The Secret Diaries of a Frigid Mole
by
Jenny Lewis
******
Copyright Jenny Lewis 2010
Smashwords edition
ISBN 978 0 646 51217 4
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Table of Contents
One Year Diary
If this diary should tend to roam, smack its arse and send it home to Bernadette Jane Evans’ joint, Greensborough. And if you read it, my stupid, pog sister Anne, I will smack your ARSE AND SMASH YOUR GOONY FACE IN!!!!
Wednesday April 24th
Today is my 14th birthday and I am writing this in bed with real tears and snot spewing out of me like buggery. But they are not tears and snot of sadness – oh, no – I cry for how happy I am. Everyone was so nice to me today and they acted like they really liked me. I got so many presents and lots of attention from everyone. I think I shall start from the beginning. Michael (my best non-good-group friend) woke me up early (that bastard) and gave me you, my Diary, as a birthday present. I think it’s just a normal shop diary, but his mum (who I love) wrote a bunch of stuff on the cover in gold writing. I love it and I was that wrapped I didn’t even tell Michael it was a stupid time of year to give a diary. He stayed for breakfast and Mum kept saying that the birthday girl could have anything she wanted, but all I wanted was what I already had – a beautiful, caring family (except Dad) and lots of friends (except Cheryl, Melissa, Rhonda and Maria) who suck up to me. Anne (my up-herself older sister), was even nice to me and Bob (my younger brother who I hate) was good enough to ignore me. Cheryl, my fugly mole best friend, came to pick me up and me, her and Michael walked to school together. Then the best part of the day got started. In English, Mr Cavanagh made everyone sing Happy Birthday to me and I was embarrassed, and Darrell (this guy I’ve had many affairs with in my short life and I’m still wrapped in him, in an un-wrapped in way) punched me fourteen times in the arm, plus one for good luck. It was grouse that he was touching me, even though it hurt like hell. Cheryl forgot to get me a present, so she took the crappiest Sherbet poster off her wall and gave it to me. Mole. We had fish and chips for tea (cos that’s my favourite dish) and Dad came home and felt bad for forgetting my birthday, and he told Mum off for not reminding him. He reckons she did it on purpose just to make him look bad, which she probably did. The good thing is that they didn’t fight cos it would ruin my birthday. Grouse. They gave me the American Graffiti album, Anne gave me a top and Bob gave me Mockingbird, by Johnny O’Keefe and a card. Oh, and before you go thinking he’s a nice boy, this is what he wrote. “Dear Big Fat and Ugly. You are adopted. I hope you have a stupid birthday. Love your hansum little Bobby-Wobby.” See? He’s the biggest little bastard out, not that Mum and Dad ever see it. They treat him like King Ping. So that brings us back to now, my darling Diary. I promise to fill these pages with words about how happy I am and how much I love my friends and family.
Saturday April 27th
Before I say anything else, I would just like to say that I hate Mum. She reckons I carry things too far and she picks on me so much that fair dinkum I feel like running away. I hate Cheryl (sometimes). She likes Darrell too, I can tell. She always wants to sit next to him and talk to him and loves ringing him up on the phone and all they do is talk about me. I know she is trying to turn him off me and onto her, but he would never love a stupid, ugly FRIGID MOLE!!!! like Cheryl. I found out that Melissa loves Darrell too, which I don’t care about because she is going with Paul so I am safe with her. But I heard that Paul is getting sick of Melissa, because she keeps saying how she looks like Jeannie off I Dream of Jeannie, when she doesn’t. If he drops her, she’ll be free and Darrell might have her which would be an unnatural disaster. Mole! Nana and Auntie Ruth came over with my birthday presents. Dad and Bob picked them up on the way back from seeing South Melbourne play. Auntie Ruth gives grouse presents, but Nana’s are stupid and don’t cost a thing. Mum says that too. Before I leave you, my dearest Diary, I have to say sorry for not writing all the time. I have a reason though, and it’s that I couldn’t be bothered. I promise to write every day from now on.
Friday September 13th
Friday the 13th and all this day brought me was good luck. You see, I am going with Scott, and I really like him, but I also like Darrell and the best thing is that I found out today (from big-mouth wog Maria) that he likes me too. I don’t want to drop Scott cos it would embarrass him, but it’s hard going with someone who doesn’t go to our school. To tell the truth, I don’t really want to go with Darrell cos it will ruin our friendship after we drop. That’s the last thing in the world I would like to happen. I stare at Darrell playing cricket. I have never been so much in love with anyone in my life, and I even think of him more than Daryl Braithwaite, who I think about all the time in a sexy way, especially when he’s singing Cassandra or Sweet Valentine. I’d go for miles just to see Darrell’s face, but it’s the same with Scott. I love them both that much. What should I do?
Saturday September 14th (UNINTERESTING!!!!)
Nothing happened today. It was that boring I nearly died. You can’t half tell that my bloody Mum and Dad love Bob more than me. Bob does this thing where he comes home from the footy and goes “Where’s my cock!? Has anyone seen my cock!?” He means Charlie (our basset hound), and Charlie runs in and goes mental over Bob, and Bob goes “There’s my cock! What a lovely long cock”. Mum and Dad laugh like it’s the funniest thing in the world, even though Bob knows bloody well what he’s saying. But when it comes to me, oh, yes, it’s a different story. All I said was that Bob looked like a cock-sucker with his South Melbourne knitted hat on, and Mum bloody told me off, when it’s exactly the same thing. Dad wasn’t amused either. EVERYBODY HATES A MIDDLE CHILD! Mum saw The Exorcist with Auntie Beth tonight and me and Anne went and hung around with Uncle Ron and Gayle, Kaye and Julie (my cousins) because Bob and Dad were watching the footy replay at our joint, which shit me. Gayle and me did a quiz in Cleo and it proved that I’ve got a good personality, which I already knew.
