Hi,” he said.
She looked up at him. “Hi.”
“You’re beautiful.”
Delphina sighed. “Don’t do this Kiefer. It’s going to be hard enough as it having a baby together.”
He reached a hand out towards her, but stopped when she gave him a look and shoved his hand in his pocket instead. “It doesn’t have to be hard. Come on, I want to show you this house. It’s rent to own. We can afford it too. You won’t even have to go back to work after you have the baby.”
“I don’t want to see it. I don’t care.”
“So you’re gonna raise a kid in this shithole?” He snorted as he gestured to the rundown apartment building.
“I’ll find another place.” She turned away from him because it was starting to hit her how much she had missed him. She wanted to kick her own ass when she caught the scent of his cologne. It was affecting her like it always had. She wanted to pull him to her and smell him.
She turned back towards him. “You shaved.” She reached out and brushed her hand over his face. “You look so young. I bet they card you when you buy cigarettes.”
He chuckled and put his hand over hers. “I quit two days ago.”
She took her hand back. “Oh.”
“Please baby. Just look at the house. You don’t have to decide today. I’ll give you all the time you need.”
He put his arm around her shoulder and she left it there. “You’re so tense Del. You should let me give you a massage.”
Delphina shook her head. “No way. We both know what happens when you give me a massage.”
Kiefer grinned. “It was always pretty damned good though wasn’t it?”
Delphina gave him a dirty look and pulled away from him. “So what if we had good sex? It doesn’t mean anything. I’m willing to bet you had good sex with plenty of other women while we were together. Hell, I know you did because you were an asshole and told me about it half the time.”
Kiefer frowned. “Do you really have to remind me of shit like that? I’m trying to be a better man for you.”
“Be a better man for yourself. I’ll look at your stupid house. Then you’re going to go away and leave me alone.”
“Del, you’re being unreasonable.”
“I am not. You tore my heart out and stomped on it for three years.”
“Everybody deserves a second chance. We’re having a baby.” Kiefer reached out his hand and laid it gently over her stomach. “My child is growing inside of you.”
She pushed his hand away. “I gave you a second chance. I gave you a third chance and a fourth chance and a damned twentieth chance. I think that’s enough. Let’s go. I’ll follow you.”
“Why don’t we go in my truck?”
“I don’t want to ride with you.”
Kiefer smiled. “I forgot that the way I smell drives you crazy.”
“Shut up.” There was no way she was going to tell him that he smelled even better now that he didn’t smell like cigarette smoke.
She opened her car door. “Go. I’ll follow you.”
Kiefer sighed. “Fine.”
He walked back to his truck. She had always found his truck to be almost comical. It was old and painted black with a neon green stripe on it. His friends had called it his UFO truck.
She watched him get into his truck and then followed him out of the parking lot. He pulled up in front of on off white house with red shutters a few minutes later. He grinned widely at her as he opened her car door for her.
“Pretty nice huh?”
She offered him a half smile. The yard was well kept, and the chain link fence was in good shape. The paint job on both the inside and the outside of her apartment seemed even worse now. “Sure. What’s the inside look like?”
He held up a key. “I’ll show you. I paid to move in today. My friends are helping me get the rest of my stuff moved in over the weekend.”
“That should be fun. Are they going to let you pay them in beer?”
“My friends aren’t that bad. Okay, so maybe they are. I’ll make new friends here. Better friends that aren’t just drinking buddies.” He held out his hand. “Come on.”
She shook her head. Being this close to him again was getting to her. When she was just listening to his voice on the phone, she could pretend that she hadn’t missed him. When she was beside him, and could catch the scent of his earthy cologne when he moved, it drove her crazy. It had never made sense to her that the cologne smelled so good on him. When he’d been out and had let her smell it at the store, it hadn’t smelled good to her. But when he put it on, it made her want to crawl up into his lap and turn her head into his neck and just breathe in his scent.
“Can’t you just give a little Del?”
“I’m looking at your damned house aren’t I?”
“Yeah.” He opened the gate. She followed him inside the yard and shut the gate. She stood on the porch as he unlocked the door.
