What others are saying about Gifts With No Giver...
I first picked up this gem of a book about a decade ago, around the time I was discovering Nirmala and his teachings in the non-dual tradition. Here Nirmala shares his beautiful experiences of Awakening through his own unique heartfelt words. Enlightened spiritual poetry not unlike other mystical offerings like Rumi, the Songs of Kabir or Lao Tzu's sayings. I continue to find fresh inspiration whenever I open these pages, and with an open heart dare to let myself be touched.–Akash, BC
At a meditation retreat I was leading at Harbin Hot Springs, a participant handed me your free book of spiritual poetry, Gifts with No Giver. From the moment I opened it, my heart soared into the realms of Silence that your words invited. Tears of truth touched my soul. I have so wanted to savor each poem that I have been reading only one every few days. I love squeezing the juice out of each poem! Thank you for the depths that you have traveled inside yourself that allows your words to thrust me inward.–Peter Rengel, Retreat Leader and author of Living Life in Love and Seeds of Light
If you are looking for a book of spiritual poetry to help light your spiritual path, this book will be a good choice. The subtitle of the book, A Love Affair with Truth, describes well the theme of this collection of spiritual poems. Nirmala's depth of insight is well represented. -Gloria Achterberg
******
GIFTS WITH NO GIVER
a love affair with truth
Poems by Nirmala
Nirmala offers these poems in gratitude for the love and grace that flow through his teacher, Neelam, and in gratitude for the blessings of truth brought to this world by Ramana Maharshi and H.W.L. Poonja. In addition he would like to thank Donald Turcotte for his generous assistance in the design and production of this collection, and also Pamela Wilson for her help with editing.
Thank you for downloading this free ebook. You are welcome to share it with your friends. This book may be reproduced, copied and distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided the book remains in its complete original form. If you enjoyed this book, please visit http://endless-satsang.com/free to discover other works by this author. Thanks for your support. This book and others by Nirmala are also available in print on Amazon.com.
Endless Satsang Foundation
Copyright (c) 1999 by Daniel Erway (Nirmala)
Smashwords Edition
For more info or to purchase Nirmala's other books on various ebook stores:
http://endless-satsang.com/free
To Neelam: the blue sapphire flame in my heart
(Note: There is a free bonus at the end of this book of Part two of Living from the Heart by Nirmala)
******
Free Bonus: Excerpt of Living from the Heart by Nirmala
******
your hand is always in mine
your whispered endearments are my constant companion
you have never turned your face from me
no matter how many times I have turned from you
now I vow undying love
I meet you in the secret places I used to hide from you in
I hold you with tenderness I used to reserve for my pain
I would give you my life and my breath in an instant
for you are my true love
the one with no form
the one who has never been anywhere, but right here
in the singing of my heart
******
why fear this moment
when no thoughts come
at last I lie naked
in the arms of experience
why fear this moment
when no words come
at last I find rest
in the lap of silence
why fear this moment when love finds itself alone
at last I am embraced
by infinity itself
why fear this moment
when judgment falls away
at last my defenses
fail to keep intimacy at bay
why fear this moment
when hope is lost
at last my foolish dreams
are surrendered to perfection
******
I may think I feel love but it is love that feels me
constantly testing the woven fibers that enclose and protect my heart
with a searing flame
that allows no illusion of separation
and as the insubstantial fabric of my inner fortress
is peeled away by the persistent fire
I desperately try to save some charred remains
by escaping into one more dream of passion
I may think I can find love
but it is love that finds me
meanwhile, love becomes patient and lies in wait
its undying embers gently glowing
and even if I now turn and grasp after the source of warmth
I end up cold and empty-handed
I may think I can possess love
but it is love that possesses me
and finally, I am consumed
for love has flared into an engulfing blaze
that takes everything
and gives nothing in return
I may think love destroys me
but it is love that sets me free
******
the past is long gone
from here
there is no way back
how could there be
the present is over too quickly for feeble desires to have any effect
except to hide peace
the future races ahead forever out of reach
of dreamy wishes
and useless plans
and yet when I rest in the endless now
every need is satisfied
in ways never imagined
******
I have fallen in love with truth
I only want to be with her
I cannot stand to be apart
I would gladly go to the ends of the earth
or I would never again move from this spot
just to be sure to inhale her fragrant perfume
with my dying breath
I have fallen in love with truth
her every wish my command
I simply must obey
for she has captured my soul
and taken complete control
of even my innermost thoughts
freeing me to find repose in her unadorned splendor
I have fallen in love with truth
with exquisite tenderness she shows me
the perfection in my every flaw
no need for pretense
for she knows everything about me
and yet takes me in her arms
with complete abandon
until only she remains
******
sunlight burns
shadow cools
there is no difference
earth is still
grass is moving
there is no difference
wind rustles
sky is silent
there is no difference
spider drifts by on a silken web
and I remain
there is no difference
******
where is absence of desire
once I dreamed there would only be bliss
now I am in awe of the ordinary
now I am content with longing or no longing
desires do not disturb the source of all desire
life and death carry on as they always have
and always will
only the dreamer is gone
behind the flow of imagination
beyond any effort to be still
dancing in the ebb and flow of attention
more present than the breath
I find the origins of my illusions
only the dreamer is gone
the dream never ends
******
river of voices
eternal mantra of foam
meaningless words swallowed in a humming roar
thoughts arise and are splashed away
river of music
sacred song of motion
nowhere to go but downstream
actions arise and are swept away
river of sounds
laughing and crying
impossible to bring the depths to the surface
emotions arise and are washed away
river of silence
flowing through everything
peace beyond even the absence of sound
nothing ever arises
******
I don't know what to say
I never know what to say
yet there is great power in not knowing
knowing I can never know
the mystery constantly deepens
overwhelming my sense of what is
the mystery speaks without words
taking the breath away
leaving no air for words
in silence there is room for pain and bliss
in unlimited measure
******
love is a dream that does not stop
when you awaken
but constantly surprises
no strong emotions stirring up dust
and clouding your vision
love is more than it seems
and has a purpose
you cannot see
and yet cannot hide from
love is an inescapable reality
that knocks you senseless
takes your breath away
and leaves no heart beating but its own
******
nobody is my lover
I searched for her for lifetimes
and finally noticed she was always at my side
nothing is my heart's true desire
but something used to always get in the way
now emptiness fills me to overflowing
as I fall into my lover's embrace
I can love you or ...
