200+ Mulla Nasrudin Stories and Jokes
Rodney Ohebsion
Published by Rodney Ohebsion at Smashwords
Copyright 2011 Rodney Ohebsion
Introduction
Mulla/Hodja/Hoca Nasrudin is the starring character in a vast number of amusing tales told in regions all over the world, particularly in countries in or near the Middle East. Each tale depicts Nasrudin in a different situation, and through his viewpoint they humorously reveal commentary and lessons on various life themes. The great allure of the Mulla Nasrudin tales is that they are funny as well as lesson filled, philosophical, and thought provoking.
The Mulla Nasrudin Character
Mulla, Hodja, and Hoca are titles from various areas of the world that in early times were used to signify a learned man.
The character Mulla/Hodja/Hoca Nasrudin is sometimes wise, sometimes foolish, and sometimes both. He is a unique spin on a wise sage or philosopher character.
Much of Nasrudin’s actions and can be described as illogical yet logical, rational yet irrational, bizarre yet normal, and simple yet profound. What adds even further to his uniqueness is the way he gets across his messages in unconventional yet very effective methods.
Origins and History
Mulla Nasrudin tales have been passed down for many centuries. It is thought that the Mulla Nasrudin character is based on a real man who lived in the 1300s. However, many countries claim to be the origin of the actual Mulla Nasrudin character and his tales, and it remains uncertain where the man lived and the stories started.
But whatever the origins of Mulla Nasrudin are, pinpointing them has become a trivial point. As generations went by, new stories were added, others were modified, and the character and his tales spread to broader regions. The types of themes and wisdom in his tales have become legendary products of a variety of people’s observations and imaginations. And although most of them depict Nasrudin in an early small village setting, the tales deal with concepts that have relevance to today’s universe and people.
Today, Mulla Nasrudin stories are told in a wide variety of regions, and have been translated into many languages. (It can only be assumed that some regions independently developed a character similar to Mulla Nasrudin, and the stories have become assimilated together.)
In many regions, Mulla Nasrudin is a major part of the culture, and is quoted or alluded to frequently in daily life. Since there are thousands of different Nasrudin stories, one can be found to fit almost any occasion.
Sufis also use Nasrudin stories frequently as learning and meditation tools, similar to the way Zen Buddhism practitioners use koans.
---
The Loan Request
Nasrudin struck up a conversation with a stranger.
Ar one point, he asked, “So how’s business?”
“Great,” the other replied.
“Then can I borrow ten dollars?”
“No. I don’t know you well enough to lend you money,”.
“That’s strange,” replied Nasrudin. “Where I used to live, people wouldn’t lend me money because they knew me; and now that I’ve moved here, people won’t lend me money because they don’t know me!“
The Moving Friend
“Nasrudin,” a friend said one day, “I’m moving to another village. Can I have your ring? That way, I will remember you every time I look at it?”
“Well,” replied Nasrudin, “you might lose the ring and then forget about me. How about I don’t give you a ring in the first place—that way, every time that you look at your finger and don’t see a ring, you’ll definitely remember me.”
Mad at the Fakir
A Fakir claimed that he could teach any illiterate person to read through an “instant technique.”
“OK,” Nasrudin said. “Teach me.”
The Fakir then touched Nasrudin’s head and said, “Now go read something.”
Nasrudin left, and returned to the village square an hour later with an angry look on his face.
“What happened?” asked the villagers. “Can you read now?”
“Indeed I can,” replied Nasrudin, “but that’s not why I came back? Now where is that scoundrel Fakir?”
“Mulla,” the people said, “he taught you to read in no more than a minute. So what makes you think he’s a scoundrel?”
“Well,” Nasrudin explained, “I was just reading a book that asserted, ‘All Fakirs are frauds.’“
Nasrudin’s Delicacy
Nasrudin and two other travelers stopped to eat the lunches each of them had packed for their journey.
One of the travelers bragged, “I only eat roasted salted pistachios, cashews, and dates.”
The other said, “Well, I only eat dried salmon.”
Then both men looked at Nasrudin, waiting to hear what he would say.
Seconds later, Nasrudin held up a piece of bread and confidently announced, “Well, I only eat wheat, ground up and carefully mixed with water, yeast, and salt, and then baked at the proper temperature for the proper time.”
Man Demands Justice
One day, a man ran into Judge Nasrudin’s room and said, “I was just robbed at the border of this village! It must have been someone from here, and I demand justice! The robber took everything from me—my shoes, my pants, my shirt, my coat, my necklace, and even my socks…he took everything, I tell you! I demand justice.”
“Well now,” Nasrudin replied, “I see that you are still wearing you underwear—so the robber didn’t take that, did he?”
“No,” replied the man.
Nasrudin responded, “Then I am sure he was not from here, and thus I cannot investigate your case.”
“How can you be so sure?” the man asked.
“Because if he were from here, he would have taken your underwear as well. After all, we do things thoroughly around here!“
Woman Demands Justice
A woman and man came into Judge Nasrudin’s room one day.
The woman complained, “I was just walking on the street the other day, when this man, whom I never met before, came up to me and kissed me! I demand justice!“
“I agree that you deserve justice,” Nasrudin said. “Therefore, I order that you kiss him and take your revenge.”
I Only Think of Others
Monk: “I have achieved an incredible level of disattachment from myself—so much so that I only think of others, and never of myself.”
Nasrudin: “Well, I have reached a more advanced state than that.”
Monk: “How so?”
Nasrudin: “I am so objective that I can actually look at another person as if he were me, and by doing so, I can think of myself!“
Sack of Vegetables
Nasrudin snuck into someone’s garden and began putting vegetable in his sack. The owner saw him and shouted, “What are you doing in my garden?”
“The wind blew me here,” Nasrudin confidently responded.
“That sounds like bull to me,” was the reply, “but let’s assume that the wind did blow you here. Now then, how can you explain how those vegetables were pulled out from my garden?”
“Oh, that’s simple,” Nasrudin explained. “I had to grab them to stop myself from being thrown any further by the wind.”
“Well,” the man continued, “then tell me this—how did the vegetables get in your sack?”
“You know what,” Nasrudin said, “I was just standing here and wondering that same thing myself!“
Nasrudin is Beaten Up
Nasrudin decided to wear elaborate Arabic clothing one day. When he came home, his wife noticed that the clothing had been torn up to shreds.