When he pushed the door open, she decided that she liked her apartment even less. The carpet was a nice midnight blue color and it was springy, not worn down as if a thousand pairs of feet had walked over it for years. The living room was good sized. There was a large window that was without blinds or a curtain at the moment, so she could see that it gave a nice view of the front yard. The walls had been painted off white, but the job was much more carefully done than it had been at her apartment.
She held back a sigh as she followed him into the kitchen. The kitchen table from their apartment was already set up. The cabinets were in good shape, the counters were spotless. The stove looked relatively new as did the fridge. The tile was a blue color with veins of green through it that complemented the color of the living room carpet.
He led her back to the bedroom. His suitcase and older than the hills duffel bag were in the closet. There was a new looking dresser and a curtain on the window but no other furniture. The bathroom was clean and the shower had a nice sliding door, with a good sized tub.
She was silent as she followed him to the second bedroom. The walls were sky blue. The shade was close to the color of her eyes.
“This would be the baby’s room.”
“Kiefer.”
“Even if you don’t want to move back in with me, the kid would need a room here.”
Delphina sighed. “Yeah.” She turned to leave the room.
He touched her arm. “Wait.”
“What?”
She turned back to him. He pulled a velvet covered box out of his pocket. She closed her eyes and then opened them again as he popped open the box. She didn’t want to look at it. She didn’t like to think of all of the times he’d promised to marry her before.
“Del, aren’t you even going to look at it?”
“Why? We can’t get married. I don’t want to be the laughingstock of the town because I was dumb enough to marry a guy who doesn’t bother to pretend that he doesn’t stick his penis anywhere he wants to.”
“I haven’t been with anyone since you left.”
“How dumb do you think I am? You’re a sex addict. If we went more than a few days without having sex, you went looking for it somewhere else. Even when we were doing it all the time, you still looked for it elsewhere.”
“There was one woman. But that was right after you left me. I was drunk for three days straight Del. She didn’t mean anything. I can’t look at a woman anymore without comparing her to you. I love you. I want to be with you.”
She turned away from him. She had made the mistake of looking at the ring. It was very pretty. The styling wasn’t modern, but she didn’t like much modern jewelry. It looked old and romantic, like something that had been passed down in a family for generations. She wondered briefly where he had found it before she told herself to shut the hell up in her head.
“I don’t want to be with you.”
He slid his hands up and down her arms. It sent shivers down her spine. “I think you’re lying.”
She moved away from him. “So what? There is a sensible part of my brain and an emotional one. The emotional part of me is what kept me with you for so long. I do love you, but I can’t be with you anymore. It hurts too much.”
“It doesn’t have to hurt Del. I’m never gonna be perfect, but I promise that I will be a better man. I want to be a good husband, a good father.”
“I want you to be a good father. But you’re going to have to find yourself another wife.”
Kiefer sighed. “Can we compromise?”
“No.”
“Women. I will back off. But I want you to know that if you decide you want me back, I’ll be waiting for you.”
“Kiefer. Ah, never mind. I’m not going to bother to say it. I have to go.”
“Let me take you out to dinner.”
“No.”
“I’m getting to you aren’t I? That’s why you want to run away from me.”
“You know how men walk around thinking with their penises all of the time? Sometimes women think with their hearts. But all too often it only brings them heartache. So I’m telling mine to shut the fuck up. It’s getting easier every day.”
Kiefer shut the ring box and pressed it into her hand. “I want you to have this.”
“Give it to the next girl that you decide to sleep with. It doesn’t look like a regular engagement ring. They’ll never know that’s what it was meant to be. ”
“I picked it out for you. I knew that you didn’t like the kinda stuff that most other women like. I could have bought you some generic engagement ring like all the other guys buy for their girls. But I didn’t want to do that. I was actually thinking about you when I picked it out.”
Delphina shook her head and shoved the ring into her purse. “That would be the first time.”
“You don’t need to be such a bitch. I know I was an asshole for three years but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you or that I need to be treated like shit when I’m trying really fucking hard.”
“I’m sorry Kiefer. I’ll be civil. I promise.”
“Thanks. I guess I’ll let you go home now. Does that place have cockroaches? It looks like it would.”
“No. Do you have anything to sleep on before you bring the rest of your stuff down here? There’s a thrift store downtown.”