Sunday September 15th
Mum took Charlie to the vet to get a cyst cut off his ear. She’s that worried, but she would never be that worried about me if I had to stay at the vet overnight. This morning Mum made me wash the car and I was in a real bad mood about it, so I did a bad job. Ha! Sucked in. Then of course Bob was allowed to watch some shithouse football show, which shitted me because I wanted to watch this really grouse show about something I can’t think up now. Being isolated in my room knocked me out of the bad mood. I thought more about Scott and Darrell. Who to love? Cheryl rang and said she’d tell Scott to drop me, but I don’t want her to just in case I still love him. Tomorrow is school so I can see what will happen about Darrell and maybe we’ll have a fight. I don’t know. Until then…
A POEM TO MY UNFAVOURING MOTHER
I know I’m dramatic
I know I’m
loud
I know I like to stand out from the crowd
But mum, here’s
some advice and try not to leak it
If your attention you’d just
give
I WOULDN’T NEED TO SEEK IT!
Monday September 16th (PERIOD STARTED)
I stayed home today, Diary, as the Sports were on, but bloody Mum wouldn’t write me a note saying I was sick because she doesn’t like lying and she doesn’t agree that a period is a good enough excuse to get out of stuff. I said I’d just wag anyway then she’d get a bad name for having a wagging daughter so she wrote the note. Then I think she was really sad and I felt awful, cos Mum said she doesn’t have the energy to fight with me on top of all her other problems. She only said that to make me feel bad, so I didn’t. Sucked in. Darrell didn’t come over after the Sports but Cheryl did and I asked her what everyone was saying about me at the Sports. She put a secretive look on her face and said that if I’m that interested I shouldn’t wag. God I HATE HER!!!! I always tell her what everyone says about her, even when it’s bad which is all the time. I loaned her my American Graffiti record so that she could learn to rock’n’roll, and I’ll bet that bitch doesn’t give it back. I hate her so much, and believe me I’ll show it tomorrow. Boy won’t she pack her nana pants.
Tuesday September 17th
ATTENTION
DO NOT READ THIS NEXT BIT OR ELSE!!!!!
I MEAN IT, ANNE!!!!
Because I cannot trust some people to keep their sneaky noses and fat stumpy fingers out of my private business, I shall write in codes that they (SHE!!) will never in a million years figure out. I will use these codes for the rest of this diary and probably for the rest of my life. It should not have to COME TO THIS!!!! I should not have to write in code in my own bloody diary you bloody elom!!!! Here are the codes.
ELOM = Mole. If it’s in capitals, I really mean it. If it’s not in capitals, I still mean it, but in a nice way.
HARVEY = Darrell. So if I ever say “Harvey” I mean Darrell, who is the boy I am secretly in love with. If I meet some other guy in the future named Harvey I will call him Real-Harvey.
TALK MATURELY = Kiss or pash on.
LOVE = Hate.
HATE = Love.
POG = cross between a pig and a dog.
FUGLY = fucken ugly.
SITH = Shit.
Now for today’s entry. Remember, it’s in code.
Big news! Paul dropped Melissa in the
morning, then Dino asked her to go with him at lunchtime and she said
“yes”. She’s a MOL ELOM the way she jumps from
one boy to another, but I’m glad because it means she’s still
taken, so that might keep her sucky mitts off Da
Harvey for a while. For me the day was a disaster. I grabbed Harvey’s
arm in Resources. In my own way I was trying to make him know that I
loved hated him, but I got the feeling that he
wasn’t wrapped because he pulled his arm away and said “piss off,
elom” (but he said the non-code word). He kept calling me stupid
and yelling at me all day. For the rest of the day I kept telling
everyone that I hat loved Darrell
Harvey. Of course, Cheryl couldn’t wait to tell Harvey that I loved
(see codes, she was actually telling him the opposite) him and she
told me that he was wrapped about that – she’s a fugly ELOM!!!! I
guess I had better hate love hate
Scott. He is my boyfriend, after all, and I think I am more wrapped
in him than Darrell Harvey. Me, mole elom Cheryl and
Michael were walking home and I asked Michael if Darrell said
anything about me. Michael reckons that Darrell,
Harvey and Scott are both dickheads. I think he’s jealous because
he’s not in their good group. I got Cheryl to ring up Scott from my
house and find out what he said about me. She goes to him “Bernie’s
really mad at you”. “Why?” was the answer. “You never ring
her up or go and see her. You’d never know that you were going
together.” So now Scott’s going to try and get us back together.
SHIT! SITH! I hope he doesn’t come over. I can
never act natural in front of him and after we pa
talk maturely, his spit leaves a funny taste in my mouth. I’m
praying that after the sports tomorrow Dar Harvey
will come over. He’s always in my dreams. I think that I want to
marry Darrell Harvey. I can’t imagine what it
would be like growing up without loving Darrell
Harvey.
