MY TRUE ESSENCE
by Shawneda Marks
copyright 2011 Shawneda Marks
Smashwords Edition
Chapter One
“I’m not sure I understand exactly what it is you mean?” Rebecca’s demeanor fell as she held the phone Dani released Rebecca’s long tresses from the flat iron and placed the instrument back in the oven.
Rebecca placed one finger in the air. She pointed to the frosted glass doors and rose from the salon chair. Dani’s Diva Den was her place of refuge. Whenever she had a hard week or an unbearable client, she made an appointment with the on-site masseuse. If she wanted to get spruced up for a night on the town with Colby she would let Dani tame her exotic curls to complement her heart shaped face.
The modern colors and bright salon chairs lost their luster a bit as she stepped out onto the hot Houston sidewalk. Oblivious to the odd stares of the pedestrians who shook their heads at her half curly, wet hair and half thick, pressed hair, her focus stayed on the call. She pressed the cell phone so close to her ear it pinched the back of her ear.
“You can’t think this is funny, Mama. You’ve never been one to play practical jokes. I know I haven’t come to see you like I promised but this is unnecessary. I’ll fly home next week. Let me clear my calendar.”Rebecca’s voice caught in her throat. “I don’t believe you. That’s impossible. Aunt Marisol can’t have breast cancer. It doesn’t even run in our family. I need to call you back.”
Dani opened the doors and waved for Rebecca to come back inside. Rebecca knew her legs were moving but didn’t know how. Breast cancer was something that happened to other people’s families.
Not hers. The people in her family were healthy eaters and active. It didn’t make sense. She had to figure out a way to fix this.
“Is everything all right?” Dani sat Rebecca back down in her chair, picking up the hair she released before Rebecca walked out of the salon. She blew on the irons before she passed them over the strands of her hair.
“My favorite aunt is in the last stage of her second bout with breast cancer. They believe it has already spread and she has only been given a few months to live.” Rebecca clasped and unclasped her hands in her lap. “How can I go celebrate my wedding anniversary when my Aunt is dying? Colby is gonna have to get over it but I have to leave.”
“Becca, you need to calm down and just allow yourself a moment to think about what you’re saying. You have two big ad campaigns and you’re courting FA Square. You don’t have time to fly off to New York. Especially since you can’t do anything about what is going on…you’re a Christian not the Christ.” Dani patted the last hair she finished pressing. “You need to pray for her and thank God for that fine man you got at home and remind him why he needs to do the same for you.”
Rebecca looked past Dani at the large mirror in front of her. She stared at the artwork reflected from the wall behind them and smiled. It had been a great year with Colby and she was being a bit emotional. She did need to put it in God’s hand. Had he ever failed her? Of course, he would heal her Aunt Marisol. It was Aunt Marisol who said she’d been praying for her after she left New York. Rebecca remembered how Aunt Marisol gave her life to God while Rebecca was married to her first husband and she remembered how she prayed for Rebecca to have the strength to leave him.
“I see those wheels turning in there. You know I’m right. Now, we gotta get your face right. Let Sheila take you in the back and get your nails done while Beth hooks up your make up.” Dani pulled the cape off of Rebecca and brushed her off with the “hair broom.”
“Thanks, girl. I’m so glad Toney brought me here before she moved to Atlanta. God knows I wouldn’t know what to do without you.” Rebecca hugged Dani before following the tall, statuesque, deep brown woman to the back of the salon.
“You know I’m immortal so you’ll never have to worry about it. “ Dani pulled her motorcycle helmet from beneath her stylist station. “I’m going to the bank. I’ll be back before you leave so we can pray for your Auntie so stop frowning. You gotta stay cute for Colby.”
Rebecca smiled and wiggled her fingers as Dani pulled a white and fuchsia mesh reinforced riding jacket from the coat tree next to the door. She lifted a prayer for her friend to be safe on her bike. Even if Dani didn’t know it, Rebecca was well aware that her friend and stylist was not immortal.
***
Rebecca dabbed the handkerchief to her forehead as she smiled at the older white haired man sitting next to Jenessa Armstrong. Rebecca’s husband looked at her with a raised eyebrow and handed her a cup of water. In place of the handkerchief he took the remote control for the overhead projector and gently guided her to the opposite side of the room.
“Ms. Armstrong, I believe you’ll find the information we have presented is above the expectations you have for the current marketing and advertising you have in place now. Our average ROI for a campaign on the scale we have presented with modest results is closer to forty five percent. Our most successful to date is seventy five percent. That client is still using the main commercials and online components of that plan today. We update it every three months for a reasonable fee.” Colby curled his lips into a half smile. “We included the contact information for that hotel in Vegas as a reference, with their encouragement to do so.”
“Thank you Mr. Thorn. You have shown us enough to know what to expect. I’ll meet with my colleagues and we’ll get back to you by the end of the week.” Ms. Armstrong stood along with the other gentleman and two younger associates sitting around the table. “I would like to ask you and your wife a few more detailed questions in my office if no one else has anything.”
The standing executives still in the room shook their heads. Each person shook Colby’s hand and nodded to Rebecca still propped on the wall behind the projector. Rebecca gave a weak smile in return, between sips of water. She prayed that her face didn’t look as flush as it felt. It had been ages since she’d been sick but the pressure of her new accounts, missing three weeks in the gym, a steady diet of fast food, and restaurant delivery to the office, and working late left her immune system compromised.