I can love love itself
and thus love you truly
letting illusion rest at last
has freedom spoiled me for any other lover
or is there room for the one in the infinite
questions fall away in the embrace of my true love
join me in her arms
and rest at last
I am carried
like a mother holding her infant child
tender, yet firm
I am provided for
with caring attention that anticipates every need
and yet
I am swallowed whole by this love
******
no longer my hand that moves
no longer my voice that muses
no longer my eyes that fill with tears
at the simple beauty of a hazy afternoon
who could contain this rapture
who keeps this heart beating
who could keep this heart from breaking
at the loss of everything it foolishly held dear
questions have lost their fascination
longing has surrendered to fullness
gratitude is enough
even with the loss of everything foolishly held dear
******
endless traces of memory
fill in empty moments
stealing my peace
and robbing my happiness
they cannot take the real treasure
beyond peace and happiness
behind every memory
is simple awareness
of this ordinary moment
a body breathing a mind making comparisons
and yet something more
is always present
this simple moment
a body still breathing
mind still chasing dreams
what is the something more
that fills the ordinary with magic?
the full recognition
of what was always longed for
in the heart
******
through emptiness
peace is born
no painful labor required
an easy birth
an easy life an easy death
the peace flows from the depths
the heart can only be broken
when the object of love is gone
but true love has no object
through emptiness
awareness is born
it grows untended
filling the emptiness with eyes
and ears and noses
and more hearts
to be broken and mended
broken and mended
until they can no longer be broken
only mended
through awareness
birth is ended
what never ends needs no beginning
love is too large
for a heart to hold
yet the opened heart
rests in this largeness
until fear is also ended
knowing the heart has always been unbroken
******
no poem
no song
no ritual
captures the simple beingness of a stone
let alone a mountain of stone
but let the stone write the poem
let the mountain sing in your heart
let the rituals fall like gentle rain to nourish the gods inside every stone and every mountain
let your soul rise above the mountain
above the rain
above the clouds
the journey home requires no effort
only willingness to release your claw like grip on the familiar ground
then the stone speaks unspeakable truth
then the mountain fills your heart with a silent song of peace
and rituals sprout wings of surrender in your soul
and you arrive here
******
like a green desert
life has burst forth
in this empty container
spilling over
and moistening the parched soil
no need to store the bounty
the supply is endless
the source is at hand
the fruits of no labor
within easy reach
feast on this feed the deepest longing
drink until thirst is a distant memory
desire itself is consumed
when the heart finds nourishment
******
your smile
morning sun on new fallen snow
melting the icy chill
unveiling a blue sapphire flame in my heart
burning memory into ash
revealing bliss
your eyes
dark liquid pools of grace
causing a whirlpool of emotion
carrying me to the depths
drowning me in joy
your touch
gentlest breeze
passing through skin and flesh and bone
healing so complete
leaving no scars
where once were deep wounds
your form
graceful flight in empty sky
giving me birth
naming me
ruling me forever
yet your only command: setting me free
your voice
birdsong and distant thunder
inspiring quiet so vast
thinking no longer finds refuge
your love
a rain swollen river overflowing its banks
washing away all cherished possessions
leaving an empty cup
full of peace
******
I never knew tears could feel so good
until I opened my heart and found they come from the same source
as boundless laughter
instead of blurring my vision
they bring beauty into focus
instead of burning my cheeks
they wash away dusty dryness I used to hide behind
let sorrow have me now
for surrender has freed me to savor the bittersweet nectar
that flows in measureless abundance
from within
******
I bathe in holy water
wash myself clean in the sacred river
nothing has changed
yet senses are now clear
and I hear what she is saying to my heart:
give me your foolish thoughts...
you don't need them anymore
give me your every desire...
they will never fulfill you
give me your deepest fears...
what use have they ever been to you
give me your very soul...
you have always been too large
for its tight confines
so once again I plunge into Ganga's embrace
once for my thoughts
once more for my desires
and a third time for my fears
she has always had my soul
and once again, nothing has changed....