“What happened to you?” his she asked. “Did you get beaten up?”
“Yes,” Nasrudin replied.
“But why?” she inquired. “It’s not like people beat up others for wearing an outfit like that.”
“Well,” Nasrudin said, “tell that to a group of Kurds who are looking for an Arab to beat up.”
Cold Day
It was a cold winter day, and a heavily dressed man noticed Nasrudin outside wearing very little clothing.
“Mulla,” the man said, “tell me, how is it that I am wearing all these clothes and still feel a little cold, whereas you are barely wearing anything yet seem unaffected by the weather?”
“Well,” replied Nasrudin, “I don’t have any more clothes, so I can’t afford to feel cold, whereas you have plenty of clothes, and thus have the liberty to feel cold.”
Meal or Preaching?
The local religious leader invited Nasrudin over for dinner one night.
Nasrudin, not having eaten much that day, was famished when he got there, and eger to eat as soon as possible.
After two hours, however, the religious leader had yet to offer Nasrudin any food, and instead spoke nonstop about a variety of religious topics.
As Nasrudin grew more annoyed with each passing minute, he finally interrupted the man and said, “May I ask you something?”
“What?” the religious leader answered, eager to hear some religious question that would prompt him to continue talking.
“I was just wondering,” Nasrudin said, “did any of the people in your stories ever eat?”
Are You Asleep?
Nasrudin was lying on his couch with his eyes closed.
His brother-in-law went up to him and asked, “Are you asleep?”
“Why do you ask?” Nasrudin replied.
“I was wondering if you could lend me three hundred dollars,” said the other.
“Well,” answered Nasrudin, “let’s return to your fist question—‘Am I asleep.’ The answer is yes I am—so leave me alone!“
Son Searching For a Wife
Nasrudin, knowing his son was looking for a wife, asked him what type of wife he wanted.
“One who is intelligent and expressive“ the latter replied.
“OK,” replied Nasrudin, “I’ll help you find such a woman.”
So as part of his plan, Nasrudin led his son to the town square. He then slapped his son in front of all the people and exclaimed, “This is what you get for doing exactly what I told you to do!“
One young lady saw this and remarked, “Stop hitting him. How can you punish him for obeying what you said?”
When the son heard this, he turned to his father and said, “She seems like the right woman for me—don’t you think so?”
“Well,” replied Nasrudin, “she is certainly expressive and intelligent, but perhaps ther’e a woman out there who isan even better fit for you.”
So Nasrudin led his son the neighboring area’s town square and repeated the same scene. This time, a young lady saw this and said, “Go ahead and hit him. Only a fool would follow orders so blindly.”
When Nasrudin heard this, he said to his son, “The first woman, she was intelligent and expressive—but this woman is on an entirely higher level altogether. I think we’ve found your future wife.”
Nasrudin Plays Guitar
Nasrudin was at the town square one day, and a group of people asked him if he knew how to play the guitar.
Nasrudin didn’t know how, but he replied, “Yes, I do. I am a masterful guitar player—in fact, I am one of the best in the world!“
The people, expecting him to make such a boast, immediately produced a guitar and asked him to play it.
Nasrudin took the guitar and started playing only one string, and continued to play only on that one string. After a minute of this, someone finally interrupted him and asked, “Mulla! Guitar players move their fingers and play a variety of strings. Why are you only playing one of them?”
“Well,” Nasrudin replied, “those players keep on changing strings because they are searching for a specific one. I found it on my first try—so why should I switch to another one?”
Nasrudin Gets a Cow
One day, Nasrudin’s wife told him, “Let’s buy a cow so that we can have milk every day.
Nasrudin replied, “We don’t have enough space in our yard for my donkey and a new cow.”
But despite Nasrudin’s objection, his wife persisted until he finally gave in.
So he bought the cow—and just he predicted, it crowded his beloved donkey in the barn. This prompted Nasrudin to start praying one night, saying, “Dear God, please kill the cow, so my wife can’t bother me about it anymore, and so my donkey can live in peace.”
The next day, Nasrudin went into the barn and was dismayed to discover that his donkey was dead! He looked up and said, “God, I don’t mean to offend you or anything, but let me ask you this—after all these years, do you mean to tell me that you still can’t tell the difference between a cow and a donkey?”
“Stand On One Leg”
A group of robbers broke into Nasrudin’s house one night and demanded Nasrudin’s money.
“Sirs—” Nasrudin said “—if I could, I would gladly give you a million dollars; but unfortunately I am rather low on funds right now, and only have this twenty dollar bill in my pocket.”
And with saying so, Nasrudin took out the bill and handed it to the robbers.
They, however, were greatly angered, and decided to spend the night at Nasrudin’s house and punish him. “Stand on one foot for the rest of the night!” they demanded.
Nasrudin did as he was told, and the robbers went to sleep while one stayed on guard. After an hour, the guard said to Nasrudin, “Listen, I’ll let you switch to the other leg.”
“Oh, thank you,” Nasrudin replied. “You’re a much better person than the rest of your group. My money is actually in my shoes in the closet. You can go take it—but don’t give any to them.”
Man is Stuck in Tree
One day, a local man climbed up a rather tall tree.
Shortly thereafter, however, as he tried to make his way back down, he soon discovered that the trip down might not be as easy as the trip up. In fact, try as he might, he simply could not figure out a way to get down the tree without putting his body at great risk of falling to the ground.
He asked a few passers-by for help, but no one knew what to do.
A few local people gathered near him and tried to help, but he remained stuck.
Then Nasrudin walked by and devised a plan. He threw a rope up to the man and said, “Tie this around your waist.”
The people nearby wondered about what Nasrudin was doing. They asked him his plan, but he calmly replied, “Just trust me—this works.”
When the man had the rope tied around his waist, Nasrudin pulled on the rope. Upon his doing this, the man fell from the tree and hurt himself. The bystanders, horrified to see this happen, remarked, “What kind of a plan was that?”
“Well,” Nasrudin replied, “I once saved someone’s life doing the exact same thing.”
“Are you sure,” one man asked.
“Yes,” Nasrudin replied. “The only thing I’m not sure about is whether I saved him from a well or from a tree.”
Flat Bread
The tax collector in Nasrudin’s town was corrupt and accepted many bribes. One day, the mayor asked the tax collector to present his records for examination.
Upon studying them and realizing that they were falsified, the mayor, infuriated with rage, shouted to the tax collector, “Not only are you fired, I also order you to eat these papers you have presented me while we all watch!”