“Mrs. Thorn I’ll send my assistant to bring you once you’ve finished gathering your things. Mr. Thorn please follow me this way.” Ms. Armstrong turned and walked down a corridor with Rebecca’s husband close behind.
Colby shrugged before he followed the short shapely woman out of the room. Rebecca was not at all threatened or concerned. She prayed the woman was not one of those bitter black women, upset because Colby had chosen to marry a Latino woman. It didn’t happen as much as it used to but she would never grow comfortable with the hate she felt in some of the stares they received in public.
With all of her media storage and equipment packed up and placed in her roll away she rested against the wall and finished the water in the cup Colby handed her. A tall woman appeared at the door with a scowl on her face. There was that look she knew so well, pure unwarranted animosity. It was futile to point out she hadn’t ever dated outside of her race or considered marrying a black man before she met Colby. Women with the attitude of Ms. Armstrong’s assistant were too nasty to be persuaded to think rationally. How could they know it was a God thing that brought them together, that their love was God’s way of showing them what love is daily? She couldn’t, so Rebecca decided not to allow the assistant’s nasty attitude to take anymore of her mental real estate.
The assistant knocked and opened the door to Ms. Armstrong’s office without looking back at Rebecca or speaking. With a sigh Rebecca entered the room and attempted a smile at Colby and Ms. Armstrong. Before she could reach the chair she felt the room begin to spin and she felt her husband’s arms around her waist before everything went black.
***
Rebecca opened her eyes when she felt the cool wet napkin on her forehead. She placed her hand on top of her husband’s and smiled. Her eyes flew open when she remembered they were still in the FA Square building and in the office of the woman who held the fate of their firm in her hand. “Ms. Armstrong, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t feeling well this morning and I didn’t believe it was this serious. I apologize for this. I hope it won’t be held against the firm.”
“It’s Jenessa and no it won’t” Ms. Armstrong looked at Colby first and then looked back to Rebecca. “I believe it just solidified what I thought about you two and you should be expecting a signed contract for the campaign. Anyone who has your dedication and work ethic needs to be on our team.”
“Thank God.” Rebecca let her eyes close. “Excuse me, thank you. We look forward to working with you.”
“Were there any other questions you had for us, Ms. Armstrong?” Colby gave Rebecca one of his brief get it together stares then turned and smiled at Ms. Armstrong.
“I’ll email you Mr. Thorn. No need to worry about your wife’s statement. We need all the Jesus in this corporation we can get.” Ms. Armstrong gave them a genuine look of concern. “I hope you feel better. You look like you’re coming down with that nasty flu making its end of spring rebound.”
“I’ll take her by her doctor when we leave here.” Colby stood up and helped Rebecca by the arm as she grabbed her head and wobbled. He offered his other hand as Rebecca’s hand shot out.
“I have to thank you for your understanding. Let me treat you to a day at Dani’s Diva Den. She has the best staff and facilities this side of Houston.” Rebecca pulled a card for the salon and spa out of her purse. After writing something on the back of the card she handed it to Ms. Armstrong.
“Alright, but only if you come with me. I’ve been looking for a new stylist since mine moved out of town.” Ms. Armstrong smiled as Colby opened the door.
Colby shook his head and smiled.
“Well if that is the only way,” Rebecca smiled at Colby.
They all laughed as they walked out of Ms. Armstrong’s office. Ms. Armstrong walked in front of them and led them to the elevator.
Colby extended his hand towards Ms. Armstrong. “It has been pleasure speaking with you. We hope to hear from you soon, Ms. Armstrong.”
“Please call me, Jenessa. You should expect those papers by the end of the week.” Ms. Armstrong shook his hand and patted Rebecca on the shoulder. “Now get her to the doctor and back to 100 percent. We have a lot of work to do.”
The elevator doors opened. Rebecca smiled at Ms. Armstrong. She stepped on as Colby held the doors open for her. Rebecca sighed as she let her head rest on her husband’s shoulder. She hated going to doctors.
***
Rebecca flopped back into the passenger seat. Colby closed the door and tapped the hood as he ran around to the driver’s side of the SUV. Three days of bed rest with no work was Rebecca’s worst nightmare. Sitting at home in bed alone was not her idea of a good time.
“I know you think you’re gonna hate this but I promise you I’ll be in from the office as soon as I can each day. I’ll check on you at lunch too.” Colby said. He picked her hand up and kissed the back if it. “You’ll be better in no time.”
Rebecca’s cell phone rang at that moment, DANI and a silly picture of her flashed up at Rebecca. Without a second thought Rebecca pressed the talk button and placed the phone to her ear. “Hey chica, how is everything?”
“I’m good. Just wanted you to know before you came in that the lady from FA Square called and told me to schedule her with you for her spa day. Also I had a little spill on the bike. Nothing serious, just a little pummeled skin. I’m going in to see the doctor because it’s still sore and starting to look a little gross.” Dani said.
“Arghh, how I wish you would just drive that little green machine you bought instead of that pink monster you love torturing me with. How fast were you going when you spilled?” Rebecca rolled her eyes and mouthed Dani’s name to Colby.
Colby started the engine, chuckled and shook his head.
“You don’t worry about all of that. I’ll be seeing the doctor tomorrow. We’re still on for skating Friday right?” Dani said.
“No I have this stupid flu so we’ll have to rain check on the skating until next week.” Rebecca’s line beeped. MAMA and a picture of her mother flashed on the screen. “Hey Dani, that’s my mom I have to go, I’ll check on you tomorrow. Bye.”