nothing always changes
******
no deep rooted fears
fear exists on the surface
fear is the surface dive deeper and fear is swallowed
in the depth of knowing
nothing to fear in this moment
even when a gun is held to your head
the thing most feared has not yet happened
once an event has occurred
fear is too late
fear has no home here
where all is as it is
Breathe the tranquil air
and discover the fragrant serenity
******
thoughts dance their enticing moves
before my entranced inner sight
but the spell is broken
when I wonder
who is entranced
memories beckon seductively
with all the luster they can manage
yet their shine is swallowed
in the light
behind my eyes
there is one dancer
I cannot resist
her only movement is utter stillness
I find no memory
in her transparent gaze
******
romance is a simple mistake
finding true love
in the arms of one other
is like capturing a waterfall
in a tiny cup
thirst is slightly quenched
why not just step into the source
romance is a beautiful distraction
taking you beyond your dry concerns
yet what good is an open heart
with room for only one when that one is gone
the heart is empty and dry
and tears fall on empty ground
romance is a single drop
in a torrent of love
why settle for one sip at a time
the sweetest tasting water is deeper than the surface
dive into the current
and as you are swept away
drink to your heart's content
******
nothing seen is wasted
the sight of every eye
increases the range of vision
of that which sees
every sight is a gem
of pure perfection
in the inner eyes
of that which sees
each viewpoint
lives on forever
nothing can die
within that which sees
look deeply into any eye
beyond your reflection
come face to face
with that which sees
abandon appearance
let go of pretense
you are naked and exposed
before that which sees
do not turn away your gaze
no need to hide
only love shines in the eyes of that which sees
******
all may have a mind of their own
but thoughts are gifts of grace
touching mind for an instant
like melting snowflakes
every place can be home but rest is a divine blessing
when effort falls away
like the setting sun
the heart may burn with emptiness
but love comes in waves
smoothing away doubts
like a tide erasing footprints in the sand
******
in the dream I always play the fool
in the dream
my defenses always fail
in the dream
my desires are never fully satisfied
in the dream
my heart is broken over and over
wide awake
I always play the fool
wide awake
my defenses always fail
wide awake
my desires are never fully satisfied
wide awake
my heart sings its endless joy
******
what should we do
what is the purpose of life
here is the endless task
to do nothing well
here is your purpose
to be free of any purpose
why do we suffer so
how can we end the pain
here is the source of suffering
in the desire to end suffering
there is no end to pain
nor an end to joy within the soul of freedom
******
my longing was never deep enough
to touch this empty well
my effort was never great enough
to move this unmovable mountain
my understanding was never broad enough
to contain this silent truth
my dreaming was never real enough
to shape this formless presence
nothing is always enough
when nothing is needed
******
the mystery
of this simple moment
cannot be spoken
yet all of history
occurred to arrive here
the mystery
of the endless terrain of self
cannot be mapped out
countless new frontiers
are born with every breath
the mystery
of awakening
cannot be achieved all that is needed
is to notice inner eyes that never close
the mystery
of sweet undying love
cannot be understood
the heart already knows
what the mind can only long for
the mysteries
always remain
untouched by worried thought
ready to welcome us home
when we abandon our dreams
******
take my hand
feel the vital grip
that love lends to this flesh
listen to my voice
hear the catch in my throat
of awe that can't be expressed
gaze into my eyes
see tears welling up
as I recognize my long lost self in your smile
rest in my arms
find refuge in my embrace
until you know you are forever safe
join me now
here where we have never parted
******
no word is real enough
to conjure up a crumb of bread
still we try to find nourishment
in endless musing
no thought is thick enough to cushion a fall
yet we pursue idle distractions
while tripping on obstacles in our path
there is a silent voice behind the words
there is a quiet source of every thought
listen without your ears
ponder without your mind
rest your senses and your sense
for just one moment of this stillness
will sustain and uphold you forever
******
it is here
in the breath
it is here
in the stillness between breaths
it is here
in the active mind
it is here
in the resting mind
it is here
in the dream's panorama
it is here
in each moment of awakening
it is here
when all is well
it is here
when fear has nothing left to fear
even then
there is pure noticing even then
there is no need for doing
no frantic searching can find the obvious
no seeking needed
to find that which seeks
it is here
where it can never be lost
or found
******
where does willingness come from
willing to do anything
although nothing can be done
willing to surrender everything
although nothing is mine willing to be exposed although there is nothing to hide
where does lovingness come from
loving the flaws in us
although we are perfect
loving the simplicity although feelings are so complex
loving you although no one is there
where does gratefulness come from
grateful for the laughter
although the joke is on me
grateful for the beauty
although eyes cannot truly see
grateful for the bounty
although hands are forever empty
******
truth is a living being
that must be nourished and fed
and loved
then it grows and blossoms
filling the air with pure aroma
making us gasp with delight
truth is a friend
that asks for loyalty and acceptance
then it enters our hearts
dissolving the boundaries freeing us from loneliness
truth is a demanding lover
that requires constant affection
and endless gifts
then it rewards us
with a glimpse of indescribable beauty
making us faint with satisfaction
and finally truth is an empty hand
that asks for and requires nothing
******
the obvious signs
a playful smile
absence of pretense
disregard for convention
respect for truth
listen when they speak
look where they point
follow where they lead
abandon hope and faith and dreams
accept nothing less than all they have to give
your share in the infinite is infinite
come claim your birthright
return to the place never left
return and let the seeker rest
subside in the unending peace
let the seeker rest
let that which you seek find you
let the seeker rest
the task is finished
let the seeker rest
let the seeker rest
******
behind closed eyes
the world falls away
a whirl of empty sensation
with no boundary
drowning thought in a silent symphony
burning the body
in painless effigy
when eyes open again
the world is cleansed
only perfection remains
the room is resplendent
with the absence of illusion
******
grateful
for grace
that fills mind with visions
of the invisible
grateful
for time
that expands to embrace
stillness
grateful
for breath
that seems to require
no breather
grateful
for gratitude
that breaks the soul wide open
freeing love
******
in a timeless instant
before a painful idea appears in my mind
an ever present softness, a gentle hand reaches into my thoughts
and soothes them until they reflect only empty sky
in a timeless moment
before a desire burns in my heart
an inexhaustible peace, a whispered silence
quells the storm
of fruitless wishing
leaving me breathlessly still
in a timeless lifetime
before my story is wrenched from silence
a wordless honesty, an unflinching gaze
shows me my face
without shadows of doubt dimming the fire within
in a timeless eternity
before my soul is torn from infinity
a passionate tenderness, an enfolding embrace
leaves me alone with the source of sweetness even closer than a kiss
******
welcome home
welcome to the home never left
you have always lived here
will always live here
this is home, forever...
so stop now
no effort is required
even during all journeys
you have always been here
this is home, forever...
so relax now
the fire is in the hearth
this inner fire is keeping you warm
the storms outside cannot touch you
this is home, forever...
so rest now
everyone loved is right here
we have always lived here will always live here
this is home, forever...