“I don’t need to buy a bed. Our bed is comfortable and it’s got a lot of good memories. You crying out my name in the heat of passion, the way you look when you’re moving on top of me. You’re the only woman that I’ve ever been with that always keeps her eyes open during sex. That is so hot.”
“Shut up. I have an air mattress that you can use until you bring the bed. You can keep the damned thing. It’s not very comfortable.”
“I can buy my own. Wait, it probably smells like you. I love the way you smell too.”
Delphina shook her head. “I said I would be civil. That doesn’t mean you need to talk about our relationship and especially not about our sex life.”
“You can’t pretend it didn’t happen Del. We had three good years together.”
“You had three good years. I had three years of you lying and cheating and going to jail.”
“I went to jail three times in three years. I went to jail way more than that before I met you. I only went to jail when I was drunk anyway. It won’t be a problem anymore. I know that it’s really hard for you to remember the good memories around all of the bad, but we did have good times. You don’t need to let them stay hidden. Do you remember that picnic I took you on last year?”
It wasn’t something that was easy for her to forget. They’d been fighting for weeks beforehand. Then he’d surprised her and taken her on an evening picnic. It had started to rain and they’d made love on the grass in the park. The experience had been incredible.
“None of that matters anymore Kie. Even the worst relationship had some good times. I’m going home. Do you want to follow me so I can give you that air mattress?”
“Yeah.”
Kiefer followed her outside. She drove back to her apartment and he followed her. He insisted on going up to the apartment with her though she practically begged him not to. He made a face, but didn’t remind her that she could live with him.
He thanked her for the air mattress and then left. She knew that he’d wanted to kiss her. She had let him get away with hugging her but she couldn’t let him kiss her. She was feeling way too vulnerable as it was.
She went to her first doctor’s appointment. She made it on a day when she knew that Kiefer couldn’t come and then ended up feeling bad because she’d been able to hear the baby’s heartbeat. Her job was going well. She felt more comfortable every day.
When she was three months pregnant, Kiefer talked her into having dinner with him. Delphina had a good time but it only reminded her of how much she missed him and it wasn’t a feeling that she appreciated.
When she was six months pregnant, he invited her over to decorate the baby’s room at his house. His new job was going well, and he was still sober. She was very proud of him, but still had doubts as to how long it would last. There was talk around town that he was seeing a woman. She had made a few friends at work and they all knew who Kiefer was. All of the single women in town seemed to think he was hot as hell. Even Delphina had to admit that he looked even better than he had before. He had cut his hair and was clean shaven most of the time.
They were sitting in Kiefer’s living room after they’d finished the baby’s room when Delphina asked him about his new girlfriend.
He gave her a strange look. “I don’t have a girlfriend Del. I haven’t gone this long without sex since I was a virgin.”
“Yeah right Kiefer. It’s going around town that you’re seeing someone.”
Kiefer chuckled. “Did it ever dawn on you that they might be talking about you Del? We’ve been out to dinner a few times and you’ve let me go to your last few doctors’ appointments.”
“I’m not your girlfriend.”
He shrugged. “I’m not the one that said it. But you could be my wife if you wanted to be.”
“We’re not going to discuss that again.”
“Del, don’t tell me that you don’t miss me being your man. I can see it in the way you look at me sometimes, that you want to kiss me. Right now I think you want to do a whole hell of a lot more than kiss me.”
“Don’t flatter yourself.”
“How about I kiss you and we can find out?”
Her heart started to beat faster. “No.”
He brushed his hand over her cheek. “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want me. Tell me that if I took you back to the bedroom and made love to you that you would just walk away from me again.”
“I don’t want you Kiefer.” But the words didn’t sound true even to her ears.
He smiled. “You’re lying. You looked at me for two seconds and then you looked away. We’ve been together too long for me not to know when you’re lying.”
“We’re not together anymore.”
“I’ve been good to you haven’t I? I’ve obeyed your wishes and I haven’t bugged you all the time about getting back together. Give me one more chance Del. I promise you that if I fuck it up I won’t ask for another chance. We don’t have to get married right away. Just let me be your man. I can make you proud of me.”
Delphina sighed. “I am proud of you Kie. You’ve been doing so well lately. I’m too vulnerable right now. I think I need to go.”