“Becca, I wanted to call you before your uncle or cousin told you. I’m flying back home with Aunt Marisol so she can be with the family and be comfortable for her last few months.”
“How can you make a decision like that at the spur of the moment? Who’s going to look after your affairs in New York? What am I supposed to do if I need to talk to you? Can you wait until next week before you do anything? I can’t get a flight out until then.” Rebecca tapped her finger on the door of the SUV.
“Alright, Becca I’ll wait, but you’re not changing my mind. I talked to the same God you do. We’re taking this trip home for Marisol to be comfortable and tie up loose ends before she dies.” Her mother sighed into the phone.
“Mama, I have to go, I’ll call you with my flight details.” Tears welled up in Rebecca’s eyes. “I love you, Mama, bye.”
Colby placed his hand on Rebecca’s knee. “Is everything okay?”
Tears rolled down Rebecca’s cheeks as she gently shook her head. She looked out of the window. “No, my mother thinks my aunt is dying.” Rebecca turned and looked at Colby. Then she grabbed his hand. “We need to fly to New York, Colby.”
***
Colby strummed his fingers on the steering wheel. His finger itched to turn the ignition but instead he tapped out an abstract beat.
“Could you puhleeze stop making that noise. I need to get home to pack and fly to New York.” Rebecca looked at him. She rolled her eyes before looking out of the window at the other cars in the parking deck.
Colby cut his eyes at his wife then wiped his wet palms on the top of his trousers. He prayed for God to give him the right words and tone when he opened his mouth.
“Are you going to start the car so we can go home? Please. Have you heard a word I said? We have to get to New York to stop my mother.” Rebecca sighed.
“I’m going to give you a second to calm down before we continue this conversation. “ Colby turned the key in the ignition and turned on the air conditioning. He prayed again because he could see his wife’s chest rise and fall faster and faster which meant she was getting more upset by the second. As he put the car in reverse Rebecca placed her hand on top of his.
“I’m not upset with you I just need to get home to my mother. I can’t let her go back to the Dominican Republic. She is all I have in the states.” Rebecca wiped a tear from her cheek.
“What am I Rebecca? I understand you’re upset but I’m your family now. I don’t want your mom to go either but she is a grown woman. She hears God’s voice just like you do.” Colby cleared his throat. “The doctor just ordered you to stay home and rest. No work. That also means no New York.”
“And just who is going to stop me from going to New York?” Rebecca’s voice rose two octaves as she unlatched her seatbelt and shifted her body to face Colby.
“I’m not about to try to talk to you when you’re like this. How about God is going to stop you? We were just in the doctor’s office because you fainted in a client’s office. Becca, you aren’t going anywhere.” Colby put the car in reverse and backed out of the parking space.
“I’d like to see you stop me.”Rebecca put her seatbelt back on and crossed her arms. “I would really like to see you stop me.”
“You have me confused with your ex-husband if you think I’m going to try to control you or explode on you. You wanna go traipsing off to New York? Go right ahead.” Colby shifted to drive and pulled to the curb and waited for a moment to enter the flow of traffic.
“So you think I wanted Antony to hit me? I can’t believe you said something that stupid to me. I don’t care what I said it was never his place to beat me or try to run my life. Don’t think because I’m saved now I’m going to let you do it Colby Lawrence Thorn, ring or no ring. You are not the boss of me. I answer to one God alone and his name is not Colby.” Rebecca crossed her left leg over her right knee and leaned as far away from Colby as possible in the passenger seat.
“I never asked you to answer to me, and while you’re answering to God why don’t you let him know I didn’t sign up for marriage to a stubborn, bitter, woman afraid to allow her husband to take care of her and love her like Christ loved the church. Don’t try to turn this on me Rebecca. I’ve never tried to control you and I never will. Don’t listen to me or the doctor, fine. Don’t call me from New York to come get your sick behind out of the hospital, either.” Colby turned onto the street and turned the radio on to the local gospel station. His prayer seemed to go out of the window so he decided to let it stay there. The constant battle to love Rebecca over the last few weeks was beginning to wear him down. He turned the volume up to drown out the sound of his wife mumbling in Spanish under her breath.
Chapter Two
Dani eased her top back on over a pink camisole. Bras were too painful since she fell off of her bike and slid across the pavement. She had thanked God at least a thousand times for her helmet after being picked up off the side of the road by an off duty police officer. The dip in the road hadn’t been there the year before so she didn’t maneuver her bike well when the concrete lowered. The next thing she remembered were her gloved hands being grabbed by the state trooper.
Dr. Justin walked into the room and sat down on the backless chair next to the exam table. He opened the folder with the first three letters of her last name printed in orange. A white slip of paper with what looked like chicken scratch fell to the floor. A slight smile came and went across Dr. Justin’s face and Dani crossed her ankles and tapped the back of her foot against her sling back.
“Well, what’s the prescription Doc?” Dani eased down from the table until her she was more leaning against it than sitting.
“I want you to make an appointment to follow up with a specialist at Dr. Thompson’s office. Her name is Dr. Goodman. She is one of the best in her field and she’ll be able to give you a definitive diagnosis.” Dr. Justin handed her the slip of paper that fell to the floor.
“Why do I need a second opinion for a couple of bruises? Just hook me up with some cream and I’ll be healed up and on my way. I’ve already purchased a protective shield so if I fall off Bubbles I won’t bruise like this again.” Dani chuckled.