******
I must follow this thought
all the way
let the mind have its way with me
but only with me
not with the quiet presence
the voice behind all thoughts
I must feel this emotion
with my whole being
and as it sweeps me off my feet
enjoy the sensation of falling
falling endlessly into the arms
of no lover
I must, I must
for this dream demands no less
than total suspension of disbelief
total surrender for the dream and the dreamer
are one and the same
I have never been more than a dream
and the dreamer
is awake
******
endless poems wait to be written while all has been said before
this truth cannot be spoken and so I try again
just to get a little closer
to the unspeakable reality
forever gently teasing just out of reach
forever invisible at the edge of perception
forever tranquil in the maelstrom of feelings
forever present in this moment's eternity
******
it doesn't matter
what I do
mind judges
then judges itself for judging
that's just what minds do
when I let it have its way
it surprises me by stopping
and in the vacant interlude
the mind finds no grip
and falls effortlessly into the deep pool of silence
it never left
******
rain falls
within the endless awareness
the sun still shines
behind the clouds
loss rips
at the heart of love
empty peace still rests
at the source of tears
floods wash
away the precious hillsides
life rises to the surface
for another breath of joy
thoughts race
across the mind's attention
quiet still sings
from the throat of nowhere
pure freedom remains
when all else is
swallowed in the river of time
******
mind always wins
every thought an artful trap
leading further into dreams
resistance speeds the entanglement
surrender, the only option
then what surprising silence
entanglement becomes a tender caress
dreaming dissolves in wonder
mind continues the endless game
jumping in to claim peace as its own
creating a new identity to play with
as if it could find something solid in empty space laughter, the only response
then identities come and go
mind plays on the surface
silence enjoys it all
******
all I have ever wanted is wanting
all I have ever had is having
all I am is all there is
and wanting and having are always here
in equal measure
all I have ever loved is love
all I have ever loved is loving
all I am is love
and loving is always here
in infinite measure
******
quite ordinary desires
come and go come and go
never needing to be fulfilled
their satisfaction made irrelevant
by the shining beauty of a rain soaked forest
the rain washing away thoughts
of something lacking
what could be lacking
in this explosion of life
that grows in each nook and cranny
of the infinite heart
the moisture of love
seeping down to nourish the roots
of every being
or dancing in streams and rivers
all the way home
******
die a little
with every disappointment
or find what never dies
and has no preferences
try a little
and keep illusion going
or see the futility of effort
and stop pushing on nothing
be happy a little
now and then when circumstance allows
or rest in the source of happiness
now, then and always
believe a little
that you are someone
or notice there is no separate one
nor any limit to being
love a little
with half a heart
or let love have it all
filling the heart to overflowing
******
the dance of emptiness
goes on and on
colors, shapes and forms
arrayed in courtly splendor
on the dance floor of infinity
the patterns of the dance
will hypnotize if watched too closely
while the entire view
ends all trances
and frees the dreaming mind
now join the dance
its irresistible ebb and flow
swallows your pride
in the pure joy
of moving stillness
******
this voice is inadequate
to express the abundant wonder
of this endless moment
this body is insufficient
to embrace the sweet infinity
of this lover's bodiless form
these eyes are unable
to capture the invisible beauty
of a cloudless sky
and yet I sing with joy,
caress the air with tenderness,
allow beauty to fill my eyes with tears,
and know that the love in my heart
is always enough
******
truth is too simple for words
before thought gets tangled up in nouns and verbs
there is a wordless sound a deep breathless sigh
of overwhelming relief
to find the end of fiction
in this ordinary
yet extraordinary moment
when words are recognized
as words
and truth is recognized
as everything else
******
a quiet room
empty of profound thoughts
in this moment
no need to uncover deep truths
the chairs do not mind the silence
the rug is not burdened by the lack of weighty ideas
only the thought, "there must be something more"
cries out in pretended anguish
the chairs pay no attention
the rug only lies more quietly
until the pretended suffering
can't help but notice
there is always more
that does not need to be revealed
******
laughter stops thought
and fills the space behind the eyes with light
such simple delight
to find nothing is knowable
I can only give everything
to this nothing
and am overjoyed
to let it tear down the barricade in my chest
and steal my heart
******
the room is empty
except for these saddened eyes
that find refuge in emptiness
friends come and go
lovers come and go
but love itself never wavers
emptiness is my refuge
emptiness is my resting place
everywhere I turn
the end of boundaries awaits
take sadness now
take happiness also
leave only clear vision
the room is still empty
except for these opened eyes
that find refuge in fullness
******
early in the morning
asleep in a dream
only to awaken in another dream
why disturb the quiet mist
with imaginary forms
the heart is never fulfilled
with dream lovers
for there is never enough
of what does not satisfy
so let the mist have it all
I have moistened my cheeks long enough in this fog of dreaming
I will not move again until my true love appears
when at last the sun burns away the haze
no one is there
what relief. . . to find her waiting
******
mind finds a path
to struggle along
never reaching the goal
heart knows it already rests
in the path of something wonderful
it cannot escape
mind seeks to hold onto
a still point of final understanding
heart knows it is being held
by an unmoving whirlwind
that it will never comprehend
mind tries to feel safe enough
to allow love
out into the open
heart knows love is never cautious
and cannot be kept secret
once all hope of refuge is abandoned
******
simply resting
from a full day of resting
feeling too rested
to even consider anything more
simply quiet
staying in the silent pauses
no thought
not even the idea: no thought
too busy
doing nothing
to stop long enough
to do something less
******
excitement stirs the blood
yet only nothingness is ever palpable
imagined pleasures always fall short
compared to the simple reality
this bird in the hand
is worth a million in the bush
sensations have their say
promising satisfaction, as if they could stay
long enough to fulfill endless desire
yet always ending in a reverberating empty stillness
this deafening calm
is cherished by the core of being as the true source of infinity
******
light through a prism...