So he did as he was ordered, while the court attendants watched in amazement as he ate all the paper. Soon the news of what had happened spread throughout the town.
About a week later, the mayor appointed Nasrudin as the town’s new tax collector. When the mayor asked him to present his records the next week, Nasrudin handed him noon-eh-lavash (flat bread) with the records written on them.
The mayor asked, “Why did you write your records on noon-eh-lavash?
“Well,” Nasrudin replied, “I saw what happened to the other guy, so I wrote these on bread just in case you would make me eat them as well.”
The Guarantee
One day at the King’s court, the King turned to Nasrudin and said, “Mulla. Since you are constantly reminding us of how clever and wise you are, tell me this: can you teach your donkey to read?”
“Absolutely,” replied Nasrudin. “A task like that would present me with no problems whatsoever.”
“Don’t mess with me,” said the King. “Seriously, can you do it?”
“Yes, I mean it,” Nasrudin replied, “and I’ll tell you what: just give me fifty thousand dollars right now, and I’ll guarantee I’ll have this donkey reading within eight years.”
“OK,” said the King. “But that donkey isn’t reading by then, I’ll put you in prison and have you tortured daily.”
So they agreed, and Nasrudin left the court.
The next day, Nasrudin’s friend asked about what happened.
“Are you out of your mind?” he said. “You can barely teach your donkey to stand still, and now you’ve guaranteed that he’ll be reading within eight years. Nasrudin-I don’t see how you’ll be able to escape a long prison sentence for this.”
“Listen,” the Mulla calmly replied, “several years from now, our King will probably be dead or out of power. And even if he manages to last as our King for that long, odds are my donkey will have passed on by then. And in the unlikely event that neither he nor my donkey is gone by seven years time, I’ll still have an entire year to plan my way out of getting punished.”
Nasrudin Wants a Divorce
Nasrudin went to the village judge and asked to be granted a divorce from his wife.
But when the judge asked what her name was, Nasrudin replied, “I don’t know.”
Greatly surprised to hear this, the latter asked, “Well how long have you been married to her?’
“Five years,” said Nasrudin.
The judge, now in a state of disbelief, had to ask once again.
“Do you mean to tell me that after five year of marriage, you do not know your wife’s name?”
“That is correct,” Nasrudin replied.
“Why not?” asked the judge.
“Because,” Nasrudin explained, “I did not have social relations with her.”
The Triplets
Nasrudin’s wife was pregnant and due to give birth any day.
One night, as they both slept, she turned to him and said, “Husband, the baby is coming.”
And on her saying so, Nasrudin lit a candle and watched his newborn baby come out.
But minutes later, he watched as yet another baby come out. And just minutes after that, he watched his wife give birth to a third child.
Finally, after seeing three babies ___ , Nasrudin blew out the candle.
“Why did you do that?” asked his wife.
“Well,” said Nasrudin, “while the light was on, one child was born, and then another, and then another. If I had kept it on, who knows how many more there would be!“
The Baby is Crying
Late one night, Nasrudin’s baby started crying.
Nasrudin’s wife turned to him and said, “Husband, go take care of the baby. After all, he is not only mine—he is also half yours.”
Nasrudin sleepily remarked, “You can go stop your half from crying if you want—but as for me, I will let my half continue to cry.”
Man Searches for Joy
One day, Nasrudin began talking to a man from another town. The man lamented, “I am rich, but I am also sad and miserable. I have taken my money and gone traveling in search of joy-but alas, I have yet to find it.”
As the man continued speaking, Nasrudin grabbed the man’s bag and ran off with it. The man chased him, and Nasrudin soon ran out of the man’s sight. He hid behind a tree, and put the bag in the open road for the man to see.
When the man caught up, he located the bag, and his facial expression immediately turned from distress to joy. As the man danced in celebration of finding his bag, Nasrudin thought to himself, “That’s one way to bring joy to a sad man.”
Nasrudin is Taken to Court by His New Wife
About a year after Nasrudin’s first wife died, he married a widow.
As they lay in bed one evening, she said, “You know, my first husband was a really exemplary person.”
Nasrudin, annoyed to hear about her first husband, responded, “Well, my first wife was incredibly lovely and charming.”
“Well,” she replied, “my first husband was a fabulous dresser.”
“My first wife was a tremendous cook,” countered Nasrudin.
“My first husband was a brilliant mathematician,” replied the other.
“My first wife was a masterful organizer.”
“My first husband was remarkably strong.”
And as they both continued trading praise of their deceased spouses, Nasrudin became so annoyed that he pushed his new wife off the bed, causing her to injure her hand.
Infuriated and wanting justice, she took him to the local judge and told him what happened.
After the judge heard her account of what happened, he turned to Nasrudin and said, “OK—now let’s hear your side of the story.”
“Your honor,” Nasrudin said, “we have a bed that fits only two people. But last night, when my first wife and my new wife’s first husband were added, my new wife was pushed off the bed, fell, and hurt her hand.”
Cow Gets Stuck
One day, a cow drinking water from a container got its head stuck in the container’s narrow passage.
The cow’s owner and various passersby noticed what had happened, and some tried to prod the cow’s head out—but alas, the cow remained stuck, much to the
Then Nasrudin walked by.
“What happened,” Nasrudin asked.
“My cow’s head is stuck in that container,” replied the animal’s owner, “and we don’t know what we should do. Mulla, do you have any ideas?”
Nasrudin examined the cow and container, and then said, “Cut off the cow’s head.”
So the man followed Nasrudin’s advice, causing the cow’s head to drop into the container.
“What should I do now?” the man asked.
“Break the container,” replied Nasrudin, “and take out the cow’s head.”
A Burglar in the House
As Nasrudin and his wife lay in bed one night, the latter woke Nasrudin up and, full of distress, said, “Nasrudin-I hear a burglar in our house! Go get him!“
Nasrudin calmly replied to her, “I think we’d be better of just letting him do what he wants. After all, we don’t have anything good for him to steal; and if we’re lucky, he might leave something for us.”
“Don’t be absurd, replied his wife, “That won’t happen.”
“Well then,” said Nasrudin, “perhaps he’ll find something good to steal, and then I can steal it from him.”
Nasrudin Almost Falls into a Lake
One day, Nasrudin slipped and nearly fell into a lake, but was caught by a friend walking next to him.