Wednesday September 18th
ATTENTION
I am not using codes anymore. From now on, whatever is written is meant the way it is. Sometimes I may still say ELOM because I like it, but love means love and hate means hate. POG and FUGLY are real words anyway. Oh, and if I ever say “Harvey” it does not mean Darrell. It means there’s a new real guy around called Harvey, who probably wants me, and I am talking about him. I am not really talking about Darrell. That is very important.
Start today’s news NOW!
Sith! Shit!
Something terrible has happened. Dino dropped Melissa cos he likes
this raving beauty called Karen and now all of our boys (Dino, Bevan,
Paul and even Darrell!) are sitting with her mole group. They all
like Skyhooks so we call them Skyhooks Moles. Oh, God, why do things
have to change? Why can’t Melissa hang onto her man! It was grouse
the end of last week. Everyone was happy and friendly and peaceful
and now it’s all fallen apart. I want this business stopped pretty
soon. I watched a sad movie with my cousin Kaye called Madam X. It
was that bloody sad, we bawled in the end. We soaked a whole
tea-towel between us with our snot and tears and we kept screaming at
Madam X to tell the lawyer guy he was her son, then he’d save her
from being executed (or something). It was a tragic story, nearly as
tragic as the story with our boys. We had better get them back or
else. Please, Diary, grant me this favour and stop this pogginess
from happening in my short but popular life!!!
Thursday September 19th
Our boys are sitting back with us again now, so that disaster is over. I don’t think they can act natural around the Skyhooks moles and I don’t think they can get away with treating them like shit like they do to us, so that’s good. I had first period with Darrell today and he asked me if I had raised my two dollars yet for Luna Park (the school is organising a group to Luna Park on some Saturday later in the year, but we’ve got to pay the two dollars to go now, even though it’s ages away). I said me, Melissa, Cheryl and Rhonda can’t go if we get into the Netball finals, which is true. He looked upset, I mean, really upset, but he said he’d still go even if all us good girls couldn’t go. So, me and Melissa have decided to try and not get into the finals so we can go to Luna Park. Then when I was passing Darrell in the corridor I put a worried look on my face and pretended not to see him. I don’t know why. I guess it’s all part of being in love. I asked him later if he had seen Scott or if he will be seeing him. That was a sort of hint to let him know that I was going to make Scott drop me, even though I’m not. I can’t remember Darrell’s answer cos I was too busy looking at him. I don’t like Scott. I’m convinced of it now. But I don’t want to hurt him. I shall never go with anyone even though I will love them.
A TRUE STORY ABOUT A MAN I DARE NOT HAVE
In class when you are teaching us Science or English and that, don’t you see… I can’t learn this. When you’re near me I tingle. My heart flutters as if I was giving it to you. It makes me suffer to know that you’re so close but not tasting my kiss. But the boys take care of that, don’t they, Mr Cavanagh. They tell you every lesson how I feel and I am so embarrassed and I can tell so are you. If only we could stop these foolish games and have each other for our own. There is another, I know this. What should I expect? You’re 23 or something and I am only 14 and she is beautiful, I can guess, as am I. You must have the very best and my love for you I’ll give if only you see it my way and decide that the two of us together is what I want from keeping myself from living with a broken heart. I am giving my heart to you, and it shall break in two if my ears listen to what I so dread to hear. Don’t say it. Say you love me, love me, as I love you.
Saturday September 21st
I played Netball this morning and we lost 21 to 9. Grouse. Melissa thinks she’s the best goaler but none of her goals went in and she said it was because I told her to miss so that we could go to Luna Park. That’s bullshit, even though I did tell her that. She went off at me for playing well and throwing good passes at her because it made her look bad for missing and me look good. I can’t help it if I can’t play bad even if I’m trying to. Going to Luna Park this time means more to me than having fun. It means that I’m maturing enough to be able to go out with some friends when I know that Mum can trust me. I mean to say, we will be carrying on with boys and mucking around and smoking, but in a mature way. Cheryl thinks that she’s going in the Tunnel of Love with Darrell. Ha! More like the “Tunnel of Spew” with that ugly mole. She wants me to sleep at her joint in the caravan tomorrow night and I should tell her that if she wants to be wrapped in the boy I’m wrapped in then she just has to realise she can’t also have faithful friends like me sleeping over. But it’s a great excuse to get away from my fighting mum and dad. Plus I love it.
Sunday September 22nd
I’m sleeping over at Cheryl’s joint in the caravan, and being here has made me realise (what I already knew) what a good friend Cheryl is. We watched this grouse movie called Wait Until Dark, and we both bought the same nighties, and we rang Darrell four and a half times and every time he was talking to me, I knew, I just knew, that he wished it was Cheryl and not me. He talked much better to her than he did to me, and I was that happy for her. I now realise that me and Darrell can only be friends til the end of time and that I shall not stand in the way of the true love that Cheryl and Darrell have, or will have. After the phone, me and Cheryl talked for yonks about boys and our periods and that, and we made up a quiz to find out who the best looking girl in our good group is. Naturally Cheryl came first and I was second, then Melissa, Rhonda then Maria. I can’t tell you how much I like Cheryl, Diary, she is my best friend and I know she’ll never talk behind my back, like I don’t about her.