a rainbow
love through my heart...
the spectrum of feelings revealed
red anger to blue sadness
yellow fear to black despair
allow them back into my heart
and the prism works in reverse
turning the most deeply tinted pain
back into pure white love
******
foolish to chase after imaginary pleasures
they love to dance out of reach
giving only tastes of slight satisfaction
simpler to give heartfelt attention
to the source of contentment
and find there is never anything missing
in this moment
then the rising water of devotion
takes the weight out of these hands
and dissolves the dreamlike boundaries
of desire itself
******
a world of endless contradiction
sad smiles and joyous tears
the heart is torn in two
by feelings that never fail to pull in opposite directions
torn in two
by dreams that forever dance out of reach
until at last the contents of the heart
spill out in an endless flood
of sad smiles and joyous tears
that no longer have any ambivalence
because of their shared source
******
words do not come
there is no need for profound utterances or
deep truths
here is an ordinary evening
why spoil it with dramatic overstatement
the silence amidst the noise
the gem at the core
of every experience
is polished by simple attention
into shining magnificence
******
every taste
every sensation
every possible pleasure
is already present
in the timeless
awareness
that is beating my heart
what use
in chasing dreams
that have already
come true
******
who would have guessed
this empty feeling in my chest
is the door to eternity
who could have known
this longing
is what I longed for
how is it possible
thoughts of freedom
only hide freedom
why don't I care
about answers
when questions never end
who would have guessed
this empty feeling in my chest could be so full
******
what kind of fire has no preference for fuel
gladly burning thoughts, feelings,
bodies and souls
yet it is a cool flame
leaving the core untouched
it flares whenever I give it attention
or has it always been burning this brightly
******
sleep comes in the afternoon
and then wakefulness never truly returns
drinking in rest like cool water
cold outside does not touch it
yawning does not disturb it
thoughts of friends in pain
can only make it more obvious
here in this quiet house
the totality comes out to play
******
hot sun fills the eyes to overflowing
while a cooling breeze of freedom lifts sweat from the brow
every experience from the past that visits now is recognized for what it has always been
pure food for the dreaming oneness
the banquet continues with each breath
I feast now even on heartbreak and loss
as they burst the limits I held so dear
freeing me from resisting appetite
for fear of a taste of sour fruit
I also welcome the sweet dessert of quiet moments
truth with no trimmings
a simple meal of limitless portion every tender morsel of silence
more filling than the last
******
desire
pure unadulterated longing
tears at the chest with such force it seems the soul might leave
just to find relief
sadness
bittersweet taste of emptiness
weighs on the shoulders
like a burden
too heavy to bear
surrender
swallowing all pride
collapsing from all effort
only to find rest again
in the depths of pain itself
why was I running from this profound
silent joy
******
sweeter than any kiss
the taste of eternity
lingers on my lips
tasting me
only the slightest pause
before her passion
overwhelms my feigned resistance
and takes everything I have to give
if this lover breaks my heart
there will be no pieces left
******
gratitude burns in the chest
glad tears run down the cheeks
strange illusion fills the eyes
the hum of life thrills the ears
no more sense of mine to senses
the body no longer belongs to anyone
leaving no one in the way
of all a body can contain
and all a body cannot touch
wonder awes the mind inspiration raises the spirit
silence soothes the doubts
intuition speaks to the soul
no more idea of someone with ideas
knowing needs no knower
freeing truth to expand
into all mind can contain
and all mind cannot even imagine
******
when I am held in your arms
even pain is pure bliss
dark thoughts of separation and lack
are waves of pure pleasure
unfulfilled desire is complete ecstasy
thank you for never having let go
******
the truth catches up with me
I am not enough
never have been
never will be
what relief to admit this finite container
can never contain infinity
what joy to find infinity needs no container
******
the tears flow freely now
the mind quiets and the heart breaks wide open
all the hopes and dreams of a lifetime, many lifetimes
gently washed away
longings that have burned in the mind for ages
suddenly flare up, but are quenched
the dying embers of illusion
gently washed away
and the soul thus unburdened of pretense
can barely stand to open its watery eyes
sights so intense, and yet so unreal
gently washed away
finally, a voice that speaks the simplest of truth
intermingled with sweet blissful sighs
all the remaining fears and excitements
gently laughed away
******
the tired wanderer
loses the strength to go on
and in surrendering to hopelessness
is surprised to finally feel at home
the hurried creek
pauses in a cold, stony pool
and in sudden stillness
arrives
at the distant ocean
the frightened warrior decides
"I am ready to die"
and in willing abandon
becomes immortal
the fitful breeze
fades to calm in the afternoon heat
and in catching its breath
is reborn
as undying tradewinds
the troubled philosopher
finds nothing to believe in
and in unexpected silence
just smiles
at the still unanswered questions
the restless sea
becomes smooth and mirrors the clouds
and in ceasing all motion
rejoins
its own depths
the saddened lover
faces the loss of illusion once again
and in dying to passion
falls in love
with love itself
the weary sun
sinks into the embrace of the horizon
and in resting at last
welcomes other shores
to a new day
******
memories of true love
are useless in filling empty moments
for this lover never shows the same face
always a new disguise
keeping mind in suspense
and senses alert
surrender to perpetual surprise
and find her waiting once again
in emptiness itself
******
body is pure doing
