Dipping Out
Short play of ten minute duration for one actor
Actors: One Woman mid thirties, happy disposition almost care free.
Set: Actress, dressed in Olympic track suit. A metal sports whistle, a mega phone a clip board with papers and a pen.
Synopsis: A Diving coach is having a try out for new members of an elite team to represent the country in future Olympics. She has to select from the group of young hopefuls and their parents.
Stage directions: The Coach stands front centre of stage. She imitates addressing and replying to the divers and their parents using the mega phone and her voice as each hopeful adds a new twist to the diving trials.
Act commences:
Coach. Motions mustering the people: Okay come line up! Let me look at all you fantastic athletes. Wow! I am impressed, now as I call your name I want you to go and climb the tall tower to the top and wait till I say dive, I want to see your best work, ok?
Parents, I want you to come stand beside me when it is your child on the tower,
so I can get all the little stars details.
Coach stands looking uphigh to front of stage towards audience, imagining a diving tower is 10 metres high and diver is standing waiting for instructions.
Ok, who do we have here? Who? Leaning to parents. Oh, Alion.
OK Alion come to the edge of the tower, now what is that your wearing dear? What’s that? Diamonte’s very nice yes, but why are they on the front of your costume in a heart shape around your penis? What?, it looks nice, yes they do but just another question sweety, have you um, enhanced yourself? A bit?
Oh you have not. Ok Alion, do your dive.
Coach pretends to watch dive lifting head then slowly lowering head to water level.
Dipping Out page one
Alion darling that was wonderful, but when you leave the platform try not to wave to the audience, a simple wink will sufice.
Ok who is next? Who? Kimmi, hello Kimmi , um dear, do you have a one piece?
Coach (looking at parent)
Why is she in two piece? Oh! Kimmi, honey, can you answer me one question, yes dear, um, when are you due?
What? 0ne month, ok and are you sure this is a good thing to do? Oh yes it, will help the water break, ok, show me what you got,…
Beautiful darling, nice jump, you ok? What? Your feeling some contractions? Go sit in the hot spa and rest.
Next? And you are? Phil, Phil you look a bit confused sweety are you……… Before coach can continue, her eyes follow Phil from top to bottom, and looks concerned
Did that hurt honey? Because it looked like it really hurt.
Coach looking to side at parent questionably…
What, he has what? Narco….lepsi. Oh!
Phil darling go to the poolside and sleep it off till the pain goes.
Ok! Next please. And you are? What that, Scott, Scott who? Oh! Scott fuck all to
do with me,is that what you said dear?
No, no I am not trying to tell you what to do. What’s that? You will jump when your fucken ready bitch.
Ok! So when is that dear? No! No! I’m not trying to argue with you. What’s that? You’re not taking any shit? Well do you dive at all? What? Who am I as a mere woman to ask questions?
I guess you are too scared to jump at all, you sniveling, weak, sook?
Dipping out page two
Coach watches the dive and pretends to call security to have Scott subdued.
Casts anxious looks at the parent.
So how old is the Mysognistic little bastard?
Coach pretends to write on clip board.
Ok! After they remove Scotty in that nice straight jacket, we can have our next diver. Where is she? Hello, um Bunny is Bunny there? Bunny…….Oh there you are darling where were you? What? In the spa with Alion, why was that?
Coach looks out to side and pretends to watch Alion running away.
Alion honey, why are you crying? Where are your trunks? Bunny sweety what did you do to Alion? Bunny where are you now?
Coach walks around looking at side of stage.
Bunny! Bunny, get off Phil you cant do that to a man when he is asleep, pull your swimmers on and get on to the platform, Bunny, stop it! Scotty is in a straight jacket you must not try to have sex with a man, after they are tasered.
That’s it, up you go, good girl. Now give me your best dive. .stop rubbing yourself on the edge of the metal railing and try honey please..
Coach watches the dive and and waits. till Bunny appears above the water.
Ok Bunny that was very,um, flexable, only one little question.
That Little scream you let out as you dived honey was that a…. a?…. Oh it was… An Orgasm… Oh multiple! Ok go and have a smoke or something..
Next…. And you are? Who dear? It is dear isn’t it? Who? Fatima .Ok Fatima,
Dipping out page three
a little question, the swimmers, what are they? A what? A Hijab, yes it is very nice, but can you see the pool honey?
What are you doing now dear ?Oh sorry, doing your prayers is it? And how long will that take?
Coach looks around for someone to answer ,,
What? 6 minutes, ok.
Coach writes in pad, for a minute, then looks up at tower.
Ok are we all prayed up? Give me a big dive.
Coach watches the dive her head very, very slowly looks from top to bottom.
Fatima, the Hijab is that meant to be a parachute? No! Oh you forgot to tie the bottom, ok .. Honey, are you um, drowning? Yes? Ok.
Coach beckons staff to hook her out of water….
Ok almost there, now who have we on the top now? Who? Warren,
hello Warren. Coach looks to side as if chatting to the parent,
Um Warren, he is….. special isn’t he? Has he um, dived before? No, so this is an outing you say ,,,from the shelter,,, giving the staff a rest, ok .
Coach returns her attention to Warren, on the high diving platfirm.
Honey give me your super dupa dive.
What’s that? You want to do your dingle dance. .
Coach watches amazed for a moment,,,, and then pretends to watch him dive.
Warren darling that was, um, very um, enlightening, but you must keep your swimmers on and swinging on the edge of the concrete with your erection may not impress the judges as much as it has impressed ,Bunny,
Coach pretends to look across the pool in dismay.
Dipping out page four
Bunny put Warren down, no! Not like that, I mean put him back in his swimmers. Oh, can some one separate them please….
Now lucky last who do we have here?.. Whats that? Saphi? Ok Saphi, um Saphi darling are you ok? Why are you crying darling? Whats that? Need to kill your self? No darling don’t do that today … who?.. Oh,your boyfriend and your sister the slut? Whats that? This will show him,,, Saphi honey can you come to the pool end of the platform,, Away from the concrete ledge? Baby please get off the railing,, Coach screams in terror.
No! Don’t jump!
I tell you what Saphi, If you dive today for me and you still feel the same way on Monday, you can jump, ok?… Good girl.
Coach watches dive in to water, and sighs in relief..
Ok, I want you all to gather around me please, gather around. I have watched you all dive and must say, I was concerned about the quality of the dives before you started, but I am happy to say I am offering you all a 4 year contract with the national side, and with the Olympics coming up in one month, your all going to London, Coach cheers loudly and looks happy .
Now go and rest up and be here nice and early Monday morning to meet your new coach, Miss Lauren, she will look after you.
Coach turns away and mutters loudly addressing the audience.
The same way the little slut looked after the head diving coach to steal my job….
The End
Dipping out