Monday September 23rd
Is Cheryl ever a suck. Sorry I had to write all that bullshit last night, Diary, but Cheryl and me made up this thing where we let each other read our diaries when we sleep at each other’s joints (just the one page, not the whole thing, thank God). Can you believe she thinks she’s better looking than me? Jesus, she comes after Maria – I mean, way after – doesn’t she know what a pog she is? Melissa comes first, then me, then Rhonda, then Maria and then Cheryl comes after. Way after. And all that stuff about Darrell wanting to talk to her and not me was bullshit. They couldn’t talk natural with each other, but she reckons that she acts more natural with Darrell than I do. BULLSHIT!!! There’s no way in the world he’d be wrapped in a fugly, pog mole like her, and it shits me that she thinks she’s got even a half chance with him. You should of heard her planning how to get him in the Tunnel of Love. It made me sick!!! If she thinks I’m going to sit with Scott and let her have Darrell, she is as stupid as she is ugly!!!! I HATE HER!!!! Apart from all those dramas, it was a grouse night.
PS. Cheryl’s mum and dad sleep in a double bed. Yuck!
Tuesday September 24th
After sport today, Darrell went home as half of the teachers were on strike. I wish that he would of stayed, even though it’s much more relaxing without him around. We had grouse fun in I.S. (stands for Integrated Studies or something, but we call it E.S. for Easy Shit cos it’s always the slack-arseyist period). No work was done at all. We just talked and laughed and acted like we really liked each other. Melissa rang up Darrell tonight and told him that I liked him (stupid bitch). Darrell said that he’d go with me if I dropped Scott. Grouse!!! What should I do? I mean, Scott’s never done anything bad to me. I just never see him. I don’t want to go with Darrell so I suppose hanging onto Scott is the only solution. Cheryl and me had three and a half fights today. One was about Darrell cos she reckons I’m wrapped in him behind her back, which I can’t help. The other one was about Pauline and Fiona, these grouse non-moley girls, who want to join our good group. Cheryl doesn’t want them to. Oh, yeah, as if it’s up to her. Then she was whispering to Maria at lunchtime just to make me spew, which I didn’t. The half one was when I asked Cheryl to bring my American Grafitti record to school tomorrow. She’d better bring that record or I’ll kick her out of the good group and let Pauline and Fiona in. I nearly told her that too. I bet she just wants to make me forget about it so that she can keep it. Mum and Dad were yelling at each other again tonight. She got some work to do at home to get some more money and Dad thinks she’s making out like he’s a no-hoper and can’t support his family. He reckons he’s King Ping. So Mum waits til he goes to bed to start. I HATE IT!!! She’s upstairs right now banging on that bloody typewriter and it drives me mental. And by the way Anne, my stupid sister, I know you’re reading this so just butt out of my private life. I’ve known you’re a big nose sticky fingered bitch ever since you stole my David Cassidy picture when I was but a 12 year old crazed fan and now I can’t even keep a diary! ELOM!
Wednesday September 25th
Darrell is wrapped in me, I know it for sure, because he told everyone to tell me he was. But I still don’t want to go with him. I don’t know why really; it’s probably because then I’ll have nothing to not have. Or maybe it’s because I’m such a loyal friend to Cheryl. I talked to him a bit today. If I can only imagine that we’re not wrapped in each other, it would much easier for me to talk to him. Everybody’s telling me to break up with Scott, but I won’t until I find a good reason. Plus, I know I can sound like I love myself to you, Diary, but how can I try to get Darrell when Scott is still wrapped in me, which I know he is. I hate my mum and dad who fight when other people are here. It’s embarrassing and I didn’t know where to look when Michael was over, so he goes “come on, let’s go down the creek”. So we went down the creek and we sat on a log and didn’t say much. I was worried about what was happening at home. Then Dad didn’t let me watch Number 96 (he never does cos it’s non-suitable) so I had to go to bed and him and Mum got started again, I think it’s about money. I HATE IT! Darrell, please love me as I do you.
Thursday September 26th
There was no school today cos of Show Day so I had nothing to do except go to Cheryl’s house. You should see how much she loves herself, that bitch. Cheryl is going to have a party so she can get on with Darrell. She is a stinky selfish bitch to love him when she knows I do. Why can’t she be after Scott? She knows I don’t like him, even though he’s my boyfriend and it would take care of all my problems if she would con onto him and make him be unfaithful to me. Then we could break up and he’d be the one feeling guilty and not me. Then I could get on with Darrell. But, oh, no, she has to go for the boy I really like. I HATE HER!!! She is the most selfish person in the world and she only ever thinks of herself.
PS. Nana died.
Friday September 27th
Every secret about me and Darrell was revealed today. Maria had Science with Darrell this morning and she told me everything that Darrell said about him being in love with me. Then at lunchtime Darrell went and sat up on the seat while I was sitting on the step. Rhonda called out to me “Darrell’s here”. I ignored her. Darrell and me both try to act natural but gee it’s hard. I can’t imagine what it would be like actually going with Darrell now we are older and more mature. I don’t want to. If only I hadn’t opened my big mouth to everyone about me being wrapped in him. I will never stop loving Darrell. I told Maria today that I wanted to marry Darrell, which I do. We’ll be schooling together until Form 6! Please, talk to me, Darrell. I love you so very much, but I won’t go with you.