From then on, every time Nasrudin encountered the friend, the latter was sure to bring up the incident and make a big deal about it.
After months passed and Nasrudin could take no more of this, he led the friend to the same lake, and, with clothes and shoes still on, deliberately jumped right into the water! As he lay in the water, he remarked to the friend, “Now I’m as wet as I would have been if you didn’t save me that day…so for goodness sake, please stop reminding me about it!“
Have You Ever Seen Me Before?
Nasrudin walked into a store one day, and the owner greeted him.
“Wait a second,” said Nasrudin. “Have you ever seen me before?”
“Never,” said the man.
“Then how do you know it was me?” replied Nasrudin.
Walnuts and Watermelons
As Nasrudin rested under a tall walnut tree one day, he looked a few yards to his side and noticed a big watermelon growing on a thin vine near the ground.
Nasrudin looked up and said, “Great God, please permit me to ask you this: why is it that walnuts grow on big strong trees, while watermelons grow on think weak vines. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?”
But at that very moment, a walnut fell from high on up in the tree and hit Nasrudin square on the head.
“Ah!“ remarked Nasrudin. “I suppose Nature’s ways might not be as backward as I thought. After all, if a big watermelon fell out of the tree and onto my head, it might have killed me!“
Center of the Earth
Friend: “Nasrudin, do you know where the center of the earth is?”
Nasrudin: “As a matter of fact, I know exactly where it is.”
“Where?”
“Directly under the right hoof of my donkey.”
“What! How can you be so sure?”
“Well—if you don’t believe me, you can measure it for yourself.”
Did You Enjoy the Stew?
Nasrudin was invited to the royal palace for dinner one night. During the meal, the King asked Nasrudin if he enjoyed the stew.
“Yes,” replied Nasrudin, “it was fantastic.”
“Really?” said the King. “I thought it was pretty bad.”
“Yes,” said Nasrudin, “you’re right—it was quite awful.”
“Wait a minute,” remarked the King. “You just said it was fantastic a few seconds ago.”
“That’s correct,” explained Nasrudin, “but I live in and serve the town of the King, not the stew.”
The Crowded Home
Nasrudin was talking to his neighbor one day, and the neighbor lamented, “I’m really having trouble fitting my family in our small house. It’s me, my wife, my three kids, and my mother-in-law-all sharing the same cottage. Mulla Nasrudin, you are a wise man. Do you have any advice for me?”
“Yes,” replied Nasrudin. “Do you have any chickens in your yard?
“I have ten,” the man replied.
“Put them in the house,” said Nasrudin.
“But Mulla,” the man remarked, “our house is already cramped as it is.”
“Just try it,” replied Nasrudin.
The man, desperate to find a solution to his spacing woes, followed Nasrudin’s advice, and paid him another visit the next day.
“Mulla,” he said, “things are even worse now. With the chickens in the house, we are even more pressed for space.”
“Now take that donkey of yours,” replied Nasrudin, “and bring it in the house.”
The man bemoaned and objected, but Nasrudin convinced him to do it.
The next day, the man, now looking more distressed than ever, came up to Nasrudin and said, “Now my home is even more crowded! Between my family, the chickens, and that donkey of mine, there is barely any room to move.”
“Well then,” said Nasrudin, “do you have any other animals in your yard?”
“Yes,” the man replied, “we have a goat.”
“OK,” said the other. “Take the goat in your house too.”
The man once again raised a fuss and seemed anything but eager to follow Nasrudin’s advice, but Nasrudin once again convinced him to put yet another animal in the house.
The next day, the man, now full of _ and _ , came up to Nasrudin and exclaimed, “My family is really upset now. Everyone is at my throat complaining about the lack of space. Your plan is making us miserable.”
“OK,” Nasrudin replied, “now take all of the animals back outside.”
So the man followed his advice, and the next day, he dropped by Nasrudin and remarked, “Mulla-your plan has worked like a charm. With all the animals out, my house is so spacious that none of us can help but being pleased and uncomplaining.”
The Meeting
Nasrudin went to a wealthy man’s home one day for a business appointment. As he walked towards the front door, he looked through a side window and saw the man eating soup.
Nasrudin continued to the front, and knocked on the door.
The man’s son opened it.
“Hi,” said Nasrudin. “I am here to see your father.
“Well,” other replied, “my father went out and won’t be back for many hours.”
“OK,” said Nasrudin, “but tell your father that the next time he leaves the house, he should remember not to leave his head near his home’s window!“
Nasrudin’s Shirt Falls
As Nasrudin and his wife sat in their yard one day, a strong sudden gust of win blew a shirt from their roof clothesline right next to the wife’s foot.
After seeing this happen, Nasrudin began offering thanks to God.
“Husband,” his wife asked, “why are you thanking God after having seen your shirt fall from the roof?”
The other explained, “I am thanking God that I was not in the shirt at the time.”
Nasrudin Preaches
Nasrudin was scheduled to give a religious speech one day to an all-male audience, but had no particular topic in mind.
He thought of one, and began preaching:
“Gentleman,” he said. “We must stop allowing our wives to wear make-up. It is inappropriate, indecent, impure, wicked, and by all means sinful. Any man who let’s his wife wear make-up should be ashamed of himself!“
“But Mullah,” said one of the men, “your wife always wears make-up!“
“Yes, that’s true,” Nasrudin remarked. “And it looks great on her, doesn’t it?”
Pricing the Conqueror
One day, the town’s new conqueror asked Nasrudin, “If I were a slave, how much would I cost?”
“Five hundred dollars,” Nasrudin responded.
“What!“ the conqueror shouted in great anger. “Just the clothes I’m wearing right now are worth five hundred dollars!“
“Yes,” replied Nasrudin, “I factored the clothes into my price.”
Backwards
A group of local men spotted Nasrudin riding on his donkey, but facing the wrong way.
“Nasrudin,” they said, “you are sitting on your donkey the wrong way around.”
“Hey,” Nasrudin replied, “don’t blame me-it’s actually the donkey who is facing backwards.”
The next day, the local men once again spotted Nasrudin riding his donkey backwards. This time, they asked, “So you couldn’t figure out how to make the donkey face forwards?”
“Actually,” Nasrudin responded, “this time he is forwards, and I am forwards as well. It you guys who are facing backwards!“
Complaints About Nasrudin’s Wife
One day, the local people complained to Nasrudin, “Your wife is always walking here and there, going to all sorts of different places. ‘Tis improper for a woman. For God’s sake, Mulla, tell her that she should stop moving around so much.”