beyond doing there is mind
mind is pure knowing
beyond knowing there is heart
heart is pure being
mind is more than the brain
the heart of being is infinitely more
than this physical beating in the chest
all resides in this heart
the pulse of all life depends on its endless rhythm
lifting us in moments of simple awareness
beyond the limits of doing and knowing
directly to the source of our most tender feelings
and beyond even limitless love
where all is merged
in silent wonder
******
the passion for freedom
swallows the source of passion
if twoness could lead to oneness
we would all be faithful lovers
no reason to dream of love
for it is already here in the waking heart
find it now
in the sweet infinity
of this moment's
eternal embrace
******
the flower can only wait for the bee to arrive
yet passion appears from nowhere to play hide and seek with peace
all that is gained is lost once again
timeless dreams are swallowed in the yawn of an awakened sleeper
yet spring rises like a phoenix from the ashes of winter
all that is lost was never real
is the heart big enough
for the source of weeping
is the heart big enough
for this pure delight
******
mind plays its oldest trick
sighing woe is me
so lonely so lonely....being someone
what's this
a sweetness
in the embrace of loneliness
what deeper longing is being satisfied
******
I always thought you would come to me in the shape of a beautiful lover
I never dreamed you would steal my heart
with no shape at all
I always pretended I needed arms to hold me
and lips to kiss away my pain
yet I find fulfillment
in the embrace of empty space
I always wished you would speak to me
with words of tender sweetness
now I know you whisper silently
of your undying love
I always knew I would find you although I foolishly looked with my eyes
you were here all along
hiding just out of sight in my heart
******
a lasting marriage
when devotion has claimed you for its own
no longer any chance to stray
a brief fling with illusion no longer satisfies
the truth demands utter fidelity
with no possibility of divorce
all pain must be faced
and embraced as the true countenance of your beloved
all fear must be met
and recognized as the thrill of tasting the unknowable
all joy must be surrendered
and acknowledged as a gift with no giver
this union only requires telling the truth
even when the truth shatters your dreams
even when the truth leaves you emptied out
even when the truth reveals your counterfeit existence
then there is no other possibility than happily ever after
******
fire may burn the wood
the ashes do not mind
******
After a lifetime of spiritual seeking, Nirmala met his teacher, Neelam, a devotee of H.W.L. Poonja (Papaji). She convinced Nirmala that seeking wasn’t necessary; and after experiencing a profound spiritual awakening in India, he began offering satsang and Nondual Spiritual Mentoring with Neelam’s blessing. This tradition of spiritual wisdom has been most profoundly disseminated by Ramana Maharshi, a revered Indian saint, who was Papaji’s teacher. Nirmala’s perspective was also profoundly expanded by his friend and teacher, Adyashanti.
Nirmala offers a unique vision and a gentle, compassionate approach, which adds to this rich tradition of inquiry into the truth of Being. He is also the author of several books including Nothing Personal: Seeing Beyond the Illusion of a Separate Self. He has been offering satsang throughout the United States and Canada since 1998. Nirmala lives in Sedona, Arizona with his wife, Gina Lake.
Visit Nirmala's website:
http://www.endless-satsang.com
For more info or to purchase Nirmala's other books on various ebook stores: http://endless-satsang.com/free
About Nondual Spiritual Mentoring with Nirmala
Nondual Spiritual Mentoring with Nirmala is available to support you in giving attention and awareness to the more subtle and yet more satisfying inner dimensions of your being. Whether it is for a single spiritual mentoring session or for ongoing one-to-one spiritual guidance, this is an opportunity for you to more completely orient your life towards the true source of peace, joy, and happiness, especially if there is not ongoing satsang or other support available in your location. As a spiritual teacher and spiritual mentor, Nirmala has worked with thousands of individuals and groups around the world to bring people into a direct experience of the spiritual truth of oneness beyond the illusion of separation. He especially enjoys working with individuals in one-to-one sessions because of the greater depth and intimacy possible.
Mentoring sessions with Nirmala are an opportunity for open-ended inquiry. In your session, you can ask any questions, raise any concerns that are meaningful to you, or simply explore your present moment experience, which is a doorway into a deeper reality. Regular weekly, biweekly, or monthly mentoring sessions can be especially transformative. These mentoring sessions are offered either in person or over the phone and typically last an hour. You can contact Nirmala at http://endless-satsang.com/arrange-a-session.htm to arrange a time for a spiritual mentoring session. At the arranged time, Nirmala will call you if you live in the United States or Canada. If you live in another country, you must initiate the call.
FREE E-BOOKS AND EXCERPTS BY NIRMALA
The following e-books and book excerpts are available for free at
http://endless-satsang.com/free
Free Excerpt: Part Two of Living From the Heart
*Note: Part Two is included in this ebook as a free bonus at the end of this list. For more info or to purchase the book on various ebook stores: http://endless-satsang.com/living
A collection of teachings about the Heart, including:
-Part one: From the Heart: Dropping out of Your Mind and Into Your Being: Offers simple ways to shift into a more open and accepting perspective and to experience your true nature as aware space.
-Part two: The Heart's Wisdom: Points the reader back to the Heart, the truest source of wisdom.
-Part three: Love Is for Giving, Not for Getting:Points to the true source of love in your own heart. It is by giving love that we are filled with love.