“Dr. Thompson is an oncologist. I found some rather odd lumps and the discoloration from the fall is not normal, Danielle. There is a high probability you have breast cancer and Dr. Goodman is the best diagnostic radiologist in the area. She’s part of an awesome team dedicated to nothing but breast cancer.” Dr. Justin stood up. “I could be incorrect and the tissue has just hardened from the bruising but I’d rather you get a second opinion. Give the note to the coordinator on the way out to make your appointment for Dr. Thompson’s office and a follow up appointment with me after you see them. Make it for no more than a month from now.”
Dani felt her head bob up and down but couldn’t feel her legs moving beneath her. She was not old enough to have breast cancer. There was no history of it in her family and she stayed active. It did not make sense for her to need to see a breast cancer specialist. Her feet stopped in front of the coordinator’s desk and she handed the young woman the paper.
The coordinator spoke but Dani couldn’t hear her voice. She nodded as she took two small cards from the college age young lady.
“Ms. Wardeen, did you hear me?” The coordinator waved her hand in front of Dani’s face. “Are those times okay for your appointments?”
Dani blinked and looked down at the dates and times on the cards. She was scheduled to see the radiologist three days later and Dr. Justin in four weeks. Dani nodded. “Can you see if they have something earlier or later? I have two clients around that time.”
The coordinator nodded. Dani watched her type something on her keyboard. After a few moments the young lady pulled a new appointment card out and wrote the same day and a later time for Dani. “Does that work for you?”
Dani nodded and smiled as she placed both cards in the top of her purse. Seventy two hours to dooms day. She shook her head. What was she worried about? There was no way she could have cancer.
***
Dani doodled on the napkin and ignored the salad from her favorite chicken fast food restaurant. She drew multiple versions of a woman’s silhouette with and without large breasts. When her stomach growled loud enough for her to hear it she placed the pen on the napkin and picked up her sandwich. Her appetite was nowhere to be found but she wanted the growling to stop interrupting her thoughts.
“Dani,” Becca click clacked up to her formica table and placed a small briefcase in the chair next to her. “It’s good to see you spending some of that hard earned money for a change. Thou shalt not shop online exclusively!”
“I hear you.” Dani swallowed the bite of chicken and lump of tears lodged in her throat. As much as she needed someone to talk to, she couldn’t bring herself to lean on her friend. She’d been failed by women one time too many during vulnerable times in her past. “But as you can see I have no bags so it’ll be me and my budget minded browser making it happen.”
“I just gotta show you the right spots once I get back from New York. My mom is talking about flying back to the Dominican Republic and I’m not trying to hear that noise. My aunt is dying from breast cancer and wants to see everyone before she goes. I have got to find a way to talk them into coming here instead.” Becca flopped down in the chair across from Dani. “Sounds like a problem to work my way through while getting a sixty minute deep tissue massage with Chandra, while she is knocking the kinks outs of my back.”
Dani nodded and chewed fighting back tears. She hadn’t been able to lay on her stomach since the accident, and now that Dr. Thompson had confirmed she did in fact have breast cancer she wondered if she would ever be able to do anything the same again.
“Dani, are you okay?” Becca shook her head and a few strands of her curly hair escaped the corporate bun she used at times to try to tame them. “Listen to me, rattling on like I’m the only woman in the world with problems.”
“I’ll be fine, girl. I just need to get my bearings and put together a game plan. You know how I do.” Dani cleared her throat. There was no need to get upset until the doctor received the final results back from the lab. Until then she would go on with business as usual. No one had to know a thing.
“Of course I do. Just remember life is a team sport and I’m on your team. I got your back. You know all of that good stuff.”Becca stood up and stretched. She picked up the briefcase in the chair between them. “You don’t have to be strong alone, Dani. Trust me, some stuff people shouldn’t go through alone. When we try to handle everything by ourselves it changes the essence of who we are, and not in a good way.”
Dani stood up. She hugged Becca and pecked her on the cheek. “I hear you. Don’t worry, I’ll let you know when I need you.”
Chapter Three
Rebecca patted her hair and gave a brief smile to the woman staring back at her in the mirror. She was quite content with herself for not going to New York and for convincing her mom that they should return to Houston instead of going to their home country. Once she was able to get them to come, she knew they would stay. It was just a matter of convincing them again. She applied a light coat of lip gloss. “How will I ever get them to stay here?”
The mirror stared back in silence as Rebecca shrugged and placed the gloss back in her purse. She covered the handle to the door with a paper towel as she exited the ladies restroom. It was located right outside of the health ministry office at her church. She ignored the nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach and the quiet voice telling her she had not compromised at all. The paper towel landed silently at the bottom of the waste basket next to her seat.
“Rebecca Thorn,” a thin petite woman gestured for her to come into the office. “My name is Brenda Green. Please have a seat and tell me a little more about yourself and why you want to join the Breast Cancer Fundraising Committee.”
“My aunt was recently diagnosed in the last state of breast cancer and I want to help raise awareness while I learn more about the disease. I bring a great background in events and fundraising from my time in New York. During my first marriage heading up committees and lending my husband’s name and money to worthy causes was what I was expected to do.” Rebecca straightened her spine and smiled at Brenda.
“That is very commendable, and an experienced fundraiser is someone whose assistance we do desperately need. The event is almost about five months away so we are a bit behind the ball, and will require a good amount of your free time. Do you believe you’ll be able to give that?” Brenda looked at the beautiful engagement and wedding band set on Rebecca’s hand.