“Baby, do you know how proud it makes me that you’re the woman that’s having my baby? When I messed around, I was terrified that some trashy slut was going to get knocked up with my kid because I was drunk and didn’t think about using a rubber. It wasn’t just because I didn’t want to have to pay some bitch child support for 18 years. It was because I knew that when I was ready to have a kid, I wanted it to be with the right woman. You’re the right woman Del. You’ve always been the right woman for me. I knew it the first time I looked at you, I was just too stupid to realize what I was doing to you, how I was making you feel. I can never tell you how sorry I am. Let me make it up to you. I will do anything if you’ll just give me one last chance.”
“I can’t do this right now.” Delphina grabbed her purse and got up off of the couch. Tears were running down her face by the time she made it out the door. Kiefer called out to her but she ignored him. She couldn’t face him because she wanted nothing more than to be in his arms at that moment.
She drove home and cried until she had no more tears. Two hours later, she was standing on his doorstep. He answered the door and gave her a cautious smile.
“Hi. I didn’t mean to make you cry. You know that I never could stand to see you cry.” He moved out of the doorway so that she could enter the house and when she had he shut the door behind them.
She tried to ignore the fact that he was wearing nothing other than a worn pair of flannel pajama bottoms. She sat down on the couch. She took a deep breath and then let it out.
“If I give you another chance, it will be the last one. If you cheat on me even one more time, I will walk away from you and never look back. You will always be the father of my child, but that doesn’t mean that you always have to be my man. If things go well enough between us, I’ll move in here after the baby is born. I don’t want to marry you right now. It may take another three years for me to trust you enough to want to marry you.”
Kiefer was silent for a minute. Then a grin broke out on his face. “You’ll really take me back?”
Delphina nodded. “Yes.”
“Can I kiss you now?”
“Please.”
He kissed her slow and easy, but it only left her wanting more, so she turned up the passion a notch. He pulled back from her several minutes later and gave her a cocky grin.
“You’re horny aren’t you?”
She hit him with the pillow from the couch. “So what if I am?”
“I do still know how to take care of that.”
She shook her head at him. “I’m sure you do. That doesn’t mean that I need to hop right back into bed with you.”
“How about I kiss you again and we let nature take its course?”
She nodded, because she couldn’t speak. There was so much passion in his eyes that it made her almost dizzy looking at him.
Their nature did eventually lead them back to his bedroom. She was more than a little self –conscious as she stood naked in front of him. While she was thrilled with what her pregnancy had done to her breasts, she felt like her stomach was huge.
He followed her eyes from his flat abdomen to hers that was expanding with the growth of their child.
“You’re beautiful baby. We’re gonna take it slow and easy. If it’s not comfortable for you let me know.”
“This probably sounds like a dumb question and I probably should have researched it myself but how do you have sex when a woman is further along in her pregnancy?”
Kiefer smiled. She shot him a dirty look. “No. I haven’t been with a pregnant woman before. I took the liberty of doing some research of my own because I had a feeling that you might come around while you were still pregnant.”
“Uh huh.”
“Shh baby. Come here.” He led her to the bed.
They made love three times that night. She didn’t have to work the next day so she spent the night at his house. It was like coming home to fall asleep in his arms again.
She moved in two weeks before the baby was due. He had proven to her that he was trying his best to be the man that she needed him to be.
Macy Kendrix was born right on time. She weighed 7 pounds 7.5 ounces and was 21 inches long. Kiefer was a wonderful father. He proposed on the one year anniversary of their second chance relationship and Delphina accepted.
I Can Love You Like Nobody Can
Cecilia was sitting in a restaurant with her husband of six years when a woman walked by. Cec had the offhanded thought that she was beautiful, until she realized that Liam had smiled at the woman. She gave Liam a questioning look. The woman had disappeared, but his eyes had followed her exit. He looked like he was a million miles away.
“Liam, who was that?”
Liam turned back to her, brushing a strand of dark hair out of his eyes. Cec was always bugging him to cut his hair, but he’d never listened to her about it before, and she was sure that he wasn’t going to start anytime soon. “Nobody.”
Cec raised an eyebrow. “That smile was way too familiar for you not to know who she is. So why are you lying to me?”