“OK,” reaplied Nasrudin. “If she ever comes to our house, I’ll be sure to tell her.”
The Cover Up
A guest of Nasrudin rubbed his shoe on the floor while farting in order to ___ .
“’Twas clever of you to cover the sound with your shoe, “said Nasrudin, “but you also should have figured out a way to hide the smell.”
Nasrudin Eats Dates
A man noticed Nasrudin eating dates with their seeds.
“Why are you eating the seeds“ the man asked.
“Because,” explained Nasrudin, “the merchant who sold them to me included the weight of the seeds.”
Nasrudin Laments
In the days following the death of Nasrudin’s wife, Nasrudin’s friends noticed that he didn’t seem to be very shaken up. However, after his donkey died the following week, he appeared visibly upset and quite unconsolable.
His friends, puzzled by his reactions, asked him why the death of his donkey seemed to upset him so much more than the death of his wife.
“Well,” Nasrudin explained, “when my wife died, everyone consoled me and assured me they would find me another wife in no time at all. But when my donkey died, nobody seemed to care the least bit, and nobody offered to get me a new donkey!“
Grammar
Nasrudin was ferrying a traveler across a lake. As they spoke on various subjects, Nasrudin made a minor grammatical error.
The traveler remarked, “You who wears a turban and calls himself a Mulla-have you ever studied grammar?”
“No,” Nasrudin admitted, “I have not covered that subject in depth.”
“Well then,” the traveler replied,” you have wasted half of your life!“
Several minutes later, Nasrudin turned to the traveler and asked, “Have you ever learned how to swim?”
“No,” the traveler responded.
“Well then,” Nasrudin replied, “you have wasted all your life-for there is a hole in the boat, and we are sinking!“
Nasrudin is Lost
Nasrudin got lost in the jungle one day, and as the hours passed and nighttime approached, he still hadn’t managed to find his way out.
Tired, hungry, and alarmed, Nasrudin knelt to the ground and began praying: “Dear God. Please help me find my way out here. If you do, I promise to pray regularly and be more religious. I give you my word.”
As he prayed, a bird passed over him and dropped some shit right on his head.
“God,” said Nasrudin, “please don’t give me any of that right now-I am seriously lost!“
Across the River
Nasrudin was standing near a river. A man on the other side shouted to him, “Hey! How can I get across the river?”
“You are across!“ Nasrudin shouted back.
Your Eyes Are Very Red
Nasrudin, suffering from some eye irritation, went to see a doctor.
The doctor took a look at him and said, “Your eyes are very red.”
“Do they also ache?” asked Nasrudin.
Three Times Two
While Nasrudin was staying in another town, a local man asked him what three times two was.
“Four,” Nasrudin replied.
“You are wrong,” the man said. “The answer is six.”
“Actually,” explained Nasrudin, “I am not wrong. We use different type of math where I am from.”
Nasrudin Gets Engaged
Nasrudin, having just got engaged to a new woman in town, went to his fiancée’s home to meet his future mother-in-law.
“Tell me,” she said, “are you sure that this is the first time you are getting married?”
“Yes,” Nasrudin replied, “I swear on my four kids that I have never been married before.”
Nasrudin Offers Friend Strawberries
Nasrudin had a friend over at his house.
“Have some of these strawberries,” Nasrudin said.
“Thank you,” replied the friend, “but I have already eaten five of them.”
“I usually don’t count,” Nasrudin replied, “but you actually ate ten.”
Wrestling Dreams
One day, Nasrudin went to the local doctor and told him, “Every night for the past month and a half, I have dreamt I *dreams in which I have wrestling matches with donkeys.”
The doctor gave Nasrudin an herb and said, “Eat this, and your dreams will go away.”
“Can I start taking them tomorrow?” Nasrudin asked.
“Why?” the doctor inquired.
“Because I’m scheduled to wrestle in the championship match tonight,” Nasrudin replied.
One Apple Per Answer
A man at the village center began asking the locals a variety of questions—but they, being unable to answer most of them, referred the man to Nasrudin.
“Can you help me out and answer a few questions?” the man asked Nasrudin.
Nasrudin eyed a sack of apples the man was carrying and replied, “I’ll answer each question for one apple.”
The man agreed, asked the questions one by one, and paid an apple each time—each of which Nasrudin immediately ate while he answered the question. Finally, the man ran out of apples.
“OK,” the man said. “I’m going to go now. But before I do, I just want to know one thing.”
“What?” Nasrudin asked.
“How did you eat so many apples?”.
“Since you have no more apples,” Nasrudin responded, “I can’t answer you.”
Nasrudin’s New Child
Friend: “Congratulations, Nasrudin. I heard you had a new child.”
Nasrudin: “Yes.”
“Is it a boy?”
“No.”
“Is it a girl?”
“Yes. How did you know?”
Instructions
Nasrudin was very old and on the verge of dying.
He turned to his wife and said, “After I die and am buried, don’t put a stone plaque over my body.”
“Why?” his wife asked.
“Because,” Nasrudin explained, “I don’t want to hit my head on it when I am ascending to heaven.”
Nasrudin’s Curse
One of Nasrudin’s enemies noticed Nasrudin’s donkey parked outside a store, and began urinating on its harness.
Seconds later, Nasrudin caught the man in the act.
“You scoundrel! By the grace of God, I put a curse on you“and in one week, you will badly injure your leg.”
The man, quite distressed to hear the curse, began to worry that it might come true; and as he walked away from Nasrudin, he was so full of anxiety and fear that he accidentally tripped on a rock.
After falling, he grabbed his leg and exclaimed, “Oh, my leg! The pain is excruciating. Nasrudi—you said it would be injured in seven days, and yet, here I am with a broken leg, just seconds after your curse.”
“Then that was the result of someone else’s curse,” Nasrudin replied. “When my curse comes to fruition, you’ll have to crawl on your hands and knees.”
When Will the World End?
Philosopher: “I have been traveling, researching, and contemplating for years, trying to determine when the end of the world will be-yet I still have not found out the answer. Mulla, do you know when the end of the world will be?”
Nasrudin: “Yes-I have known that information for a long time.”
“Well, will you share this knowledge with me?”
“Of course. When I die, that will be the end of the world.”
“Are you certain it will?”