“Oh yes, my husband and I run a successful marketing company but he knows how important this topic is to me with my aunt’s diagnosis of late. When I heard the announcement in church on Sunday I knew that helping with this event was where I needed to be.” Rebecca relaxed and then straightened up in her chair again. Colby would not be happy to hear about her joining a ministry that would require a lot of her time so soon into their marriage, but she decided he would have to adjust.
“Great, well if you two are in agreement we would love to have you on board. I’ve looked over your profile and information. We’ll have an email sent out about the positions needing to be filled and everything coming up in the next few days.” Sister Greene rose to her feet. “Let’s go look at the information on the past fundraisers so you can get a feel for what we need.
Rebecca smiled and stood to her feet. Colby would understand right? He would have to; she had already made the decision to proceed.
***
“This is crazy, Ma. I don’t need to learn how to give myself a breast exam. I know Nana and her sister passed from breast cancer but teenagers my age don’t get breast cancer.” Dominique rolled her eyes and shook her head before crossing her arms.
“Yes they do. The youngest case of breast cancer was for a 10 year old.” Jenessa stared at her daughter’s crossed arms until she uncrossed them. “You are already at a higher risk because my mother had it. You can’t be too careful about this Dominique.”
“Yeah, she was one out of millions of children. I’m more likely to get hit by lightning than have breast cancer this young. Sheesh, mom, get a grip.” Dominique flopped back in the chair across from her mother’s exam table.
“I’ma get a grip on you if you don’t check that mouth of yours. Don’t think cause you have a few inches on me I can’t get you down. I’ll sit on you and it’ll be over.” Jenessa’s crossed ankles dangled inches from the ground. “I’m your mother not one of your little girlfriends in the street. You need to remember who you’re talking to Dominique Armstrong.”
“Yes ma’am. It really helps that you remind me every few conversations.” Dominique gave her a sarcastic smile.
Jenessa inched forward to get down from the exam table when the door opened. Dr. Justin walked in and smiled at Jenessa and then Dominique. Dominique’s entire demeanor changed when the handsome man turned to smile at her.
“Good morning, Dominique. Alright Jenessa...” Dr. Justin sat down on the backless stool with three wheels. “Hopefully it won’t be so long before you’re next visit. Now all that is left to do is your breast exam.”
“Yes, thanks for waiting for me to call my daughter in from the lobby. I want her to see how it is done. She needs to start giving the exams to herself soon.” Jenessa smiled at Dominique as if she hadn’t been ready to discipline her with a body slam and smash maneuver a few moments ago.
“Absolutely and she is also able to get her mammograms earlier because of your family history. So, lay back for me and let’s begin. Dominique, come stand on the other side of your mother for me.” Dr. Justin pointed at the empty space at the opposite side of the exam table.
Jenessa laid back and tried to relax. The years she had skipped her appointments she had not skipped any meals so she was a bit embarrassed about her weight gain. Dominique smiled at her. She relaxed a bit. Beneath the smart mouth and rolling eyes was the sweet little girl she’d loved for years.
Dr. Justin motioned for Dominique to come close to see what he was doing. He raised both hands up over his head and motioned for Jenessa to do the same. He began the exam of the left breast and paused before switching to the right. He examined the right with no hesitance.
“Jenessa, I need to reexamine your other breast again.”Dr. Justin reexamined the left breast. He offered Jenessa a hand to help her sit back up.
“Jenessa are you okay continuing your visit with Dominique here or would you like to talk once she has gone back to the waiting area?” Dr. Justin pulled out his prescription pad and sat on the backless stool.
“We can continue now. Teenagers move slowly. By the time we’re done talking she will still be in the hall.” Jenessa chuckled. She removed the top of the paper gown and put her button down top back on.
“Well, I want you to go see Dr. Goodman for a full diagnostic workup. You’ve missed the last two mammograms scheduled and I found a nice sized lump in your left breast. Have you been experiencing any discomfort or pain?” Dr. Justin handed her the piece of paper he’d been writing on.
“I…uh…lump?” Jenessa looked at her daughter briefly before looking at the floor. She knew she needed to take better care of herself. There was just never enough time. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I am. Please stop and make a follow up appointment and give this paper to the patient care coordinator. She’ll get you in this week.” Dr. Justin stood up and turned to Dominique. “Young lady, please make sure your mother goes to her follow up appointment. With your family history she cannot afford to cancel this one like she did the other ones.”
“Yes, sir.” Dominique tore her eyes from the doctor and looked at Jenessa. “I’ll make sure she makes it to these.”
“Good, your mom is busy. I know she forgot about those and had to cancel them for work meetings, but if you help her I’m sure this is an appointment she’ll make.” Dr. Justin turned and smiled at Jenessa. “No point making all of that money if you’re not gonna be here for the long haul to enjoy it. Make a follow up appointment with me after you see Dr. Goodman. Have a good afternoon, ladies.”
Jenessa eased off of the exam table. Dominique opened the door for her and led her to the patient care coordinator. Jenessa handed the note she received from Dr. Justin to the young lady who smiled at her.
“Ms. Armstrong, is Friday at 12:30 okay for you?” The young lady pushed her glasses up. “Ms. Armstrong?”
Dominique nudged Jenessa with her elbow. She picked up her mother’s smartphone and checked the calendar. Jenessa took the device from her daughter. “Pardon me. My mind drifted. Yes, Friday will be fine.”