Saturday September 28th
It was Nana’s funeral today and fair dinkum it shitted me the way Auntie Deb and Auntie Ruth (Dad’s sisters) and them were bawling, and you couldn’t half tell it was just to get attention. Even Dad acted like a grieving person. What shits me is they didn’t even try to hide they were bullshitting cos later on at Auntie Ruth’s house they were all laughing like they didn’t even feel bad at all, so I don’t know who they thought they were fooling. FOOLERS!!! The good thing was that Mum was rubbing Dad’s back in the church. Seeing her being nice to him made me think that wouldn’t it be great if someone died every day so my mum and dad always had something on their minds other than fighting and upsetting me. But then I’d have to go to a funeral every day and put up with my phoney relatives. Them pretending to be sad over Nana upset me, not that I let anyone know. I’m the strong one out of us kids. (Bob is the sensitive one and Anne is the pretty one), so I have to keep that going. Plus I didn’t want to be like them drama-queens, so ha-ha, I am the only one who acted natural.
Sunday September 29th
I HATE MY WHOLE FAMILY! This morning my bloody idiot, ugly, stupid, stiff-haired brother was making his seal noise right outside my bedroom door. So I got stuck into belting him and Mum tells ME off. She reckons that no-one should have to sneak around the house after 11.00 am. Dad didn’t even care that I probably broke my arm on Bob’s head. He just called me Big Chief Crazy Horse, which he calls me all the time and I HATE IT!! He always sticks up for Bob and he doesn’t even try to hide that he loves his precious son more than me. He takes Bob and Bob’s best mate, Grubby, to every South Melbourne game EVERY BLOODY SATURDAY and he does nothing with me. Not that I’d want to. Dad even named Bob after that player Little Bobby Skilton and he makes out that Bob is just as tremendous as him AND HE’S NOT!!!! Anne was a bitch to me and I’ll bet both my bloody parents wish they never had me. I bet Dad named me after someone he HATES! I stayed in my room all day. Grandma took up my summer uniform with her bloody Parkinson’s hands, and it’s not only a shit job, but it’s still too long. I knew Mum would move the bloody pins down. So I’m going to take it up now without Mum knowing. If she wants to fight with Dad all the time and make me feel bad, then HA-HA! she just has to deal with me wearing a short uniform. I will tell her that too. Let’s see her try and get out of that one!!
Later: I hope Grandma doesn’t die before the guilt of picking on her Parkinson’s hands wears off. It should be about 2 and a bit days. Not that I’m saying she should die after 2 and a bit days, just not before. Make it a week just in case.
Later: She did a good job on my uniform, so I don’t think I’ll take it up.
Monday September 30th
In English today Bevan and Cheryl wrote that I loved Darrell on the blackboard. Darrell and me saw it and I turned to him and shook my head like I was better than them, which I am. Everyone thinks they know the answer to my love life. They can get nicked. Me and Darrell were doing a play for English where we were husband and wife and I had to say all of this mushy stuff about how I loved him and I asked him to kiss me. If we were acting it out for real instead of reading it, I wouldn’t have known what to do. Cheryl was giving me evil looks all the way through it, and she went up to Michael after and told him about the play and goes “I don’t think there was much acting involved” or some crap like that. Everyone was saying that me and Darrell were wrapped in each other all day, but Bevan reckons that Darrell isn’t, because he was having a good old talk to him at recess, and Darrell said he wouldn’t piss in my ear if my brain was on fire. I don’t know if I was sad or relieved. I was something anyway. None of the girls want Pauline and Fiona in the good group because they reckon they’ll turn the boys off us (they are pretty ugly, especially Pauline). I told my good group girls that they had to let them in or I would leave, and they all shit themselves. It doesn’t hurt to have some nice girls in with us and we can teach them all about being popular, like us. Or like me anyway.
Tuesday October 1st
Big bloody news today, Diary. First, Pauline and Fiona are in the good group and it’s the best thing. For them. The worst thing ever is this. Mr Reece got sprung screwing some Form 4 dag-mole and he’s been kicked out of the school and he might not even be allowed to teach again. The chick was really crying and everything and her parents were there and they were carrying on spastically too. A scuffle even broke out! IT’S SHOCKING!! JUST AWFUL!! Now Mr Cavanagh will never go for me, not now he knows he’ll get kicked out of teaching and I can’t see him wanting to chuck it in… not for a while anyway. Oh, well, I will just have to admire him from afar and make do with loving Daryl, Darrell and Scott and whoever else comes along, like that Harvey guy, whoever he turns out to be.
Wednesday October 2nd
Nothing happened at school today cos our boys went off to some other school to play footy or cricket or something. Paul got Karen so he is hanging around with her Skyhooks moley group all the time now. Our boys had better not follow him or else!!!
Later: Guess what????!!!!! Cheryl just rang, and I cannot tell you how much I HATE THAT BITCH!!!! She said that she rang Darrell and he said he would be on with her at the party if there was no-one else, and that he wouldn’t be on with me because I’m going with Scott. Shit! Why does Scott have to ruin everything? She also told me that she has invited Michael and some other dags. Bitch! She knows I can’t act like a mole in front of Michael. Now that I think about it, do I really want to go to her party? If I have to act sweet all night, what’s the point? So I shall not go. Ha! Let’s see how good her party is without me.