“It will be for me.”
Which End of the World?
Man: “Mulla, when do you think the end of the world will come?”
Nasrudin: “Which end of the world do you mean?”
“How many ends of the world are there?”
“Two?”
“Explain.”
“When my wife dies, that will be the first. When I die, that will be the second.”
The Thief
One night, a thief broke into Nasrudin’s house and began putting items in a sack. Nasrudin then joined him and added a few items.
The thief was so bewildered that he turned to Nasrudin and asked, “What in the world are you doing?”
“Well,” Nasrudin replied, “I thought we were moving, so I began helping you pack.”
The Discussion
One day, a man came up Nasrudin, and they began to discuss a variety of matters, including local gossip, personal issues, their families, businesses, and philosophy topics.
After about twenty minutes, the man said, “I must be going now.”
“Excuse me friend,” replied Nasrudin, “but who are you?”
“Do you mean to tell me that you don’t know who I am?”
“No.”
“Then why have you been talking to me for twenty minutes on all sorts of personal matters?”
“Well, I saw your clothes, beard, and turban, and I mistook you for someone else.”
“Who?”
“Me.”
Get Me a Pencil and Piece of Paper
One night, Nasrudin awoke and exclaimed to his wife, “Wife! Please get up! I have just been divinely inspired! Get me a pencil and piece of paper at once!“
His wife lit a candle, fetched the pencil and paper, and handed it to Nasrudin.
Nasrudin wrote rapidly, and was about to put out the candle and go back to sleep when his wife exclaimed, “Wait. Please read me what you wrote.
Nasrudin picked up the paper and read, “Wherever you go, there you are.”
The Guest
Nasrudin heard a knock at his door one night. He opened the door, and the man standing there said, “Mullah, can you help a brother out and provided me with some shelter for the night. I am God’s nephew.”
“Oh, is that so?” asked Nasrudin.
“It surely is,” the man replied.
“Well then,” remarked Nasrudin, “for an exalted guest such as yourself, I must offer only the most exalted place to spend the night.”
Nasrudin stepped outside and closed his door, and then turned to the man and said, “Follow me.”
The man curiously followed Nasrudin.
Hundreds of meters later, they reached the local Mosque.
Nasrudin turned to the man and said, “And what better place could I offer you to stay the night than here at your own uncle’s house!“
The Pot
Nasrudin borrowed a pot from his friend. The next day, he gave the friend back the pot, plus another smaller pot.
The friend looked at the small pot, and said, “What’s that?”
“Your pot gave birth while I had it,” said Nasrudin, “so I am giving you its child.”
The friend, happy to receive the bonus, did not ask another question.
A week later, Nasrudin once again borrowed the original pot from the friend. After a week passed, the friend asked Nasrudin to return it.
“I can’t,” said Nasrudin.
“Why not?” the friend asked.
“Well,” Nasrudin answered, “I hate to be the bearer of bad news…but your pot has died.”
“What?” the friend asked with skepticism. “A pot can’t die!“
“Well, you believed it gave birth,” said Nasrudin, “so is why is it that you can’t believe it died?
The Lamp
Nasrudin and his wife were sleeping late one night, and were awoken by the sound of two men arguing intensely in the street.
“I’m going to go find out what they’re fighting about.” Nasrudin told his wife.
“Just go back to sleep,” his wife remarked. “This has nothing to do with you.”
“Fine,” Nasrudin said.
But as the two men outside continued arguing, Nasrudin took picked up his lamp and decided to go out and see what the commotion was about. As soon as he got outside, one of the men grabbed his lamp and ran off with it.
Nasrudin returned to his bed. His wife asked him, “What were they fighting about.”
“My lamp,” Nasrudin replied, “As soon as they got it, they stopped fighting.”
The Hole
Nasrudin was digging outside, and his neighbor asked him, “What are you working on?”
“Well,” Nasrudin replied, “There’s a lot of excess dirt on the road, so I’m digging a hole to bury it in.”
“But what are you going to do with the dirt that you ’re digging out of this new hole?” said the neighbor.
“Hey,” Nasrudin replied, “I can’t attend to every single detail.”
The Weight Lifting Contest
One day, as Nasrudin and sonme other locals chatted at the town square, a bragging contest soon developed among the group.
One by one they spoke of amazing feats they accomplished, each tale seeming more outlandish than the last.
Finally, after hearing everyone else, Nasrudin stood up and took his turn. “A long time ago, all the strong men in town wanted to decide who was the strongest. There was this massive tipped-over pillar near the grocery store, and they decided to see if anyone could lift it. One by one, each of them tried, and one by one, each of them failed. Keep in mind that these were massive, muscular guys. Then I stepped up. I rubbed my hands together, and gripped the pillar as all the others watched.”
“Yes, go on!“ the others remarked. “And then what happened?”
“And then I found out I couldn’t pick it up, either!“ replied Nasrudin.
The Strength Test
Nasrudin and some others were in the town square one day, and the topic of conversation turned to how they changed since they were younger. Some of them talked about how they were wiser, and some talked about how they were weaker. Nasrudin spoke up and said, “Not only am I wiser than I used to be, I’m as strong as I was in my youth.”
“Are you sure?” One of them asked.
“Yes. I’ve tested it,” Nasrudin replied.
“How did you test it?” they asked.
“Well there is this big rock outside my house. I couldn’t lift it when I was young, and I still can’t lift it now.”
Man Waits for an Hour
A local man was proclaiming that no one could trick him. Nasrudin heard this, and said to him one day, “Just wait here for a while, and I’ll figure out how to trick you.”
The man waited and waited and waited. A merchant from a cross the street noticed him, and asked, “What are you waiting here for?”
The man replied, “I’ve been waiting here for an hour, just to see if Nasrudin can trick me. He still hasn’t come back yet.”
“Well then,” the merchant said, “it appears that you needn’t wait here any longer, for you’ve already been tricked.”
Nasrudin’s Discovery
Nasrudin was hanging a painting in his room. As he hammered the nail, he accidentally hit too hard, and made a big hole in his wall. He looked through it and saw goats on the other side, but did not realize that he was looking into his neighbor’s yard.
Nasrudin immediately ran to his wife and exclaimed, “Wife! You are not going to believe this! Guess what!“
“What?” she replied.
“I was hanging a painting in my room, and…you’re not going to believe this!“ Nasrudin exclaimed.
“What!“ his wife asked curiously.