Dominique took the phone back and entered the information for Jenessa, then accepted the appointment card from the young lady as well. Jenessa shook her head to clear her mind. They walked out into the sweltering Texas heat.
“I want ice cream. Let’s stop on the way home. I need something to eat,” Dominique said.
***
Dani plopped down in front of her computer. She wiggled the mouse and waited for the screen to light up. Air escaped her lungs and eased out of the small opening between her lips. She could not believe this had happened to her. A nightmare occurred when she went to the office and she believed she would wake up soon. Danielle refused to believe she wasn’t cancer free. She still had children to breastfeed, once she was married.
The computer processor whirred as she pulled up the web browser. Her email inbox was full of unread messages that required her attention. The natural hair show that her stylists wanted to enter was coming up. What about the battered women’s shelter “pamper and prosper day”? She was partnered with the local women’s shelter to do that one. How could she be in cancer treatment and run a fully staffed and still thriving, recession proof spa? The bottom line was that she couldn’t. So she had to believe she had been misdiagnosed. She had to get online to find out why her breasts were so bruised and why they felt like lava all the time after and even right before her little spill from Bubbles? Maybe she needed to find a less dangerous and expensive hobby than her motorcycle.
Dan tinkered around in her inbox for thirty minutes. Finally, her need for search engine intervention overshadowed the still small voice telling her not to lookup breast cancer. There were still no actual results from the lab. It could all be a misunderstanding. She was not buying it. The still small voice told her to trust Him and wait to speak with the doctor. That appointment was two weeks away. By that time she’d be bald from pulling out her hair, wondering what she may be up against.
With no formal diagnosis she pulled up her homepage and entered her symptoms: bruises, raised skin, hot breasts and mild to extreme irritation for several weeks. Her eyes crossed for a second after she read the total number of links in her search results. She poured over the pages for hours upon hours. When the dull ache in her back turned into a throbbing pain she finally stopped and stood up to stretch.
Instead of walking away from her desk, or checking to see if the last stylist locked up behind herself when she exited three hours ago, Dani continued to stare at the screen. Fear ran up and down her spine. Doubt and worry danced on her temples. This could not be happening. It didn’t matter if someone ran into the building right now. Based on what she’d read for hours, she could be a ticking time bomb. How had she let this happen? What game plan could she make for an unknown enemy? Not enough research, still in trial studies, rarest form of cancer and prevalent in younger women. Normally Dani liked being in the spotlight and loved being recognized for being unique. This was the kind of recognition she would rather do without. Her obsessive need to know everything opened the door to her fears. Mentally tormented by the possibility of having the least researched and most aggressive form of breast cancer, thoughts weighed on Dani’s mind like a ton of bricks. The four simple words she typed were found in more than one hundred and eighteen thousand web sources. For once in her life, Dani was not sure this was a battle she would win.
Chapter Four
“Hey honey,” Colby pulled his tie off as he entered their bedroom. “Missed you at dinner tonight.”
“There was another meeting for the ministry. I had to be there, Colby. You didn’t want me in New York, and I’m not going so stop with the questions.” Rebecca pulled her hair into a shower cap and pulled her robe tighter together before she tied it into a knot with the terry cloth belt.
“You’re trippin. First you miss the dinner date you asked me to come to and now you’re telling me I should be happy to get stood up because you didn’t go to New York. That wasn’t my decision to make, remember? ” Colby placed his hands on his hips and mocked Rebecca’s tone of voice. “You don’t control me. I do what I wanna do.”
“You’re not funny, Mr. Thorn. Stick to your day job.” Rebecca walked into their bathroom.
“I’d rather stick to my wife except she is never home. Maybe I should join the ministry at church. Then at least I’d see you outside of work.” Colby stepped into the bathroom and gently took Rebecca’s hand in his.
Tears welled up and sat right behind the ridge of Rebecca’s eye.
“I just want to spend some time with my wife. What is so wrong with that? Don’t you want to be happy? Don’t you want to have a good marriage? Children? How can we do that if you’re never here, Becca. C’mon, you were the one who told me I was doing too much when we were engaged. Now you’re more busy than me.”
“Colby, I have to do this. It’s just because we’re in the beginning phases of the event. Once things are moving along, we’ll be able to spend more time together. This is my way of building my aunt’s legacy and if I can talk my aunt and mom into staying and helping with the event she won’t go back to the Dominican Republic and leave me here by myself.”Rebecca shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “I need her Colby. I don’t know what I would do without her.”
“Who do you need? Your mother or your aunt? Why aren’t God and I enough to make you not feel alone if she moves a few hours away? She’d just be a plane ride away? I love your mother and your aunt but I married you. Not them. What happened to leaving your parent and cleaving to your spouse? Did you hear anything that the counselor talked about or that the couple taught us in premarital counseling?” Colby let her hand go and sat on the end of their marble tile garden bathtub.
“You weren’t involved with someone who made you their whole world and then turned on you Colby. I trust you and I know you’re not Antony but part of me is having a problem with treating anyone like family because of the abuse. That is why I don’t have a lot of girlfriends. Please give me some time with this. I love you. Please just don’t push me too hard or fast on this. I’m really trying.” Rebecca opened the door to the shower stall and turned on the water.
“I’m trying Rebecca but it’s hard for me to be there for you when you continue to push me away.” Colby watched his wife pull her hair up and pile it into a big wavy mass on top of her head. “I’ll talk to you more once you get into bed. Enjoy your shower.”