Sunday October 6th
Last night was Cheryl’s party and was it ever GROUSE!!!! This is who went: Me, Melissa, Scott, Darrell, Dino, Michael, Bevan, Maria, Rhonda, Pauline and Fiona, fugly (Cheryl), of course, and some other dag friends of Michael’s (Feather and them). In the beginning it was boring because everyone just sat there not doing anything. I sat next to Scott and he had his arm around me, but I kept looking over at Darrell and then kept looking away when he looked back at me. The good thing was that when I looked away, he kept looking at me with a sexy look on his face. Cheryl’s mum and dad finally left us in peace and that’s when the grouseness started. Bevan took me off privately and said that Darrell wanted to be on with me. I said “what about Scott?” He said that Scott didn’t care because he wanted to sample Melissa anyway. I was that relieved. Then we played spin the bottle. First the bottle went on Michael and Maria and I thought he’d just give her a peck, but they kissed for 1 minute and 27 seconds and he even looked like he knew what he was doing – his mouth was open and everything. It was a surprise and left me feeling strange… like I didn’t know him. Then the bottle landed on Darrell and Cheryl and he gave her a real short one. She said the rule is that you have to kiss longer than the people who kissed before, but he laughed and told her to “fuck off”. Everyone laughed. Then the bottle landed on me and Darrell. I wanted to do long ones, especially cos Gary Glitter’s sexy song Rock’ n Roll was on, but I couldn’t because of Michael being there. Melissa and Scott did real long ones too, which shit me a bit when he’s supposed to be my boyfriend. I am out of love with Scott anyway. I don’t know what made me wrapped in him in the first place. I bet I wasn’t at all. Bevan and Rhonda didn’t play because they are going together in a loyal way so they just did long ones galore all night. I am convinced that Darrell is the one for me for sure. Me and Darrell went off on our own and pashed privately, and I love him. Please, Diary, make Scott drop me and make Darrell ask me. Soon!
Later: God, why does my life have to be so full of dramas? So much has happened around here today I don’t know where to start. First, Michael came over to talk about the party and I was shitty with him for kissing Maria with passion. Now I’ll bet he thinks he’s Mr Experience. I can tell you this, Diary, because you know I’m not being unfaithful to Darrell or Scott, but I wish that much the bottle hand landed on me and Michael so I could of sampled him first. I hate it that Maria’s had him and I haven’t, even though he’s with the brains-group. Now she’ll probably think she’s Mrs King-Ping! She’s a POG WOG! Michael went home pretty soon, which shit me too, but I guess I can understand it because I did tell him to fuck off home. Then Melissa came over. She told me that she’s wrapped in Scott and that he gave her two tongueys last night. I was that shitty and I asked her if she answered him. She said “no”. Then when she went home I rang Scott and asked him if Melissa answered his tongueys and he said “yes”. What a fucken mole that slut Melissa is! I told Scott that if he wanted to go around giving other girls tongueys, then he might as well drop me. He said he didn’t want to drop me because I was still the best kisser out of everyone, which I know I am. So we are still going together. Now I think about it, do I really want Scott now that Melissa has turned him into a sex-starved maniac?
Later: Cheryl came over and we were watching this grouse movie called Gidget Goes to Hawaii, then she had to ruin my enjoyment of the movie by bursting into non-bullshit tears. We had to go to my room for privacy from Anne, right when it was the best bit in the movie. She told me she loves Darrell that much and I had to feel sorry for her, so I told her I wouldn’t be after him anymore so that she could have him. Not that he’d want her. Cheryl and me made a deal to tell each other everything. Then she asked me if Darrell gave me tongueys. I had to say “no”, cos he didn’t, but I only wish I was lying. I love Darrell and I’m so ashamed of it. My God, what am I going to do? How can I take Darrell away from my best friend? She has nothing else to live for! Please, Diary, make her go off him so I can re-live the splendour of his lips touching mine. Until then, I will have to live life with a broken heart.
Monday October 7th (SPECIAL DAY!!)
Diary, have I got news for you today. I hitched up my uniform and it is so short it looks grouse. I wore bright orange undies, and you can see the colour through my dress and Darrell kept saying something about that all the time, but in a good way, and I knew then that he was really in love with me. I had Woodwork last period. I was looking out the window, and I saw Scott walking across the oval (he cuts through our school on the way home from the tech school). Melissa told me it was a good time to do it, so I told Bevan to go and tell Scott to ring me tonight so he could drop me. Scott said “tell her to save the phone call and that I’ve dropped her now”. Great! Then after school Darrell got Bevan to tell me that he was wrapped in me and would I go with him if he asked me. I said “yes” so then Darrell came over and asked me. I guess I was mad for saying “yes”, but I had to because I am so wrapped in him. Of course, Cheryl cracked the shits that much, and she didn’t talk to me all the way home. Cheryl’s a bitch. Why should I suffer because she’s ugly? It’s her fault she was born that way, not mine! Darrell rang me up tonight and he told me that he’s been wrapped in me ever since he dropped me last year. He said that I was the best kisser and we spoke mainly about the party and how we were wrapped the bottle landed on us. He asked if I was getting randy and I asked what that means. I love how funny I am. Then I rang up Scott, and I asked him if he’s still wrapped in me. He said “no”, but I think that was just because he knows I’m going with Darrell now. I spoke on the phone all night. This is the order of the people: Melissa, Darrell, Darrell, Scott, Scott (but I just hung up on him as soon as he answered), Melissa, Darrell. I’m so glad that I’m going with Darrell. All that stuff I said about not wanting to go with Darrell was true at the time but not anymore. I’m wrapped to the back eyeballs in Darrell and I’m never going to make him drop me. Tomorrow I have lots of classes with Darrell and I can’t wait.