Free Ebook: That Is That: Essays about True Nature
That Is That: Essays About True Nature is a free collection of articles and answers to questions posed by spiritual seekers. It captures the essence of spiritual inquiry and provides the reader with a real transmission of Presence on every page. It is much more than an exposition about our true nature as infinite consciousness, it offers an experiential exploration of who we really are, not only through the transmission in the words, but through the many thoughtful questions it raises. Nirmala's warm-hearted and accepting presence makes it possible to drop into the space he so eloquently describes, where peace, love, and joy abide. For more info or to download this free ebook at various ebook stores: http://endless-satsang.com/that
Free Excerpt: Chapter 7 of Meeting the Mystery: Exploring the Aware Presence at the Heart of All Life
Download Chapter 7 for free at http://endless-satsang.com/free
For more info or to purchase the book at various ebook stores: http://endless-satsang/meeting
What is the source of the aliveness and awareness, which are fundamental to all life? What is the nature of desire, and how do our desires relate to suffering? How do we know what is true? What is the nature of belief, and how do our beliefs affect our ability to experience the deeper reality that is always here? And in the midst of these mysteries, how do we live our daily lives in the most satisfying and integrated way? Meeting the Mystery explores these questions and will help you discover new dimensions and possibilities in your life. This collection of articles and answers to questions posed by spiritual seekers is a springboard to ever deeper inquiry into the greatest mystery of all—Presence, which is who you really are.
Free Excerpt: Part One of Nothing Personal, Seeing Beyond the Illusion of a Separate Self
Download part one for free at http://endless-satsang.com/free.
For more info or to purchase the book at various online ebook stores: http://endless-satsang.com/nothing
In this concisely edited collection of satsang talks and dialogues, Nirmala “welcomes whatever arises within the field of experience. In the midst of this welcoming is always an invitation to inquire deeply within, to the core of who and what you are. Again and again, Nirmala points the questions back to the questioner and beyond to the very source of existence itself—to the faceless awareness that holds both the question and the questioner in a timeless embrace.” –From the Foreword by Adyashanti.
“Nothing Personal is an excellent book, very clear and warm-hearted. I love it and recommend it highly. Nirmala is a genuine and authentic teacher, who points with great clarity to the simplicity and wonder of nondual presence. He invites you to ‘say yes to the mystery of every moment.’ Good stuff!”–Joan Tollifson, Advaita teacher and author of Awake in the Heartland
*****
LIVING FROM THE HEART
(Excerpt entitled The Heart's Wisdom)
Nirmala
Please note: This free bonus is part two only of the book, Living from the Heart.
For more info or to purchase the book on various ebook stores: http://endless-satsang.com/free
Endless Satsang Foundation
This book consists of three related teachings about the Heart by Nirmala. They were previously offered as downloads on www.endless-satsang.com. The poetry is from
Gifts with No Giver by Nirmala.
Endless Satsang Foundation
http://www.endless-satsang.com
Copyright © 2008 by Daniel Erway (aka Nirmala)
THE HEART'S WISDOM
The truth is that which opens the Heart. The capacity to sense the truth is something we all already have. We all have a Heart that is already accurately showing us how true things are.
Anything that puts you in touch with more of the truth opens the Heart. This is a literal and experiential description of truth. When your experience is bringing you more truth, there is a sense of opening, softening, relaxation, expansion, fulfillment, and satisfaction in the Heart. This can be most directly sensed in the center of the chest, but the Heart of all Being is infinite and therefore actually bigger than your entire body. So this opening, softening, and expansion is actually happening everywhere; we just sense it most clearly and directly in the center of the chest.
When you encounter truth, the sense of your self opens, expands, softens, fills in, and lets go. The me, the sense of your self, is no longer felt to be so limited or small. It becomes more complete and unbounded. The boundaries soften and dissolve, and any sense of inadequacy, limitation, or deficiency is lessened or eliminated.
As a side effect of being in touch with more of the truth, your mind gets quieter because you simply have less to think about. Even knowing a simple truth like where your car keys are gives you less to think about. And when you touch upon a very large truth, your mind becomes even quieter, like when you see the ocean for the first time: The truth or reality you’re viewing is so immense that, at least for a moment, your mind is stopped and becomes very quiet.
In contrast, when your experience is moving into a diminished or smaller experience of the truth and of reality, the Heart contracts. The sense of your self gets tight, hard, contracted, and feels incomplete, bounded, and limited. It can feel like you are small, inadequate, or unworthy. The smallness of the truth is reflected in the smallness of the sense of your self. The result of being less in touch with the truth is that your mind gets busier as it tries to figure out what is true.
Fortunately, your Being is never diminished or contracted, only the sense of your self. Just as blocking your view of the whole room by partially covering your eyes makes your sense of the room smaller without actually making the room smaller, an idea or belief that is not very true is reflected in a small sense of your self, without actually limiting or contracting your Being.
This opening and closing of the Heart in response to the degree of truth you are experiencing isn’t something you need to practice or perfect. Your Heart has been accurately and perfectly showing you how true your experience has been all along. If you start to notice your Heart’s openings and closings, you’ll discover that you already have everything you need to determine what is true. The Heart is the true inner teacher, the source of inner guidance we all have as our birthright. You don’t need a spiritual teacher or spiritual books to show you what is true, just your own Heart.
Exercise: Take a moment to sense your Heart. Dropping into the Heart can help you get more in touch with what is happening there. Notice if the Heart feels relatively contracted or relatively open. In either case, your Heart is working perfectly to show you the degree of truth you are experiencing in this moment. Also notice if your Heart is expanding or contracting in this moment. The movement might be subtle or a fairly gross contraction or relaxation. You may be able to notice that the Heart is always shifting in response to every thought, feeling, desire, and experience that arises in your awareness. There is no wrong way for your Heart to respond. It is always showing you the relative truth of this moment.
WHAT IS THE TRUTH?
Truth is what exists, what is here now. So if what exists is also what is true, then there is only truth. Whatever is present is true—but to varying degrees. Just as there is no actual substance or energy that is darkness, but just varying amounts of the energy of light or photons, there is no falsehood or untruth, only varying degrees of the truth.