Rebecca turned and let her robe fall open as she hugged Colby. The steam from the shower made the air in the small space warm and thick. “Why don’t we enjoy it together?”
“It is better for the environment. You know me always willing to do what I can to help Mother Earth.” Colby grinned as Rebecca let her robe drop to the floor and climbed into the shower. “I’ll be in there in a moment, Mrs. Thorn.”
Rebecca smiled as she closed the glass door to the two person marble shower. Colby smiled as he left to place his clothes in the walk–in closet. Glad the argument was over; he paused as he thought about Rebecca in the shower. His excitement dwindled just a bit as he remembered this was the way their last serious discussion ended. He hoped his wife was not trying to use their physical relationship to avoid the problems he felt brewing beneath surface. The thought left his mind at the sight of his bride’s cute index finger motioning for him to join her.
Calmed after their shower Rebecca and Colby exited the bathroom drenched in sweat. Colby wrapped his towel around his waist and watched Rebecca pull her matching pajama set out of her lingerie drawer. His mind played their conversation about her mom and aunt going to Dominican Republic over and over. His lips parted to tell her something when her smartphone rang. Instead of leaving it on the table after checking the number, she picked it up and pressed the talk button.
“Hi, mami. How are you?” Rebecca paused as she sat on the edge of her side of the bed. “Are you sure? Oh great mami that is perfect. I have some really exciting news for you. You and Teva are going to be so excited. I can’t wait until you get here. “
Colby’s eyes almost fell out of his head they opened so wide.
“I don’t think that is necessary, mami. You’re family. You should stay here.” Rebecca paused and gave Colby a ‘honey I love you’ wink and smile.
Colby shook his head and climbed into the bed under the sheet only.
“Yes, call me with the details tomorrow. I’m so glad you’re coming. I wanted to see you. You’re going to like it so much you’re going to want to stay. We should just ship your things now and start house hunting for you. Real estate here is really a buyer’s market, mami.” Rebecca turned her back to Colby and sat on the bed.
Colby stood and went to her side of the bed and made the universal sign for up.
Rebecca nodded at Colby and held up her right index finger. “No I don’t think that is enough time, Mami. Maybe a one way ticket will be less expensive. ..alright. I’ll pay if you need to change it…love you too. “
“Rebecca what just happened? When did you invite them to come and stay forever? Have we discussed that already?” Colby pulled himself into sitting position in the bed.
“In the car you told me to have them come here. What happened to you giving me some time with this? I thought we agreed on that in the bathroom. Now you’re upset again. This doesn’t make any sense.” Rebecca pulled on the camisole and boy shorts.
“We did not talk about anything in the car. What we did was yell at each other. Don’t tell me you’re really thinking this is gonna help us spend time with each other.” Colby crossed his arms and leaned back into the headboard.
“It will, all four of us. They’ll be staying here with us. It is gonna be the best of all worlds. Trust me, Colby.” Rebecca climbed into the bed and planted a slow peck on his lips. “I just want to spend some time with them before they leave and convince my mom to stay in the area once Teva goes home to be with the Lord.”
“Yeah, right. How much time do we have before they arrive?” Colby pulled the small accessory from her hair and watched it spill down her shoulders and back.
Rebecca leaned forward and then laid her head on his chest as she made circles on his bicep. “All night. They land in the morning.” She looked up and offered her puckered lips to Colby to kiss.
Colby shook his arm and slid Rebecca off his chest before he slid back down in the bed and turned his back to her. “Good night, Rebecca.”
***
Dani sat in Dr. Thompson’s office and listened to the large art deco clock tick. It was one of those modern classic pieces that she knew ran on electricity but sounded like those big grandfather clocks in rich people’s houses on TV that they would wind up. In the past the sound would have grated her nerves, but today it simply magnified the self-inflicted torture. She remembered how the torture began when she researched her symptoms and her possible diagnosis on the internet. On Sunday she watched a local pastor on the internet. He taught on trusting God which calmed her nerves enough to be able to pretend to enjoy work for the week. How could she have scheduled a follow up appointment on a Wednesday? It would have been better for her to go in on Monday and get it over with, instead of burning a client’s ear and ruining a box of weave glue. Cursings and blessings from the same mouth took on a whole new meaning at that moment.
The door creaked a little and Dr. Thompson entered. An older gentleman in his late fifties walked in and sat behind the desk. His salt and pepper hair, height, skin complexion and attire made him look like a cross between television dads, Phillip Banks and Cliff Huxtable. Everything about him was comforting and felt like sitting down with her Godfather, if she had one. She hoped pops had good news.
“Good morning, Ms. Wardeen. Would you like some water or fruit juice?” He nodded towards the small mini refrigerator.
“Sure.” Dani opened the small stainless steel door and took an apple juice out. “Thank you.”
Dr. Thompson waited for her to open the bottle and take a small sip.
Dani felt small beads of sweat pop up across her brow.
“My pleasure,” he opened the manila and multicolor tabbed folder in front of him. “We received your results from the lab. The good news is that we caught the cancer early. You have triple negative inflammatory breast cancer. It is hard to treat but there have been successful cases where we were able to beat it.”
Dani choked on the apple juice. The images from the websites and the statistics on each form of cancer that matched her symptoms swirled around in her mind and crashed against each other. She remembered her surroundings when she smelled the apple juice and felt Dr. Thompson place facial tissue in her hand. Everything she prayed against had happened.