Liam shook his head at her. “Cec, why are you being paranoid? So the woman was attractive and I looked at her. Are you on your period?”
Cec shook her head at him. “Every time a woman has an issue with a man, the first thing he asks is are you on your period. I don’t have to be on my period to notice that you totally check out a woman, smile at her like you know her and then tell me that she’s nobody. I’m going home. Have a nice rest of the day at work. I’m guessing that you’re going to be home late again tonight.”
Liam sighed. “Yes. I’m sorry baby. But you know we need the money.”
“I can look for a job. I told you that it’s not a big deal.”
“We made an agreement before we got married that you wouldn’t have to work. You were going to stay at home and raise our kids.”
Cec sighed. “We don’t have any kids remember?”
Liam rolled his eyes. “Of course I remember. I have to go babe. I’ll see you later.” He leaned over and gave her a kiss.
“So I’m assuming that you’re working late with nobody again huh?”
Liam let out a frustrated sigh. “Cec, haven’t you ever heard that assuming things makes an ass out of you and me? This is a one man campaign. If they keep laying people off we might have to go live in your parents’ guest house.”
“Ugh. Maybe if your parents were the ones that had the guest house. But mine-no way. I’ll live in a cockroach infested studio apartment before I live with them again. They won’t stop asking when we’re going to give them a grandbaby.”
“We’ll make a baby when we can afford one.”
“Sometimes that sounds like it’s not going to happen until I’m going through menopause.”
“Baby, it’s gonna get better. I promise. I’ll see you later. Don’t bother to cook dinner for me. I’ll get takeout.”
“I wish you’d let me send you something for dinner if you’re working late.”
“You do too much as it is. You’re like a superwoman.” Liam gave her another quick kiss. “Bye babe.”
He turned and walked away. Cec sighed as she got up from the table. She didn’t like the feeling she had gotten when the woman had walked by their table. She knew she was attractive. She wasn’t normally self-conscious, but Liam’s “nobody” had been beautiful hands down. If they were in a beauty contest together, Cec was sure that “nobody” would come out the winner by a unanimous decision.
Cec brushed her dark hair back over her shoulder and grabbed her purse from where she’d tossed it on the empty chair beside her. She left a tip on the table and then walked to the register to take care of the check.
As she walked home, uncomfortable thoughts were circulating in her head. She was an attractive woman with her trim figure, dark hair and eyes and creamy pale skin. But Liam was undoubtedly a very attractive man even if he did need a haircut. He was 6’2 and had muscles like he worked out, though he did only on rare occasions. He looked like a man that had a manly job, when his job was in advertising. At the moment, he was one of the very few left in advertising at the green household products company that he worked at.
Cec understood that there had been layoffs, but she was beginning to doubt more and more that he was really just working late. In what she called her crazy paranoid moments from early in their marriage, she had believed that a woman that looked like she should be on the cover of a magazine would steal Liam away from her. He HAD been on the cover of a magazine. Women had called their house for months afterwards, though the picture had showed the wedding ring on his finger. The article about him inside had also mentioned his wife, but Cec doubted that most of the women that called their house had bothered to read the article.
Then again, she thought as she put the key in the door to unlock their house, some women didn’t seem to care if a man was married. Some women actually seemed to take it as a challenge to steal a man away from his wife or girlfriend. Cec had met way too many of those kind of girls in high school. Her high school boyfriend had been stolen away from her by one of them. Of course she had a feeling that it also had to do with the fact that she wouldn’t have sex with Gene, and the other girl was known to put out.
Cec shook her head at herself as she sat down on the couch. She was going to drive herself crazy if she didn’t stop thinking about the woman at the restaurant and she knew it. She tried not to think about it as she went about her daily activities of laundry and house cleaning, but it wasn’t working. It didn’t help that Liam got home even later than usual that night either.
She was reading a book when he walked into their bedroom. He gave her a look. “What?” she said.
“Why are you awake? It’s after midnight.”
Cec rolled her eyes. “I can read a clock Liam.” She felt irritated and knew that a fight could start all too easily. “Why are you coming home now when you’ve got to be at work in eight hours?”
Liam sighed. “Babe, I told you. I have a very important project to finish. If I do well enough, there’s a chance that I’ll get the job as head of advertising.”