We are always experiencing the truth. But because we don’t experience everything in any one moment, our experience of truth is always limited. Sometimes we experience a large amount of truth—of what is actually here—and sometimes we experience only a small amount of what is actually happening, of what is true. Our Heart’s openness or lack of openness in each moment is what shows us how much of the truth is being experienced in any moment.
What about ideas that are mistaken? An idea or belief that has little or no correspondence to external reality is going to be an extremely small truth, so small it may only exist in one person’s mind, like the saying: “He was a legend in his own mind.” When you experience an erroneous idea or belief, your Heart will contract appropriately to show you that it is a very small and inconsequential truth.
For example, if you entertain the idea that you will never be happy unless you have ten million dollars, your Heart will contract appropriately to show you that it is just an idea. This contraction may be very quick, so quick that it doesn’t cause you any discomfort or trouble. But if you really believe this, then the sense of your self will contract for as long as that idea is held.
Exercise: For just a moment, hold onto a limiting thought, such as “I will never have enough time,” and notice the response in your Heart. Does that thought allow you to relax and be, or does it require a kind of effort or contraction just to hold it? Now consider another thought that you find ridiculous because it is so untrue, such as “I will never be happy unless I become President of the United States.” Notice how it might not even be possible to hold onto this thought. It might even make you laugh. Many jokes end with a ridiculously impossible truth (e.g., “And then the dog said to its owner, ‘I guess I should have said Dimaggio instead of Ruth’) and the smallness of the truth of the punch line causes you to let go of believing in it. Laughter is a wonderful movement into a bigger perspective!
Thoughts are real—they exist—but they still exist only as ideas. You could put all the thoughts ever thought into a pile, and they still wouldn’t trip anybody. They only exist as neural firings in the brain, so to focus on thoughts exclusively is to severely limit or contract your experience of reality and therefore the sense of your self.
In the range of everyday experience, our ideas have varying degrees of correspondence with reality. Those that correspond more closely to reality won’t contract or limit the sense of self for as long as mistaken ones. Many ideas are of service to our ability to be at ease in the world. For example, when you need to go someplace, correct ideas about how to get there allow you to simply go there and then move on to other experiences. Ideas such as these can enhance our experience, rather than limit or contract it. An idea about where something is located is, of course, not a big truth, but it’s also not usually experienced as a limiting one.
THE HEART’S CAPACITY TO SHOW YOU THE TRUTH
All there is, is truth, and our Heart’s capacity to reflect the degree of truth in any experience is the way we recognize how true a particular experience is.
What is this Heart? What is this sense of self that is ever present? It doesn’t relate to sensations in the physical heart or chest. It’s a more subtle sense, at times even more subtle than the physical senses, although the opening or contracting can also be experienced as relaxation and contraction in the physical body. The sense of your self, the sense that you exist, is something more intimate than your physical experience.
What does it mean when you say me? What are you referring to when you say me? This simple fact that we are here, that we exist, is a very mysterious aspect of our experience. When we speak of it poetically to try to capture its essence, we call it the Heart, like when you know something in your Heart or when your Heart is touched.
This sense of your self is a very alive and changing experience. At times, your sense of me is open, free-flowing, and expanded. At other times, like when a judgment arises, it feels small, inadequate, and deficient. In these moments, have you actually changed? Has your body suddenly shrunk? Much of the time this sense of me is bigger than or smaller than your physical body. How does that work? Have you ever experienced your inner child? How can your me be the size of a child when you are an adult?
The sense of me, the sense of self, is shifting all the time. It’s always either opening and expanding, or contracting and tightening, similar to the ongoing expansion and contraction of our breathing.
Exercise: Consider the idea that it is better to be thinner or more beautiful or younger than you are, and notice what happens to the sense of your self. Does your Heart open, soften, and expand? Does this idea allow you to simply be? Or does it tighten and restrict the flow of your experience?
Then just for contrast, notice what happens to the sense of your self if you consider the idea that you are okay just the way you are. It might be challenging to consider this idea without other thoughts being triggered, such as “But I’m not really good enough!” If this happens, your Heart will show you how true this response is, not how true the original idea of okayness is.
Just as an experiment, see if you can hold the idea that you’re okay just the way you are, and then notice what happens in your Heart. Does this idea allow your Heart to open, soften, and expand? Does it allow you to simply be? Or does it tighten and restrict the flow of your experience? For most, the idea of being okay just the way they are allows a greater ease and fullness to the experience of the self.
The idea that it is better to be thinner, more beautiful, or younger than you are is simply a smaller truth than the idea that you are perfect the way you are. Even if you are beautiful, thin, or young, the idea that it is better to be that way can limit the sense of your self. If it’s better to be that way, can you just relax and be, or do you need to do something to stay that way?
In contrast, a neutral idea that doesn’t state or imply anything about you can be experienced neutrally in your sense of self. For example, if you consider the color of the ceiling in someone else’s house, this usually won’t open or close your Heart because it’s not about you and probably doesn’t imply anything about you. The sense of your self doesn’t shift in response to neutral ideas like this.
This opening and closing of the Heart is not a prescription—something you need to practice—but simply a description of what your Heart has been doing your entire life. Whatever does happen in the sense of self in any moment is entirely correct and appropriate. It’s appropriate for your Heart to close when someone is telling you a small, limiting truth; and it’s appropriate for your Heart to open when you experience a deep and profound reality.
THE HEART’S QUICKNESS
Your Heart is incredibly quick. It instantly knows how true something is and instantly opens or closes to that degree. It’s so fast that it never really lands anywhere. It is always either opening or closing in response to each moment.
So if a thought triggers another thought, the Heart will then be reflecting the relative truth of the triggered thought, not the original one. And if this triggered thought triggers another one, then your Heart will reflect how true the latest thought is. The openness of your Heart can shift very rapidly, as rapidly as you can think another thought!
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