“Are you sure Dr. Thompson? I read online where this has been misdiagnosed and I could just have a blood disorder that makes my body more conducive to abnormal bruising.” Dani’s leg bounced up and down.
“Ms. Wardeen, I know you read a lot of alarming stories, statistics and other things online but I assure you we have not misdiagnosed you. If you would like to see another doctor for a second opinion we have enough left from the sample to have it sent there.”
“That won’t be necessary. I believe you Dr. Thompson. I just don’t want to. I’m too young for this. The odds are against me beating this. Why couldn’t it just be regular breast cancer? Oh God.” A blood curdling scream ripped from Dani’s mouth as she slumped over in her chair.
Dr. Thompson pressed the intercom and asked his nurse to set up one of the recovery rooms. He also told her to call in the patient counselor. “We need to discuss your treatment. While we caught it early we still need to begin treatment to stop the cancer from spreading. Some of the things you may have read about like how aggressively this form of breast cancer spreads were correct. We want to schedule your mastectomy and then get you started on some chemotherapy.”
“Mastectomy?”
“Yes, I’m afraid so. Then we’d have to do targeted therapy through radiation and reconstructive surgery.”
“Radiation? Reconstructive surgery? I don’t believe this.”
“After that we’ll discuss additional systemic treatment to prevent recurrence.”
“You’re talking about pumping me full of chemicals and possibly killing me with treatment before I even have a chance to decide if I want to get married and have children. How can I make a decision about what I’m gonna do next when I just found out what is going on? I need at least a week to decide what I’m going to do.” Dani placed the apple juice bottle on the edge of his desk in front of her.
“I understand you’re upset ,Ms. Wardeen, but swift action and aggressive treatment will be best in treating this cancer. We detected it early but it progresses very rapidly,” Dr. Thompson said.
“I’ll make an appointment to come back next Monday. I need time to pray about this. I respect your opinion and I’m glad Dr. Justin referred me to your office, but your opinion is not what drives me, Dr. Thompson. I know someone whose input is more important than yours.” Dani stood up as she wiped the tears from her eyes.
Dr. Thompson stood with her.
“Where is the restroom? I need to freshen up and get myself together.” Dani looked at the art deco clock on the wall behind Dr. Thompson.
“It’s out of my office and to the right of the lobby, across from the patient services department.” Dr. Thompson watched Dani turn and reach for the doorknob. “I know this is hard to process, Ms. Wardeen, but please know I’m here to help. My foremost priority is to care for you with the most successful proven methods to treat this and to recover from it. You can still go on to live a full life, but you have to be here to do it. Doing nothing will definitely result in you not being able to do that.”
“I don’t doubt your dedication to your patients’ health Dr. Thompson I just need to talk to the person dedicated to every concern I have. I’ll see you if you have an appointment on Monday to let you know what I’ve decided to do.” Dani opened the door.
***
Jenessa eased her car into the garage. She pulled up the screen on her phone and pulled up a bookmarked video surveillance site. Her daughter leaned against the kitchen sink. She hated feeling like she spied on her children but ever since an eighteen year old boy tried to climb into Dominique’s room three months ago, internal surveillance seemed like a good idea. Whisper soft garage door system and sneaky teens meant using every tool at her disposal and equaled one informed mother. Jenessa turned up the volume on the phone and scrunched her nose up. Why did her daughter insist on chewing gum like a cow?
“Girl you are crazy. Jarrell doesn’t like you. He likes me.” Dominique rolled her eyes and twirled the gum she chewed on her finger. The phone on the wall rang. She walked over and looked at the caller id. “Hey I have to catch the other phone let me call you back.”
“Armstrong residence.” Dominique picked up the phone with one hand and slid her cell phone in her pocket with the other. She walked over to the kitchen sink to wash her hands. “No, she’s not in right now but this is her daughter. Is there a message for her that I can write down? Just let me get to the message pad.”
Dominique dried her hands while she balanced the headset between her cheek and shoulder. Once her hands were dry she walked into the family room and made her way to the message pad next to the cordless phone console. She pulled a bright pink and blue pen from her pocket and flopped down in an overstuffed armchair to write down the message. “You were able to squeeze her in for this Friday for the follow up appointment? Wait is that the same appointment she was supposed to make it to a week ago…you can tell me I’m her daughter…I don’t know what a HIPAA …yes ma’am…My bad I’ll be sure to give my mom the message. ..Yes ma’am goodbye.”
Uh oh. Jenessa knew the only thing that call could have been about was her follow up appointment about her breast. She made a point of making her keys jingle in the lock before entering through the door from the garage. Jenessa put her suitcase down in the hall way. The click clack of her heels on the laminate hardwood floor echoed as she made her way toward the family room.
“Hey mama.” Dominique eyed her like a hawk. “How was work? Did you hear back from the doctor yet about your follow up appointment? Any news? Are you okay?”
Jenessa cleared her throat to buy a few more seconds of time. Lying never felt right. “Dominique I told you before to let me concern myself about that. Focus on school and your responsibilities and everything will be fine.”
“In other words, Dominique, do as I say not as I do because I never made the appointment. I have cancelled it twice cause your need to know whether or not I’m gonna die from cancer like Nana and Auntie Emma is not important.” Tears spilled from her daughter’s eyes.
Jenessa gasped and reached for her daughter. “Oh Nique, I’m sorry. I never even thought about that. You know I would never let anything like that happen to me. I’m going to be fine. Who else is going to take care of you? Don’t worry, girl. God is not going to allow anything to happen to me. I’m fine.”
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