Wednesday October 9th
How grouse is my life? First I go with Darrell and then he treats me as if he really loves me. I just can’t describe how happy I am. In German, he ignored me the whole time, but in a good way, and I could really tell that he loves me. At lunchtime he was leaning against me and I had my arm around his stomach. His arms were crossed and on top of my arm. In I.S. he sat real close to me while we were reading the paper together. I linked my arm with his when we walked out of the room too. He hurt his ankle and his finger and I kissed it better. His lips are all cracked and he blames me for it. But he’s only mucking around. At lunchtime, we carried on romantically – he sat next to me on the step and he put his arm around me and I put mine around him too. Then me, Rhonda and Melissa wagged and went over Cheryl’s joint. Darrell, Scott and Bevan came over at about 3.00. At first me and Darrell just had our arms around each other, and we were watching Melissa and Scott, and Bevan and Rhonda kissing. Then Darrell and me got started. We just kissed at first, but after a while our kisses meant much more. When we weren’t kissing we were resting our heads against one another and Darrell kept kissing me on the cheek. I found it hard to stop kissing. He gave me a tongue kiss. I wanted to answer him, but I’ve never done one before and I thought he would think I was a mole. He put his fingers under the elastic of my pants and had his hand nearly at my bra strap. I’m that wrapped in Darrell it’s non-believable, but I know that he would never return such a strong love for me. Cheryl was really shitty because she was the only one with no-one to kiss. I felt sorry for her, so I gave up pashing and we mucked around outside, playing cricket with Bob. Diary, please let things be good between me and Darrell and make sure he doesn’t try to poke me.
Saturday October 12th
Oh, Diary, it’s horrible. I will start from the beginning. We had Netball in the morning. We beat Airport West, which shit me because now we might get into the finals and that’s it for Luna Park. Dino was going to ask Melissa up at the shops, but he jibbed it, so he asked her down the milkbar and she said “yes”, even though she wants Scott to ask her. I played Sherbet records in my room and prayed that Darrell wouldn’t come over after tea because Dad and Mum were at each other. They were really yelling, then I heard a slap. I thought Dad hit Mum so I ran into the kitchen and he had her by the shoulders and I told him not to hit my mother! He said she hit him, but I ran off to my room (I wasn’t crying) and then the fight got even worse. They were going mental. Next thing, Michael’s mum came over. I think she must’ve heard the fighting and I couldn’t hear what she was saying but she definitely said something about upsetting the children. Dad went off for a drive and I could hear Mum bawling and Michael’s mum stuck around to look after her I think. Anne and Bob were crying and they were worried Dad would be killed in a car crash. I’m not crying. I am the strong one.
Later: Dad still hasn’t come home. I hope he hasn’t been killed or brain-damaged in a car crash.
Later: I have decided that I am going to marry a French man because Aussies are a pack of boozers.
Later: I hope Michael’s mum doesn’t tell Michael about the big fight.
Later: Dad just got home so he hasn’t been killed. I can hear heaps of banging around upstairs but I don’t think it’s fighting. It’s scary.
Sunday October 13th
You know all the banging around last night? It was Dad moving his bed into the spare room. Mum spent all day cleaning all the shit out for him. Melissa and Cheryl came over. We played records upstairs and made up dances to Dizzy Miss Lizzy and Can the Can. Melissa is the best dancer out of us three, followed by me then Cheryl. We went to the park later and played on the swings. Melissa might be having a party (grouse), so she can get on with Scott again. And now Cheryl reckons she wants to be with Scott. I hope Scott does go for Cheryl and not Melissa. I don’t want him to be with anyone who he might love more than me. I love parties especially when I’ll be with Darrell. I’m still as wrapped in him as before. I went to the movies tonight to see For Pete’s Sake with Michael and Michael’s mum then we went back to their joint. I showed Michael my locket. I’ve cut out Darrell’s face from a photo and put it in it. Then later on I looked in the locket, and Michael had drawn an ugly face and put it over Darrell’s face. I laughed and then I felt unfaithful. I wish my family were more like Michael’s. He’s an only child and his father’s dead.
Monday October 14th
Guess what? Scott has moved to our school now. You should have seen all the girls all over him. He acted like he was King Ping. It was good knowing I’m the only girl who’s been his girlfriend. Melissa is still wrapped in Scott even though she’s going with Dino. She asked me to tell him, so I did, and he told me that he’s wrapped in her too. Shit! I tried to turn him off her and onto Cheryl, but he didn’t like that idea very much. It was fun today in I.S. at lunchtime. Cheryl and the rest of the girls in her English did a play and they had to have false boobs which were balloons filled with water. I think she was showing off in front of Scott. Darrell and me kept linking arms and he leaned on me. Then Darrell got in a shit at lunchtime because Michael wrote me a letter. He ripped it up before I got a chance to read it, which I didn’t mind because it would have been filled with brainy shit anyway. Darrell couldn’t stop staring at me all day. I think he wanted to kiss me, but he jibbed out. I love Darrell so much. He’s not even that handsome.