“My hammer went through the wall, and…this is really incredible,” Nasrudin said.
“What?” his wife replied, now totally full of anticipation.
“I accidentally discovered another universe right in my room—a universe of goats!“.
Nasrudin’s Cherry Logic
Nasrudin loaded a barrel of cherries on his donkey, and went off to the bazaar to sell them. On his way, a group of about a dozen children noticed him, and were elated to see all the cherries he was carrying. They began dancing and singing in anticipation of eating cherries.
“Mulla,” they said, “please give us some.”
Now, Nasrudin was in a dilemma. On one hand, he adored children and did not want to disappoint them; but on the other hand, he loved profits and did not want to sacrifice them either.
After thinking the matter over, he took six cherries out of the barrel and gave them to the children.
“Can we have more?” the children asked.
“Listen,” Nasrudin replied, “these cherries all taste the same. What difference does it make if each of you eats half a cherry, or each of you eats fifty?”
Feud With the Donkey
One day, Nasrudin was standing in the street, and a donkey came behind him and kicked him in the rear, sending him flying in the air and hitting the ground.
Several days later, Nasrudin spotted the same donkey secured to a tree by its owner, and he immediately picked up a stick and began beating it.
The donkey’s owner noticed this, and yelled out, “Hey! What do you think you are doing to my donkey? Stop that immediately“
“This has nothing to do with you,” Nasrudin answered. “It is between me and the donkey. He knows exactly why I am beating him.”
How to Become Wise
Friend: “Nasrudin, how does one become wise?”
Nasrudin: “Listen attentively to wise people when they speak. And when someone is listening to you, listen attentively to what you are saying!“
The Doctor
Nasrudin’s wife felt sick one morning, and asked Nasrudin to go get a doctor. As he got dressed and rushed out the house, his wife yelled out to him, “I suddenly feel better. I don’t need a doctor anymore.”
Nasrudin continued running out the house until he got to the doctor’s house. The doctor opened the door, and Nasrudin began explaining, “Doctor, my wife was sick this morning, and told me to go get a doctor. As I left the house, she suddenly recovered, and told me that she didn’t need a doctor anymore. So now I have come here to tell you that you don’t need to bother coming to our house.”
Carrying the Oranges
Nasrudin was riding a donkey, and at the same time was supporting a sack of oranges over his shoulder. His friends saw him and asked, “Why are you going to the trouble of carrying that sack over your shoulder. Why don’t you just attach it to the donkey?”
Nasrudin replied, “I am not an abusive man. My donkey already has to carry me-do you think it would be fair to add the weight of these oranges?”
The Town Gossip
The Town Gossip: “Nasrudin, I just saw some men delivering a huge tub of stew.”
Nasrudin: “What’s it to me?”
The Town Gossip: “They were taking it to your house.”
Nasrudin: “What’s it to you?”
Nasrudin’s Vinegar Principle
Friend: “Nasrudin, I heard that you have a barrel of thirty year old vinegar. Is it true?”
Nasrudin: “Yes.”
Friend: “Can I have some?”
Nasrudin: “No.”
Friend: “Why not?”
Nasrudin: “Well, it’s just the principal of the matter.”
Friend: “What do you mean? What principle?”
Nasrudin: “The principle that if I had given some vinegar to everyone who asked me for some, I would not have any thirty year old vinegar.”
Balancing the Earth
Man: “Nasrudin, how come every morning, some people are traveling in one direction, and some in others?”
Nasrudin: “Because if everyone traveled in the same direction, the Earth would tip over!“
The Lost Ring
A man noticed Nasrudin intently inspecting the ground outside his door.
“Mulla,” he said, “what are you looking for?”
“I’m looking for a ring I dropped,” Nasrudin replied.
“Oh,” the man replied as he also began searching. “Well where exactly were you standing when you dropped it?”
“In my bedroom,” Nasrudin replied, “not more than a foot in front of my bed.”
“Your bedroom?!“ the man aasked. “Then why are you searching for it out here near your doorway.
“Because,” Nasrudin explained, “there is much more light out here.”
Nasrudin the Proud Parent
Nasrudin and a friend were watching Nasrudin’s children.
.The friend asked Nasrudin’s young son, “What is a dilettante?”
The son replied, “That is an herb used for seasoning.”
A delighted Nasrudin turned to his friend and said, “Did you hear that? What a fine boy I have. Just like his father. He made up an answer all by himself!“
Early Bird Gets the Worm?
Friend: “Nasrudin, you should get up early in the mornings.”
Nasrudin: “Why?”
“Well, as they say, ‘the early bird gets the worm.’“
“Well, I still don’t know if getting up early has any merit to me. After all, I am not hunting for worms.”
“I thought you might say that. But listen to this. A few days ago, I woke up at sunrise and went for a walk, and on my way, I came across a gold ring lying right on the ground!“
“Well how do you know it wasn’t lost the night before that?
“I’m sure it wasn’t. I was on the same road the night before and did not see it.”
“Well, then, that shows that it isn’t always so great to get up early.”
“Why is that?”
“Because the person who lost that gold must have gotten up earlier than you did!“
The Stranger’s Request
One day, Nasrudin was repairing his roof, and was interrupted by a stranger knocking on his door.
“What do you want?” Nasrudin shouted down to him from the roof.
“Come down so I can tell you,” the stranger replied.
Nasrudin angrily climbed down the ladder.
“Well!“ Nasrudin snapped at the stranger, “What’s so important?”
“Can you spare some money for this poor old man?” asked the stranger.
Nasrudin started climbing up the ladder. He turned to the old man and, “Follow me up to the roof.”
The latter did, and when they both reached the roof, Nasrudin turned to him again and said, “No, you can’t have any money. Now get off my roof!“
What in the World Were You Smuggling?
Nasrudin the smuggler was leading a donkey that had bundles of straw on its back. An experienced border inspector spotted Nasrudin coming to his border.
“Halt,” the inspector said. “What is your business here?”
“I am an honest smuggler!“ replied Nasrudin.
“Oh, really?” said the inspector. “Well, let me search those straw bundles. If I find something in them, you are required to pay a border fee!“
“Do as you wish,” Nasrudin replied, “but you will not find anything in those bundles.”
The inspector intensively searched and took apart the bundles, but could not find a single thing in them. He turned to Nasrudin and said, “I suppose you have managed to get one by me today. You may pass the border.”
