The Feeling of Regret
a short story
Jeremy C Kester
Smashwords Edition
Copyright 2009 Jeremy C Kester
Cover photograph Copyright 2009 Carla Martini and Jeremy C Kester
Cover Design by Jeremy C Kester
All Rights Reserved
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The Feeling of Regret
Her hands gently grazed the empty spot beside her. Her hands gently played with the silk sheets between her fingertips. There was no indentation, no evidence that anyone had been laying there for some time. In fact, there was no one to inhabit that space.
Thoughts drifted towards the last person to lay there. He was the last person she loved. The only person she ever loved.
Jonathan left her years ago. The sting of his abandonment stayed with her. Religiously, she set the bed as though he were to walk through her front door at any moment. That he would admit to his mistakes and take her back.
There were no such feelings from him. Cynthia made sure that there would be none.
It was that single night, that night of regret. Jonathan walked in on her with another man tangled in the silk sheets. No words were spoken as she had settled her pelvis on the man. She didn’t jump off, she just froze. Reality took hold only when her lover pushed her off. Jonathan just turned and walked out.
No words.
Nothing taken.
Even the bags he had on his business trip were left behind.
As she was pushed off of her lover, Cynthia remembered vividly the feeling at that moment of the silk sheets against her skin. The contrast of its softness against the troubled emotions then engulfing her stayed with her.
Nothing was taken with her either as she ran out after Jonathan.
What was odd about the silk was that it was the only feeling she remembered, even after heading straight out the door, naked.
Several tenants of her building watched, some in disbelief, others in amused delight, as Cynthia ran frantically down the stairs calling out his name. She finally caught up with him outside of the building. He was still dressed in a suit with a wool pea coat and dark scarf. Despite the frigid chill of the November air Cynthia was unfazed.
“Please, don’t leave!” she cried out as soon as she caught sight of him.
Jonathan turned. Upon seeing her, he shook his head and resumed walking away.
Cynthia grabbed his arm and threw herself upon him. Now, she was crying. “Don’t go,” she pleaded to him.
“Why now?” Jonathan asked as he pulled her hands off of his coat and held them away from him. His voice wasn’t angry, which caught Cynthia off guard. “Why did you wait for this moment to decide that I am worth the trouble?”
Silvery-blue eyes gazed up at him regretfully. She was confused. “I’ve always wanted you,” she sobbed. “Please don’t leave me here.”
Slowly, Jonathan began to pull off his coat wrapping it around Cynthia. A smile grew on her face and she leaned to wrap her arms around him.
“It’s too late, Cynthia,” spoke Jonathan. “It’s over between us.”
Without another word, as the warm smile of hope faded from Cynthia’s face, he turned and walked away from her.
It was the last she spoke with him.
It was the last time she slept with anyone.
The quiet walk back up to their apartment felt to her like an eternity. When she returned, she found an empty apartment waiting for her. A small note was on the table next to her bed with Call me. I’m sorry. written upon it. She picked it up and crumpled it up tossing it to the trash.
Silk remained on her bed since that night. Every touch reminded her of the feelings that she could not let go. Several times she tried so desperately to let go. Call after call was left unanswered. He had known of her transgressions. He did not want to believe them. Seeing her with another man had been the confirmation that he was dreading. Or so that is what friends of theirs had conveyed to her.
Cynthia felt as though she would never truly know the reason he left her.
Night after night, Cynthia slept on the silk sheets waiting for Jonathan to walk through the door again. He is the only man she ever loved. Regret drove her to wait. She would never touch another man until she was able to find her closure. She needed that reason. She knew that she was unfaithful, but she still loved him. The silk only reminded her how much she wants him.
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A Brief Note About the Author
Jeremy lives outside of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania with his wife, son, and two unruly cats. He is currently employed as a technician for a prominent chemical processing company and enjoys using whatever free time he has to write. Currently, in addition to his web-saga “The Vigil,” Jeremy is querying for his first novel: A Sudden Disconnect. He also has plans to independently release a serial sci-fi story and maintains a blog at jeremyckester.com.