Tuesday October 15th
I didn’t have German today worst luck, but I did have fun at lunchtime. Every time a girl swore her boyfriend had to kiss her on the cheek, and every time the boy swore the girl had to kiss him. I kissed Darrell on the cheek 3 times and when I swore he kissed me on the lips. Cheryl felt left out and kept making up new rules that some swear words were not swear words, like “box” and “norks”. Dino heard that Melissa was wrapped in Scott so he dropped her and then Scott asked her, so now she’s going with Scott. It won’t last. I hope he still thinks I’m a better kisser than her. I got my hair cut after school. Stupid George – it’s really short. He kept going and going. I hope Darrell doesn’t say anything about it tomorrow. He dropped Rhonda once when she got her hair cut. I hope he doesn’t drop me. I’m so nervous. Michael came over and said that it looked grouse, and Melissa said that it sounded like Michael is in love with me. He probably is, but he will never be good enough for me. I don’t mean that in a real way. I mean it in a group way. Tomorrow I am going to link arms with Darrell like I did on the 9th and the 14th.
Wednesday October 16th
Darrell hates my haircut and he wouldn’t link arms with me. He kept calling me a leso – not that I blame him because me and Melissa were kissing (only on the cheek, stupid). All through German, Darrell walked around the room in a bad mood and kept calling me “Shugly” (for “short hair cut and ugly”) and creepo. So I told him I was going to drop him, or I told Bevan to tell him I was going to. Everything got straightened out though during last period when Darrell was in a grouse mood and kept laughing. I wish he had these moods every day. I was nearly crying too cos I thought that he was going to drop me and I was dead serious too. The way he acted was really rotten. Then tonight, Darrell rang me up and he said it’s better talking to me on the phone because then he can’t see my haircut. He was only joking though. He was trying to ask me if I wanted a poke and I kept stirring him by saying that I didn’t hear what he said. He couldn’t stop laughing, but after a while I got through to him that I knew what he was saying. He reckons that I’m going to let him poke me on the camp, but I won’t and I half told him that too. We talked for about one hour, but then he realised that Michael was here and he got in the shits. He said, “I’ll bet you let Mr Maturity poke you every night.” He makes me sick but I do love it when he gets jealous. But he should know I love him and only him. He really shits me sometimes, but I do love him just the same as before. It’s quiet at home. Dad is building an extension for Man Who Walks Funny on top of his other job, so he’s not here much. It’s scary when I hear him coming down the path, cos I don’t know if it’s going to start. Oh, well, at least my outside of home life gives me something to live for.
Thursday October 17th
I didn’t say much to Darrell at school today and it wasn’t because he was in a bad mood, which he was. I just hardly saw him at all. But after school was depressing. I asked Darrell if he is trying to force Scott out of dropping Melissa. Darrell said he wouldn’t talk to Scott until I agreed to a poke. I told him that he was never getting a poke out of me and if that’s all he wanted then he’d better just drop me. He said he’d think about it. I know he was only trying to be tough in front of Bevan and Dino, but I was still sad. I felt like I hardly knew Darrell. Oh, God, why does poking have to be involved? Doesn’t he know that, once he pokes me, he’ll go off me because I will be a moley-mole and not a frigid mole? Darrell walked home my way tonight and I think he could tell something was wrong because I snobbed him the whole way home and only talked to Michael. Then he started talking to Michael really good, which shitted me when he’s supposed to be jealous of him. I guess that means he doesn’t love me anymore. He gave me a kiss goodbye and I think he wanted a longey, but I stopped before he did.
Friday October 18th
Was today ever grouse. Darrell didn’t say anything about poking, so maybe, Diary, things are getting back to normal. Dino dropped Maria today (did I tell you they were going together? Oh, well, too late now) because he loves some girl from Basketball. It’s getting around that Maria let Dino poke her, so now maybe Darrell will drop me for Maria. I thought I would care, but it was a relief to be thinking that. I went over Pauline’s joint after school with Fiona and Michael came over for a while too. We talked about a whole bunch of stuff apart from boys. I’m different around them, or maybe I’m different around the good group moles. Who is the real me? That is the question. I even told them about Mum and Dad brawling all the time and they were surprised in a caring way. Then Michael and me walked home and we pretended we were running from the cops. It was grouse. I feel a bit sad. I don’t know why. Probably something to do with Darrell. Me and Cheryl are sleeping at Melissa’s joint tonight so that will either knock the sadness out of me or make it worse.
Saturday October 19th
Mum and Dad went for a drive together today and it was scary because I think they went off to fight in peace without Michael’s mum hearing. I could tell. They are selfish to leave me here to worry about what is going on. Talk about a grouse night last night. Me and Cheryl went over to sleep at Melissa’s joint and Darrell and Scott came over too. Melissa and Scott were lying on the bed and Darrell and me were kissing on the floor, next to the bed and Cheryl was watching us with a shitty look on her face. Then Melissa’s dad came home and yelled at the boys to go home. So they did. But they came back through Melissa’s bedroom window at 2.04 in the morning. The four of us were in the single bed. Darrell was on top of me and Scott was on top of Melissa. We gave each other tongue kisses. Oh boy. I really let him go to town, but I got control of myself. I couldn’t stop kissing but I wish he wouldn’t kiss me so much. Too much sickens me and the spit starts to stink. They snuck out again at 3.00 am, because Cheryl was left out and started saying she wanted to get some sleep. I guess I would hate for that to happen to me, not that it ever would. I’m convinced that I’m more wrapped in Darrell than in anyone else in the world. Scott gave Melissa a grouse love bite but it shows really a lot, and her dad’s going to spew at her.
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