Nasrudin crossed the border with his donkey while the annoyed inspector looked on. And then the very next day, Nasrudin once again came to the border with a straw-carrying donkey. The inspector saw Nasrudin coming and thought, “I’ll get him for sure this time.”
He checked the bundles of straw again, and then searched through the Nasrudin’s clothing, and even went through the donkey’s harness. But once again he came up empty handed and had to let Nasrudin pass.
This same pattern continued every day for several years, and every day Nasrudin wore more and more extravagant clothing and jewelry that indicated he was getting wealthier. Eventually, the inspector retired from his longtime job, but even in retirement he still wondered about the man with the straw-carrying donkey.
“I should have checked that donkey’s mouth more extensively,” he thought to himself. “Or maybe he hid something in the donkey’s rectum.”
Then one day he spotted Nasrudin’s face in a crowd. “Hey,” the inspector said, “I know you! You are that man who came to my border everyday for all those years with a donkey carrying straw. Please, sir, I must talk to you.”
Nasrudin came towards him and the inspector continued talking. “My friend, I always wondered what you were smuggling past my border everyday. Just between you and me, you must tell me. I must know. What in the world were you smuggling for all those years? I must know!“
Nasrudin simply replied, “donkeys.”
How Old Are You?
Friend: “How old are you, Mulla?”
Mulla: “Forty-five.”
Friend: “But that’s what you said when I asked you ten years ago!“
Mulla: “That’s right-I always stand by what I have said!“
Bravo
Nasrudin went hunting with the village mayor. They found a turkey, and the mayor shot and missed it.
“Bravo!“ Nasrudin shouted.
The mayor angrily turned to him and said, “How dare you make fun of me!“
“I wasn’t making fun of you,” Nasrudin replied. “I was saying bravo to the turkey!“
The Missed Appointment
A philosopher made an appointment with Nasrudin to have a scholarly discussion. When the day came, the philosopher dropped by Nasrudin’s house as planned. However, Nasrudin wasn’t home. The philosopher angrily took his pencil out of his pocket and wrote Asshole on Nasrudin’s door, and then left
Nasrudin finally came home later and saw this. He quickly realized that he had missed his appointment, and he darted off to the philosopher’s house.
“Forgive my error,” Nasrudin told the philosopher when he got there. “I totally forgot about our appointment today. But when I got home and saw that you had written your name on my door, I immediately remembered and I came here as fast as I could.”
The Mayor’s Poems
The village mayor wrote a poem and read it to Nasrudin.
“Did you like the poem?” he asked.
“No, not really,” Nasrudin replied, “it wasn’t very good.”
The mayor was enraged, and he sentenced Nasrudin to three days in jail. The next week, the mayor called Nasrudin in his office to read him another poem he had written. When the mayor finished reading, he turned to Nasrudin and asked, “Well, what do you think of this one?”
Nasrudin did not say anything, and immediately began walking away. The mayor inquired, “Just where do you think you’re going?’
“To jail!“ Nasrudin replied.
The Loan Request
___ “I really need to borrow a thousand dollars for three months. Can you help me out?”
“Well,” Nasrudin replied, “I can fulfill half of your loan request.”
“OK; that’s fine,” the friend said, “I’m sure I can get the other five hundred dollars somewhere else.”
“You misunderstood me,” Nasrudin explained. “The half of your loan request I agreed to was the time: the three months. As for the 1000 toman, I cannot give it to you.”
Stubborn
Nasrudin and his wife got in a dispute over who would have to plant the wheat crop. They decided to have a bet. Whoever spoke first would have to plant the wheat.
His wife then went out to go buy the wheat. As Nasrudin waited at home, a thief broke in, and stole everything. All the while, Nasrudin remained speechless, intent on not losing the bet with his wife.
When his wife got home, she saw the robber leaving with the possessions. She entered the near empty house and yelled at Nasrudin, “You foolish son of a...”
Nasrudin interrupted her and said, “You lose the bet. Now go plant the wheat, and use that time to realize what has happened to you because of your stubborn attitude!“
A Lesson
Nasrudin was teaching his son life lessons. “Never give anybody anything immediately,” he said. “Wait until at least a couple of days have gone by.”
“But why?” his son inquired.
“Because,” Nasrudin responded, “people appreciate receiving something much more if they first have to doubt whether or not they will actually get it!“
Shave
A man, noticing Nasrudin’s light beard, remarked, “You don’t shave very often, do you?”
“Quite the contrary,” Nasrudin replied, “I shave about forty five times a day!“
“You must be a psycho, or perhaps a werewolf!“ the man asked.
“No,” replied Nasrudin. “I am a barber.”
Too Hot, Too Cold
Nasrudin was listening to a group of people in the midst of a scholarly discussion. One sage remarked, “People are so unreasonable-they complain of cold in the winter, and of heat in the summer. Is there nothing that can satisfy people?”
“Well,” replied Nasrudin, what about fall and spring?”
Can I Borrow Your Donkey?
“Can I borrow your donkey?” a neighbor asked Nasrudin at his door.
“I’d love to help you,” was the reply, “but I’ve already lent it to someone else.”
Just then, a loud “hee-haw” came from Nasrudin’s yard.
“Hey,” the man said, “I just heard the donkey make a noise from your yard!“
Nasrudin quickly retorted, “Do you mean to tell me that you’re going to take the word of a donkey over mine?”
The Restaurant Bill
Judge Nasrudin was presiding over a case.
The plaintiff went first and exclaimed, “The defendant refuses to pay his restaurant bill!“
“I would have,” the defendant countered, “but he charged me two hundred dollars for three hardboiled eggs!“
“Is this true?” Nasrudin asked the plaintiff.
“Well,” the other replied, “as I explained to him earlier, those eggs could have been hatched into chickens, which in turn would have produced more eggs, which in turn would have hatched into more chickens, and so on, and so forth. The way I see it, his three eggs would have yielded me hundreds of dollars worth of chickens and eggs.”
“OK,” Nasrudin replied. “Wait here while I go plant some boiled peas in my garden.”
“But Judge,” the plaintiff said, “boiled peas will not grow into anything.”
“In that case,” Nasrudin replied, “this case is dismissed!“
Location
A man noticed Nasrudin digging a hole, and asked him about it.
The reply was, “I buried something in this field last month, and I’ve been trying to find it all morning.”
Download this book for your ebook reader.
(Pages 1-42 show above.)