Cec snorted, suddenly wanting a cigarette like she hadn’t wanted one since she’d quit five years before. “You already do all of the work. I thought they got rid of that position. I thought they had to pay the last guy too much.”
“They wouldn’t have to pay me as much as they paid him and they know it. I’m going to take a shower and go to bed babe. Why don’t you go to sleep? You look tired.”
He went to the bathroom before she could say another word. She gave the closed bathroom door a dirty look. She marked her place in her book and then rolled over towards the edge of the bed. He hadn’t noticed that she’d put on a piece of her sexiest lingerie. She knew that he was tired when he got home from work, but it seemed like forever since they’d made love. Right now, she thought she’d even take some down and dirty wham bam thank you ma’am sex.
He took forever in the shower. She was half asleep by the time he crawled into bed. He pulled her to him and then leaned over and turned off the lamp. “What’s wrong babe? What’s on your mind?”
“Nobody. Oh, I mean nothing.”
Liam sighed. “Don’t start that shit again. I don’t want to fight. I’m tired baby. Goodnight Cec. I love you.”
“I love you too but ignoring it isn’t going to make it go away.”
“There is nothing to make go away Cec. You should wear that teddy when I’m not so damned tired. I’d ravage you.”
“Sure.”
Liam slid his hand between her legs. “Don’t sure me.” He let out a quiet groan. “You’re not wearing panties. And you’re rather moist. Who knew that arguing turned you on so much?”
“Ha ha. Make love to me Liam. I don’t care if it’s quick. I’d take a quickie right now.”
Liam lightly stroked her womanhood. “I can feel that. Damn can I feel that. Have I really been neglecting you that much? I’m sorry baby.”
Cec moved against his hand and spread her legs slightly. “You have. Take me just like this. Please.” Cec didn’t care at that moment if he was thinking of someone else. “I’ll make your coffee extra strong in the morning. Love me Liam.”
He groaned again. “I think I’m gonna have to or I’ll end up with blue balls.”
“Weirdo. Can you take your pants off with one hand?”
Liam chuckled. “My horny wife. Yeah, I think I can manage. Or you could always touch yourself for the thirty seconds it takes me to take my pants off. You know how much it turns me on when you do that.”
“Not tonight. Please Liam.”
“Yes baby.” He shifted slightly. It seemed to Cec to take forever before he was finally inside of her. But it was so blissful when he was that she was sure she was going to have an orgasm right away. When he pushed himself more fully into her she did have an orgasm. She cried out his name so loud that she was glad that they didn’t have children. He laughed at her, but he came soon after she did. When he withdrew from her, she felt a little less suspicious than she had earlier. She was pretty sure that if he’d had sex with someone else recently he wouldn’t have come to orgasm quite so fast.
She turned her head and kissed him. “Thank you. I love you Liam.”
He chuckled. “Thank you darlin’. I needed that more than I realized. I love you Cec. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight Liam.” She snuggled back into his arms and was soon asleep.
Cec started to feel better about their relationship, but her suspicions rose again over the weekend. They went for a long drive, and Liam seemed as if he was a million miles away again. When she asked him what was on his mind, instead of nothing, he said nobody, even though she hadn’t asked him who was on his mind. She cried a little that night while he was in the shower. She felt like he was slipping away from her. She loved Liam so much that it hurt sometimes. She was so afraid to lose him.
They got into a fight when he got out of the shower and he ended up sleeping on the couch that night. He was gone when she woke up in the morning. She wondered if she had driven him into the arms of his “nobody”.
He returned home in the late afternoon, with takeout and a bouquet of flowers as a peace offering. She tried to tempt him into sex that night, but he told her that he had to get up extra early in the morning.
Monday night, she waited to take her shower until after he got home from work. She knew that he had already showered that morning. She crawled into bed naked and kissed him with a passion that felt almost frantic even to her. He pulled back after a minute. “Baby, are you sure you’re okay?”
“No, I’m not okay. You’re a million miles away all of the time.”
Liam sighed. “I’m stressed. There’s this new guy in the department. There’s talk around the office that they’re going to give him the head advertising position instead of me since he was an advertising exec at some other company. I’m sorry baby. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”
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